I Just Don’t Know…..

You would think that I would have so many things to write about this week, but the overwhelming number of issues render me speechless. What stood out more than the insane war in 21st century Europe, Covid, supply chain, inflation, US politics, and the Supreme Court’s denial of judicial precedent was the common thread of all of these is the continuing lack of resolution. Think about your own life, the personal and business issues that lack resolution. It is enough to drive one to drink — We are so doubtful of our ability to arrive at an acceptable resolution or outcome to problems little and big — simple and complication. We have been accustomed to doubting our every move. Questioning all rational thought which seemed so solid decades ago. Now everything is fraught with doubt and question marks. Even my friends that live their lives with the glass half full have begin to think that maybe the glass is not quite as full as it used to be. The continual slide towards doubt started slowly and now is careening downhill. There was a point that information was generally reliable and news organizations stayed with the facts as had been research and validated. As we are all aware there are multiple “news” organizations who report news according unproven beliefs and confusion between truth and fiction. Our truth seems to be of our own making.

My worry is that we will continue to live in a world of no resolution. The lack of resolved stability leaves us untethered and floundering while we seek safe harbor.

The seas are churning with doubt and insecurity.

I just don’t know ?!

Bartender!!!!

I am pretty global…

A cute phrase to use if you would like to let people know that you are interested in the world and are aware that things happening elsewhere have a growing effect on life in your community. Russia’s invasion of the nation of Ukrainian is an example of the result of the isolationist’s doctrine of the previous US administration. If you are not talking you are not solving. Whether business, personal or global, if you are not speaking on a regular basis those relationships wither. If you are only talking when there is a problem there is no goodwill to support the challenge of the crisis. The world took its eye off the ball while assuming a problem of this magnitude would ever develop. Yet, here we are in the middle of the unthinkable. We should know better, when there is communication in our daily life those conversations smooth the way when the road gets rough. The road always gets rough. We all need to be more global. The more we communicate the more we can fend off the approaching storm of misunderstanding.

Positive Affirmation

The world is a challenging place with problems that seem insurmountable, too costly and generally unattainable. The antonyms for hope are desperation and despair which best describe much of what we face on a daily basis.

Hope: A feeing of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. The definition implies that I have no power or plan to influence the outcome.

A wish: to feel or express a strong desire for something, to request by expressing desire . A wish seems more powerful and implies that you might be able to conduct your life in a way that could make your wish come true. An Olympic athlete might hope to win but if she wishes to win she can achieve her desire through hard work which could result in a wish come true.

An affirmation is the action of affirming something. A positive assertion. Affirmations seem to be a powerful step up in the creation of a positive outcome. I affirm that I will accomplish a certain action implies that I will be making every effort to accomplish that action by affirmative steps and positive action.

Hoping for something sounds like a politician hoping that global warming goes away. Hoping is a weakly held belief or maybe a lazy way of indicating that you would like something to happen but you really are not willing to put in the effort —- Athletes don’t hope for success.

They might wish for their success as a way of approaching their goal with a positive attitude. Wishing is voicing a positive conclusion and does not preclude or ignore the hard work that must be done to make that wish come true.

A positive affirmation is a powerful statement of what you will achieve and forms a foundation that you can build from as you study, train and otherwise work to achieve that which you have affirmed.

I affirm that I will succeed. Affirmation feels like you mean it and you will work hard to achieve. Hoping feels like you think it will just fall in your lap —- like winning the lottery

I affirm that I will reach my goal through positive change and hard work.

That feels solid.

A Little Boy Alone

It was the last day of grammar school. Typically sunny and warm with the din of noise from the children playing in the school yard as they pass the time waiting for summer. A little boy was standing away from the larger group. He was not playing with the group he was just standing alone watching the activity. There was a sand box adjacent to the swings and play courts - It was empty with the exception of several bean bags which were used for an adjacent game. The little boy walked into the sand box and sat down. In a somewhat meditative state he began running his fingers thru the warm fine sand. Picking up a hand full and watching the sand run through his fingers as it would in an hour glass. Time past slowly but he was neither distracted by the noise of the children or the passage of time. In a few moments a little girl walked into the sand box and sat down beside him. Without speaking to each other they were bound by their mutual interest in the sand and the comfort of the quiet and the common energy between them. They shared an unspoken interest in the beauty of the moment and the comfort of proximity. Suddenly without explanation the little boy stood up while grabbing one of the bean bags and subsequently threw the beanbag up and onto the school roof. He was no longer alone as the entire school yard and teacher were suddenly drawn to this boy who had been alone. The teacher blew her whistle and instructed the children to return to the class room. The school had a citizenship score on their report card. A one in citizenship was excellent and a three was failure. Whether it was jealousy of the little boy and girl of their quiet happiness, perhaps judgement or just the opportunity to seize upon the mistake the little boy had made, the teacher asked the class to vote on the little boy’s citizenship grade. It was unanimous, the class voted to give him a failing grade. Forgiveness is often denied by the overwhelming nature of the crowd and their need for judgement. Forgiveness only takes one,

It is hard to find someone that is happy sitting beside you in the sandbox. You don’t need the approval of the other kids because they will have judgement on the way you play and jealousy of your happiness just watching the grains of sand paint a picture of the future.

