It Isn’t The Same…
There is a small Italian restaurant in my little town. The Italian husband and wife have built their brand through attention to detail, consistent service, and authentic Italian cuisine with a focus on pizza. I know another couple who developed an excellent restaurant (Michelin Star) in an equally small town. Through attention to detail, excellent service, and amazing French Cuisine they have developed a phenomenal business. I have yet another good friend who has a small business my town. He and his wife have built a business offering a unique variety of vintage clothing, artifacts, cards, books, curios and pies (the kind you eat.). Armed with a remarkable depth of superfluous knowledge and “at home” baking skill, they have developed a business through superior service, attention to detail, and a wealth of knowledge delivered with warmth and sincerity.
What I was thinking about was how dependent these businesses are on their founders/owners. When they are in the store their businesses are every bit the extraordinary businesses built from their imagination and hard work. It is, however, a core problem of successful small businesses. How do I scale my business? It is not a problem of scaling the product it is the challenge of scaling themselves. When they are not running the show, the pizza is just a little divergent, the steak au poivre is cooked ever so differently, the unique product description is just not as interesting.
What they have built is a relationship that goes beyond the product. I go to the restaurant because of them and the relationship we have developed. I go to the store not because I need to buy something but because of the engaging conversation and that newly discovered bit of information.
If you don’t think relationship building is important, think again. What these owners have scaled is their ability to connect with their customers in a way that goes beyond the product they have developed. It is the relationship that keeps the customer coming back even though they were a little disappointed the last time they came in and the owner was not there--- when the pizza had a little too much cheese, the steak au poivre was just not right, or the curio came in a bag without the history.
Building a business is more than your product…no matter what you do to earn a living or develop a relationship ---- you are the key that unlocks success
Patience with my Disappointments
I was having a discussion with my daughter the other day about patience. We were concluding that we are not very patient people. However, I think of myself as a very patient person and a good listener as long as it is your problem we are solving. On the other hand, I am not very patient with me and what I would like to achieve, which often leads to disappointment in the outcome. What is interesting is that this disappointment comes before there is an outcome. One might ask how can you be disappointed with the outcome when you have not reached the point of conclusion. The apparent conflict comes from our focus on the end of the story rather than the story.
I have an idea of how I would like this story to end no matter what the story is. Could be a work story, maybe a romantic story, but whatever the story, we are so excited for the conclusion or so focused on the conclusion we forget that we have to live the story before we get to the end. Our lack of patience only adds fuel to that fire. Impatience does not mean you are refusing to give it your best effort, but it does mean you are adding an extra level of complication to whatever story you are creating. Living our dreams whether they be professional or personal, is hard enough. Execution is always more complicated than the idea. What you do not need is adding complication and difficulty to that effort by being impatient with the timing of the outcome.
Live the dream at a pace that allows you to enjoy each success or failure —- the end will come soon enough.
Quiet Connection
The idea of individual connection seems important, especially now. There are so many platforms from which we receive information whether by choice or merely passing through the day. We have grown suspicious of it all. Gone are the days of trusted information as we have been inundated with unreliable information or merely fabricated information. The speed at which this has come about makes it all the more withering to ones stability. It only underscores the importance of the direct connection.
A quiet dinner: no phone, maybe a meal prepared at home, or a quiet table for two. The idea of focusing on the person sitting across from you, their voice, their inflection, the cadence makes all the difference in establishing a true connection. It is this experience that allows one to feel uniquely human. The intimacy of that connection should not be taken for granted. There is no third party, no electronic device, no other person and no interference. We are unique in our ability to feel and absorb the true feeling of another human merely by allowing our human centeredness to guide us.
We cannot eliminate the noise around us, but we can seek a respite by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in the presence of another human. It is our mutual vulnerability that will make the connection more meaningful.
Worth the risk of exposing some of yourself….
Risk/Reward
A good friend of mine has a son who is an extreme skier. He recently qualified for a prestigious competition. Attempting a new trick he fractured his jaw and it remains uncertain if he can compete. He and his family are crushed and disappointed. However, he will take the risk again striving for the reward…
It made me think about risk/reward. Given our busy lives and time constraints it all seems too difficult to take on additional risk whether that be professional or personal. The thing about risk is it always offers the reward. A relationship you do not have time for might result in a lifelong supportive partnership surrounded with love. The risky idea that changes the direction of your career resulting in advancement and recognition. The never before sport challenge that takes you to the next level of recognition and excellence. No matter what you are risking, you know the outcome if you never take the plunge. Saving yourself from risk will do exactly that – save you from failure and you will remain safe. However, you will also remain in the space you are in now. The reward of risk is the reward of life. Despite the broken jaw you will know what and how to do it the next time you…
Take the risk
It is not just the Olympics that demonstrate risk/reward, it is your life.
Take the chance……
Bandwidth
Are you unhappy today with a laundry list of things on your plate that will not go away.? As I thought about this, I realized that there is always such a list. The frustration is that we determine that bandwidth and what can and cannot fit within the bands.
Perhaps it is the horrible traffic on the way to work. You don’t get enough sleep and have no time to exercise. Arriving home you start your other job, a different line of work – cooking, cleaning, consulting. The news is bad. You don’t have the bandwidth to take on anymore things or people to care for.
Sound familiar.
The reality is that all these things, issues and problems will be there tomorrow and the next day. Or a new set of problems will replace the ones you so want to get rid of. One might think that the solution is to shut down and deal with the slate of problems and disappointments that you have today and hope they don’t increase.
That is one solution because let’s face it your plate is already full, how could you give any more….If I only allow the things I know will stress me in my life, where is the room to make things different? If you are unhappy with the circumstances, rather than shutting down consider adding things to your plate….
Seems counter intuitive but maybe the solution is adding a little positivity to your busy day … pretty sure a little positivity can fit within the bands!
Connect