Moral:

When a beautiful little girl is happy sitting with you in the sandbox and asks for nothing but your company and the exploration of mutual interests - don’t throw a bean bag on the roof and fuck it all up.

Controlling Covid

The numbers are read with a distant voice —- the number of sick and dead as Covid’s claim on our lives continues into the third year. We have lost more than lives during this pandemic. We have lost a sense of direction, patience, relationships, and control of our truth.. We can’t blame all loss on Covid but it has affected us in more nuanced ways than one can fully understand or acknowledge. We have taken our eye off the ball, especially in dealing with those closest to us. It appeared they were always there but we became lazy and assumed it always would be. Looking back I became more self-centered than my usual modest ego would allow. Was I really the only one struggling to make this work —- I don’t think so. We all have struggled. That struggle has made it harder to be patient or to improve. Focusing on outcomes and solutions then falsely rewarding myself for my suffering while forgetting those that had made it all possible.

Instead of bitching about wearing masks, getting vaccinated, waiting for what ever product the supply chain had failed to deliver, it would have been more productive to focus on those around us. Relating and focusing on them before they walked out the door like Covid will eventually.

Trying desperately to keep control we became lost. Emulating the asshole that views all of life as a negotiation and control. You don’t have to be an asshole to be controlling. Controlling can be read while you are focused solely on your issues. One might think that those acts of generosity and kindness were enough to mask control, but the simple question, “what do you need?” would have assured those closest that you truly cared. Control can be invasive and chips away at intimacy and caring. Our minds are grasping for control and Covid made it all that more difficult to gain the validation and security we were actually wanting. The world was out of control and thus we grasped for anything we could control while missing the opportunity to validate and connect with those that are most willing to give.

Stay focused my friends on those that care.

Something to Consider…

I am in the process of remodeling a home in Sausalito to make it more comfortable after a dramatic change from my previous domicile.

On my daily visit to the now destruction zone, it dawned on me…….Growth and Change are good things to bring into ones life as no life is stagnate and requires a refresh. However, that does not mean you have to tear the whole house down to achieve your goal. It would be better to work more constructively as there are bound to be somethings worth saving.

Protect that which cannot be replaced…

Are you listening?

Many years ago my desk mate and I went skiing in Alta Utah with Steve Johnson, He was a ski instructor who I had not met but over the years would teach me and all of my children how to ski. He also became a very close friend and teacher. On this particular trip I was the worst skier of the group and spent much of the day flailing at the snow and self-flagellating over my inability to ski as good as the others. Towards the end of the day my friends had to leave early for flights to NYC. Steve and I were on opposite sides of a transition trail - he motioned me over to his side and said in a calm voice —- “If you have time and would like to, I will ski with you this afternoon and will make you a better skier, but if you behave like you have for the last three hours I will leave you on the mountain.” This was a slap in the face and I never behaved like that again. I listened and became a better skier which has been a foundational activity for my family.

Listening is a problem for many as the white noise of regularity gets in the way of what your partner, workmate, family or friend are saying to you. . What I like about good teachers is they are able to teach the same principles in 100 different ways. Good teachers never know exactly what you will hear so they say it often. They never know what voice or what words will connect with you or what ears you are wearing on any particular day. Another example of listening or the lack of it. It has been proven that when you are at the doctors office you hear everything the doctor says but you only retain 20%. Pretty sure that is an “F” in listening.

We all have problems listening and hearing people that are close to us. Whether it is the outside world, family or romantic partners, we just take for granted so much and don’t always bring our best listening skills. Regularity lulls us into a false sense of security that all is well and I don’t have to listening so closely. Good morning, I love you; good bye I love you, good night I love you. We all say it and we say it now and will say it multiple times over. This beautiful little phrase is a little remembrance that we are together and everything is well. BUT that was yesterday and today is different. If you are not truly listening, the hum of the usual masks the message of the day. If we don’t check in and we don’t ask, we miss what is amiss whether a love relationship or a work relationship. The vigilance of listening takes focus and work. Sometimes a slap in the face is what is needed. At work we had year-end reviews and that provided a platform to hear what my boss was saying. Not a bad idea for our romantic interests. Aren’t we often unaware of what we do until we are told and then, can amend it? Especially if the person gives feedback by the way of how they feel and are affected. The special relationships are with people who hear and then amend.

Like Steve Johnson and the other great teachers in our lives if you are not being heard and you want your needs heard then keep saying it in different ways and if they still don’t hear you then slap them up aside of the head to get their attention and then say it again. Good things come with practice and an occasional reminder — do you hear me?

I love you….

Growth

Life is a continuum of growth opportunities. Rarely are these individual events. We all seek to experience and learn from the opportunities that are presented to us. Growth may be just another word for change or perhaps trying something out of ones comfort zone. To repeat an old axiom “no man is an island” —- written by English poet John Donne in the 17th century. We can attempt to grow alone when things seem difficult and there is no immediate answer. I believe that growth is achieve more deeply when done in concert with others or even one other. Just that little bit of encouragement, support and love for your achievements can be the thing that helps one move to the next growth stage. Growing is a richer and deeper way to make your way to the next growth opportunity.

Together is better….

Home

New Year’s — for all the protestations of “Happy” I find it challenging at best. Happy that the past year and its issues are over but anxious about the unforeseen and unresolved that the New Year presents. I find myself particularly despondent this year over the lack of a home. This is not a new phenomenon for me. For this current episode, I have been without a home since 2020. To be fair I am not talking about homeless on the street, I am far more fortunate. I am thinking of the concept of home and what part of that abstraction is causing this deep sadness.

There is the physical home. A building that has an address which we ascribe status and pride. A physical representation of self. A place for ones clothes and framed pictures of past moments. A place where we lay our head to sleep and dream of more homes. A place of warmth and comfort. If home offers all of this, then why are we running away from this place. Living out of a suitcase has little relationship to the warmth of home. Yet running away is what we do. No matter how grand the home, we are constantly dancing to- and-fro. Never sure if I want to dance closely or more comfortable apart.

Perhaps home is not a physical place. Is home a person or persons? Is home a partner which creates the home? A partner you can converse with whether together or apart. . Is home the person you can laugh with while you are having fun and cling to when you need warmth and support. A partner that likes both the slow dance and the fast one. Perhaps we are confused about the role of home and who should play that role. The brick and mortar home with which we give much importance is not all that flexible. It cannot listen to our concerns, share our success, or comfort us. A partner can do all of that and can do that while in the same space or apart. We are more comfortable when things are structured and fixed and thus the physical home looks more welcoming. Surely one knows that nothing is permanent, fixed, or secure. My home can burn or blow away. If home is a person it is available near and far, it can change, it can be exciting, it can agree and disagree, and you don’t have to hire a contractor to make the changes. If home is a partner, it can dance fast and slow.

May I have this dance?

Friends

Christmas is all about family. The opportunity to experience the ritual of family gatherings and a religious experience. Then New Years comes and we perform the ritual of promise. Promising to do things better. The promise of performing the tasks we failed to achieve this past year. The promise of taking better care of ourselves and the people around us. The promise of a better year or maybe that is just a hope. A more achievable promise would be the promise of acknowledging the present and the small gifts you could receive every day through the act of being present..

Case in point -

Two days after Christmas I experienced what I will call a friends day. It began with a cappuccino with the husband and wife team that own a fabulous Italian restaurant in Sausalito. We were at a good replica of an authentic Italian pasticceria. It was a different conversation than a customer/owner conversation. It was just three friends talking about the challenges of life and the need to find that space in ones life to recharge from the stress of the daily grind. It was also the kind of conversation that makes for a lasting friendship.

My coffee with friends was followed by a four mile walk with another friend — she also poses as my daughter. It’s one of the great benefits of parenting. If you stay the course, those children turn into your friends and those friends are often better than family. As we walked through the beautiful foothills of Mt. Tam, the benefit of recent rainfalls was on display. Formerly dry creeks were now alive with rushing water. The moist air clung to the trees heavy with the rich color of green recently bestowed on the branches thanks to weeks of rain. It was in this beautiful backdrop that we were able to discuss the issues of our lives. Not as father and daughter but like friends without the judgement curated by family dynamics.

My final Friends experience was a drink at “The NoName Bar . A growing friendship with a couple of guys in the hotel business. Not investors but front line people. You know the people you first see, that set the tone of your experience. In a similar way that the host at a fine restaurant either makes your evening memorable or forgettable regardless of the food. This conversation went from bar to dinner and probably ended a little late. The price of a slow start to the next day was well worth the broad reaching conversation and reminiscences of the Bay Area and the characters who lived in Southern Marin.

It wasn’t yet 2022 but I was proud of myself for seizing the moment of these interactions with friends. Chose not to rush off, or feign the importance of a nonexistent meeting. I chose to stay the course and make myself sincere, available and present. A lot more rewarding than losing 10 pounds.

Happy New Year

The Winter Solstice…

At the start of my “writing week” I was fired up to dispel the fantasy of the Pilgrims coming to the “New World” for religious freedom and writing about the “political hack” who is posing as an impartial Supreme Court Justice. But four days before Christmas Day it just didn’t feel right —- wait until January.

I started this blog 70 weeks ago. I have written opinion pieces, personal reflections and descriptions of treasured moments every week. Here we are, Christmas 2021, and we are still faced with a withering number of problems and issues which test the very emotional capacity of our fragile minds and bodies. It is the Winter Solstice today December 21st. We are celebrating the return of the sun as the days begin to get longer. From the days of Pagan celebrations, people of nearly any religious background choose the winter solstice to gather with family and friends. Certainly in the United States, Christmas and Hanukkah dominate the celebratory landscape. However, there are many others religions around the world that choose to celebrate at this time of year. Many of our treasured symbols, such as the Christmas Tree, have moved from pagan origins to Christian symbolism. Instead of railing against the inequities of the human condition, I want to take this time to thank all of you who take the time to read my musings. My audience has continued to grow although at a glacial pace, but grow nonetheless. I derive a great deal of pleasure from the opportunity to write, but nothing gives me more pleasure than to know that many of you find these writings to be of value.

No matter how you celebrate at this time of year, I wish you and your loved ones the very best. My hope is that you will have an opportunity to connect with each other in the same deep way that I was able to connect with my family over the Thanksgiving week. Regardless of the expression you choose at this time of year I hope it is heartfelt and sincere. Whether its Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or another expression, receive it, not in its correctness, but in its sincerity and warmth. I thank you for your kindness and the time you have allocated to read my blog. I wish you all a blessed time of celebration with whomever you choose to celebrate the return of the sun and the sincere hope for a better outcome.

With gratitude,

Fred

I Don’t Know….

….about you but …..

“From the flight deck, this is your pilot, Sky King, we will be leaving as soon as the technicians….. garbled———inaudible———-buzzing ——— muffled ——- buzzing ….finish repair work on the starboard engine….. Thank you for choosing United” Technicians? Engine? A Boeing 787-8 Dreamliner cost $248.6 million… You would think that for that price you would get a “PA” system that was clear and understandable. Seriously am I the only one that cannot understand a word they say? Except for the bad words - delay - problem - waiting - just a few more things to load on the plane - which are mixed in with unintelligible noise, these public address messages are not decipherable. The airport “PA” system is no better. Will Mr. St….buzzing noise … emergency … more buzzing white courtesy phone. Is that for me? Emergency? In the age of technology can’t we find a system to deliver clear messages? I don’t know about you but I can’t understand a word they are sayn’

One more thing: I spent the last few days of a recent trip to Italy developing a heavy case of anxiety listening to the continual dribble of messages regarding Covid, rules for leaving a country, tracking forms etc. In reality the person behind that computer screen at the departure gate that used to irritate you with the constant clicking of the keyboard keys as if they were writing a thesis instead of checking you in, is now our first line of defense for Covid protocol violators. After all of the back and forth, rules, and 22 messages from British Airways, the only thing you needed was a passport, a negative rapid test, oh, and you had to remember your address. Really??? C’mon man!!

That’s all I have this week. I still miss Italy and all of the people that made the last three weeks so memorable, loving and downright incredible. It was and is a constant reminder of the value of friendships and family. Never take for granted those precious moments of focused, concentrated time with the people you love and care about. They are sandwiched in between the white noise of those PA announcements that you cannot understand. So when you can hear the words clearly remember to appreciate the moments of clarity and understanding. Embrace those moments ,there is more white noise ahead.

“Did the pilot say “emergency landing?”

The Gift That Keeps on…

…or the unintended value of globalization

Richard Nixon was the first US President to recognize the value of China and globalization. In 1972 he visited Beijing as the first President to visit the PRC ending 25 years of isolation. This has been lost in the scandal of his presidency and he never received credit for his forward thinking. Under Clinton the real economIc value of globalization came to the forefront of economic power and political debate. What’s-His-Name tried to dial back the clock and throw the US into isolation mode. A theme not uncommon for the US and its relations with others. The world is too integrated to ever retreat to full isolation but the short sighted continue to try. The real value of globalization is the acceptance of others through the increase in travel and the development of personal relations.

Example:

I received a text today from all of the participants in my family’s Thanksgiving trip to Firenze, Italia. The back and forth of this multi-person text was both fun and rewarding.

One son went home and immediately started cooking Italian cuisine and using his prize from the owner of Osteria del Cinghiale to serve Italian wine with his meal. My other son has been spoiled by true Italian cuisine and is now a US Italian food critic. My daughter is watching Italian movies with her husband and four children. My other daughter is missing her family and Italy so she and her boyfriend are drowning their sorrows with,, you guessed it, —- Italian wine. Some of this is true and some is an exaggeration. But what is not exaggerated is the effect this trip has had on my family. It is the personal side of globalization. When you take enough time to interact with another culture; attempt to learn the language; take a personal interest in the people; you open your mind and heart to another view. In addition to touring and learning a little about history and culture we spent time with six people who helped us throughout our trip. There is a choice when dealing with people of service. Treat them as if you are entitled to be served or treat them as friends who have a different job than you. The latter path opens up a whole new world of understanding and exploration. Thankfully my family took the latter path. There was no better example than when we went to the public market in Florence and had lunch at the restaurant owned by one of our server’s family. Her parents and grandparents were so incredibly generous and kind. I truly believe this is because we demonstrated a sincere interest in them and they in us.

My family is a small example of the benefits of globalization and empathy. An understanding that we do not have all the answers and the more we open ourselves to alternatives the more our lives become richer.

Grazie il bel paese. Ci vediamo presto

“Don’t be sad it’s over…”

…Be happy cause it happened.”

Ok, all you “glass half empty people” I get it. We always want to appreciate the benefits of the present, especially when the present is a fabulous trip with family. Now some families might not be excited about a trip together, but the week I spent with my family was amazing. Then it was followed by an additional week with ones fidanzata. My family trip for Thanksgiving was beyond expectation. This family has a long history surrounding Thanksgiving as we have spent all previous Thanksgivings at the same place in California. But as the prices went up their hospitality offering went down, so my daughter and I decided Italy was the perfect replacement. The venue was spectacular and Tuscany is lovely. However that is not what made this trip wonderful. Like many families we had not been together for two years and now in this incredible setting, we were all together. The chance to sit next to a different family member every night; the “no pressure” touring each day; the one-on-one moments were all part of the magic that made this trip special. Spending a week with my grandchildren gave me the unique opportunity to connect and form real friendships. There was no pressure to fill the day with explorations. If you wanted to go you could, if you wanted to be different —- no judgement. However, we all came together for breakfast and dinner and that experience was special. Our individual driving experiences in Italy — not paying the toll, taking the wrong turn, getting lost in the restricted zone. These and others allowed me to depend on my sons to be the best drivers so I could fall asleep in the passenger seat pretending to be helpful. This trip was packed with great stories that we can retell over and over.

I am happy it happened but let’s get real I AM SAD! There!!! I said it. As my sons, daughters, grandchildren and nieces all departed by train and plane it was downright sad. A whole new list of unknowns and anxieties suddenly appeared as the reality of work and real life projects were no longer on the distant horizon. Parting is just a downright sad part of the experience. All the fun activities that had occupied our time are concluded and, well, it is just sad. Better to acknowledge than to pretend the emotion doesn’t exist. Should I feel guilty that I am not appreciating the “happy it happened” part and now focused on the “sad it’s over’? Sad gets to have it’s time and respect. So lets embrace the fact that leaving family members behind is a sad part of life. Granted this is not a permanent good-bye as we will see each other soon; however, I think it is important to recognize the sadness of the end of something special. I will miss the casual conversation; those moments of serious reflection and opportunities to seek advice from the people you love and respect. There was so much more to this gathering than lovely surroundings. It was the opportunity to reestablish the value of family. The love and respect we have for each other was on display at every moment as we experienced it in real time. No zoom call needed as we were all in the same room. I will miss the wonder of being present. Not just emotionally present but physically. Rather than telling my daughter not to cry I should seize the opportunity to realize the conclusion of this experience deserves it’s due. The moment was full of wonder yet there will be others and those will be special in their own way but this one has ended and it does deserve a little sadness.

I need a kleenex…..

Ringraziamento

About three years ago I decided it was a good idea to learn the Italian Language. I think my tutors would question that calculation as it has probably been longer. I am a slow learner. I often say it would have been easier if I had started 40 years ago. However, for me, the study of language has brought more than just the grammar of a challenging language. The study of language is the study of culture, experience, values and understanding. Peeling the layers of an onion is the perfect analogy to the study of language. Each layer brings on a new experience and a deeper understanding, not only of the new language, but also of your native language. Suddenly those Latin and English classes that you dreaded in school seem far more important. Thus on this Thanksgiving week of 2021 I am giving thanks to Italy (il bel paese) and the beautiful language of this country.

I am giving thanks to the incredible good fortune that life has endowed me and my family. My study of the Italian language and Italy has brought my family to this beautiful place for Thanksgiving. My five children (I am including my eldest as she is here in spirit. She is recovering from surgery and mending the pieces), their significant others, spouses, fiancé, and grandchildren have all managed to assemble in Firenze, Italia. They have travelled from San Francisco, Denver and London for a combined mileage of 19550. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that this family has managed to postpone work, school and lives to assemble in this beautiful city to celebrate Thanksgiving together. I could enunciate the multitude of blessings that have been bestowed on me and my family but the true blessing is the demonstration of love and caring that each of us has brought to this gathering to underscore the beauty of love and family. I am eternally grateful for this gift.

Rendo grazie per queste tante benedizioni

Io sono tantissimo grato per questo Giorno del Ringraziamento

Hope…

Slogging through life is not without its challenges. Some slogs are easier than others. I am amazed at what keeps people moving forward. There are so many roadblocks to success and so many ways to fail. In spite of it, mankind keeps moving forward through the muck of disappointment. What is it that keeps hope alive and reappearing against all odds and outcomes? The world ozzes hopelessness, struggle, and the apparent “doomed to failure.” Refugee camps, fire, floods, storms, political gridlock, and the insane belief in lies. Still, there is that glimmer of hope and belief that we can and will make it better. The incredible people I know who start businesses, develop their artistry and become better teachers solely for the purpose of helping and giving to others. The hopeful spirit drives them to better themselves through the practice of their art and passion. It’s always a rough day and yet!! ——- you know who you are because you are the ones that are always hopeful. Religion has captured that essence of hope and a positive outcome better than most disciplines. However they are not the only ones. Founders of companies, actors, scientists, researchers on and on capture and retain the hope of a positive outcome. Sports teams and individuals who have actually lost are able to regain that sense of hope for the next game or the next season.. The unwillingness to accept that the outcome is not going to be good.

I like Thanksgiving. It is a day of thanks and hope. No presents are required. No rushing around buying stuff to make up for the failures of the past. No list, no squandering money on the sweater you will never wear. I just have to make dinner. Thanksgiving is just a chance to sit down together where ever together is and give thanks in whatever way you wish to be thankful. There are no set rules, no specific ritual just a pause to give thanks. Maybe all we should be thankful for is our inability to give up. Give thanks for our unwillingness to accept failure. I am thankful for the people in my life who support me and think that I have something to offer. I am thankful that they believe so strongly in themselves and their achievements. I am thankful they ignored my advice to do something else that was more immediate. I am thankful they still are willing to listen. It is not our things, our success, or failure, it is an incredible hope that surrounds us every day. It is that which picks us up and drives us forward. Hope is our guide and our comfort and what I am most thankful.

Could I have a drumstick, please?

Buckle Up

Let me be clear ----  violence is never the appropriate answer.  Clearly few leaders in the history of mankind actually believe that statement since violence is with us always.  What I find incredible is our ability to find an excuse for and our protestations against violence in a manner that moves responsibility to someone else.  Case in point: Airline violence.  The most recent example was on an American Airlines flight from NYC to Orange County.  The CEO of American immediately came out to say: “this type of behavior has to stop.  American will not tolerate airport or inflight misconduct of any kind.”

Good job Doug, but, hey Doug, how would you like to talk about why this is happening. Maybe you could be a real leader and discuss your responsibility for this behavior.  Not that you are alone as the other US airlines share the same responsibility.

In their selfish interest to cram people into a small space,  they alone are responsible for the increase in cranky passengers who are looking to take out frustration on someone. Let’s look at a few stats.

In 2002 a British ergonomics firm estimated human hip sizes and, you guessed it, the United States was number one at 20.6 inches.   France was 17.2 and Japan 15.9.  Airbus suggested that all airline seats be at least 18 inches but the US, fearing a potential infringement on some imaginary right to have wide hips and narrow seats, objected to this rule.  US airlines have continually made flying in coach more and more uncomfortable.  While they are cramming people into a smaller and smaller space, the load factor has been rising to a record 86.4% average.   This means that many planes are 100% full. Why do you care about the load factor? Because if a plane is 90% full that leaves only 14 middle seats open and with smaller everything you are literally crammed in like sardines.  Meanwhile, legroom is smaller, seats are smaller and the pitch of the seat (now 30 inches or less) is being reduced.  The bottom line—get used to having your knees in your chest and your neighbor’s armpit in your face.  Airlines are one of the few industries that actively work to make their customers uncomfortable in pursuit of profits.  They are a public utility that is taking away all utility.  Now you wonder why there is an increase in unhappy passengers and an increase in violence.  Do you really think that all of those passengers are in the appropriate meditative mental state to tolerate all of the inconveniences of air travel?

Doug is taking the high road by announcing violence as abhorrent and keeping passengers that violate that general human principle off his airplanes.  Thus, he falls in line with other persons in authority, they look for somebody else or condition to blame.  The pandemic has served as everyone’s favorite thing to blame.  This horrible condition has become every leader’s scapegoat. Doug Parker doesn’t bother to look at the core problem because that would lay responsibility at his doorstep.  He is not alone in this now-classic behavior.  This behavior is not new but it is epidemic in the leadership of all kinds.  Doug, people are fighting on your planes because you put too many people in too small of a space and assumed that everyone is so grounded in their lives that they will behave in a kind and spiritual manner.  Please take responsibility and make your aircraft more comfortable and improve the flying experience and see if the fighting subsides.  The inability to take responsibility and seek solutions that solve the core problem is completely missing in our national discourse.  Are we truly surprised that violence is on the rise?

 Could you please stop kicking my seat sir or should I just punch you in the face…?

Scarpe (shoes)

                                    I came home yesterday.  It was a day of mixed emotions.  I was not ready to leave as I had not completed my mission of finding an apartment in Milano.  However, I was excited to return to the familiar.  Worried about losing what I had gained in terms of my language skills, but was anxious to see how things were progressing on my house project.  My trip, like many trips, was a series of stories and each story was a new adventure displayed on a blank canvas.  One recent adventure will give insight into Italians and their unique culture.

For as many years as I  worked in San Francisco I shopped at Wilkes-Bashford.  I knew Wilkes and most of the employees at his incredibly well-appointed store.  Sadly, Wilkes had to sell the business to a family of stores from the east coast.  The Mitchells have never really understood the value of the Wilkes name and thus have never captured the heart of the City.  John ran the shoe department.  He was the best curator of men’s shoes.  He became a victim of the Covid shutdown.   When they released him,  I called to express my disbelief to Bob Mitchell.  Even in difficult times, you don’t trade your best salesperson.  I have not gone back to the store since ---- I am a loyalist. 

John was responsible for bringing Bontoni to Wilkes,  At the time Bontoni was a little-known shoe brand in the US.  They now sell their product through a series of exclusive boutiques in selected cities in the US and various countries around the world.  I called John to see if he could introduce me to the Bontoni owners as I thought it would be fun to visit while in Milano.  Like a good friend, he introduced me to Franco.  Franco along with his father and other family members owns this amazing business.  He graciously invited me to come down and see their “factory” which, until recently, was part of their home. 

Located in the Le Marche region of Italy which is between the Apennine Mountains and the Adriatic Coast.  It is a beautiful region known mostly for shoemaking.  It is one of those regions which has not quite been discovered so tourism is limited but beauty is not. 

Here is what makes Italy and “Made in Italy” the brand that many brands aspire.  Bontoni makes 3600 pairs of shoes a year, ten a day/on average.  It is amazing that this enterprise is able to make that many shoes.  What is even more amazing, it takes one employee 4 hours to stitch one pair of shoes by hand.  The pattern is cut by hand; each pair sits in a last so as to better shape the leather; all are polished by hand.  I am not kidding each pair is hand polished to an incredible shine.  The envy of every drill sergeant.    Ten employees and every step in the process is done by hand or with small instruments.  These men and women are creating works of art.  They are masters of their craft and are working for the love of what they create.  Living in a world of mass production; efficient distribution and growth above all, it is stunning to see that things can be created in such a manner.  For an Italian artisan, they are constantly dealing with the tension between the desire to grow a business and the love of the artistry of their craft.  There is the fear that growth will likely bring a decline in quality and the value proposition of a truly handmade product that is at the core of their business.  Then there is the concern of the pretenders who copy the product but not the quality, care, and love of making something of value. The family exists for the love of their craft and the joy of creating beautiful shoes. 

Often we become wrapped in a blanket of efficiency and distribution to as many as possible.  Valuation comes from the number of eyes on the page regardless of what’s on the page.  Measured to the average we are proud of beating the average rather than seeking to excel.

The opportunity to see the pride and joy of generations working together to maintain their craft was to understand that for Italians it is more than beating quarterly results.

Oh, the best part ---- Franco’s father, Manfredo, the patriarch, drove me to the train station in his green Mini.  He does not speak English which allowed me to practice my Italian.  Amongst other things, he plays the saxophone.  I told him I played the piano ------

We are getting the band back together!!!

Walking—-Andare A Piedi

Milano is a walking city. I clock in around 15,000 steps a day cruising around the various neighborhoods that make up this European capital. When one walks a lot one notices a lot and I have been noticing the walking styles of women and men. I have observed a clear divide. In general when men are walking they are observing. They look side to side, look up and down, they look at people across the street and the people they are passing. They must be fantasizing that they are Secret Service agents protecting an invisible client. There are styles associated with this forward observer method of walking. There is the business guy alone style - waling while doing the biggest deal phone glued to the ear. They carry themselves as if the deal is done and the bonus is coming. When the business guy has a companion they speak in secret like they are either football coaches or they have bad breath which requires them to have their hand over their mouth while they divulge secrets. Vacation guy - he is sauntering — I have nothing but time and I am in Milan. Working man — He is loud and wants you to know he is working. He is not necessarily in a hurry but he has a co-worker and information can only be delivered by yelling. Very old guy - This man walks slowly but with a sense of purpose as he is just happy to be upright and ambulatory. Couples guy - He is distracted while he walks either because he is in an argument or he can’t believe this woman is walking with him —- either way he is in full Secret Service mode watching -watching.

Women, on the other hand, are not checking anything out or they are so good you just don’t notice it. Women in the city walk with purpose — eyes straight ahead with no chance for eye contact. Young girls walk together always in conversation they are oblivious to the world around them. Other women regardless of age walk with purpose as don’t mess with me. The more confident the stronger the stride and forceful the purpose i.e. get in my way and I will fuck you up. Some less confident cast furtive glances but nonetheless they are moving quickly and are trying not to engage. Even older women are walking with eyes straight ahead. In general women walk in away to not engage. If they are trying to it probably has a cost associated. Head down, eyes focused moving purposely through the crowd.

Speaking of walking—- let’s talk about style for a minute. Love a 7” stiletto but we better get over it. Massive combat boots with 3” thick heels and soles are what is on the women of Milano. These are basic training or Airborne Ranger equipment and they are worn with everything and no wonder, walking around the stone streets of Milano is no place for a stiletto. If you are walking with purpose these get the message across—-don’t mess with me.

Jeans of all kinds are still THE thing for men and women. Guys, wear a pair of jeans, big shoes (not low profile loafers here) or tennis shoes (again practical and cool) but wear a nice shirt, sweater vest and a sport jacket. That’s right a sport coat and a sweater vest and a proper shirt. By the way, when you are packing, don’t even think about bringing those cargo shorts. You can bring basketball shorts or tennis shorts but if you are on the streets of Milano no one wants to see your legs. You can wear jeans of any variety but if you want to announce that you are from out of town — wear those fucking cargo shorts.

Speaking of what to walk around with…. There is a dog resurgence in Milano. They are all around town and in restaurants. What is changing is poop bags as people do pick up the poop here. No more digging around your purse for those ugly green rolled up plastic bags. What is changing is a new chic fashion item. —- look for these in your favorite store. A fashion forward compartment to carry your poop bag. They will be the perfect compliment to your perfect outfit and you won’t be embarrassed to reach into this accessory to take care of business.

Oh, Fido, really you have to do it here? Now what did I do with my poop bags……..

BUONGIORNO

If you know anything about the Italian language you know this expression. Translated it means “Good Morning” Simple you might think, but here in Italy it means more. It is said with such sincerely and enthusiasm. It is not reserved for those you know. It is a greeting to be shared with all. There are slight variations —- Buona Giornata —— Buon Giorno with an emphasis on Buon —- or Buongiorno with the two words together with equal emphasis. It is not just a different version of “hello” or “hi” as you might hear in the U.S. It is the warmth with which it is delivered. It is not said softly or under your breath as if you were afraid to look anyone in the eye for fear they would ask for money. No, “Buongiorno” is a clarion call to the world that this is a new day. It is a “benvenuti” to the morning. Walk into any bar (the equivalent of a small restaurant) and the barista or the cameriere will greet you with this well enunciated and distinctive announcement that we are beginning a new day and how fortunate we are to be experiencing it together. Buon giorno is not treated lightly it is a call to arms, a call to give this day your best. You are lucky to be here so lets start it with enthusiasm. Whether or not you speak any other part of this beautiful language you will know that buon giorno is a good place to start.

Italians are proud of their country. Critical of some things but elegantly proud. It is a different pride than an American possesses. We present ourselves as if we have the best of everything and should be replicated. The US has a special brand of chest beating without depth of knowledge. Italy cannot be replicated and that is what makes it Il Bel Paese. An Italian is cognizant of history. They understand history and where they were and where they are. The firm embrace of history is the foundation of their artistry, design and the spirit of life which they make time for in the normal flow of the everyday. They are not trying to convince you of the importance of the past. They weave it into the story so you can make your own decision as to its value. They are not tying to underscore the enormity of the past because it is obvious to anyone who is paying attention. The recognition of the profound surroundings of a country that epitomizes the foundation of western civilization is a cultural strength. The renowned thinkers, philosophers and scientist of any historical period are here and they are walking the streets. They are proud of the fact that they are the keepers of some of the most intense discoveries of the human experience. Walk the streets with an Italian local and he or she will remark on the beauty of a street they have walk many times. It is that attention to what is before them that adds to the warmth you feel when you experience Milano and other cities throughout the country. I was fortunate enough to have lunch the other day with one of the most famous sports figures in Milano. This gentleman was stopped six times during a twenty minute walk. Each time he was kind and patient with the people invading his personal space. I think he enjoyed it even though his wife told me it happens everyday. And as we walked along he pointed out the beauty of the day,the city and the edifices that reminded all of us of the presence of those that came before.

Milano is a walking city. You can put down 10,000 steps without even trying. Next week: The Walkers

I have to go —- Dante Alighieri (1265-1321) is calling…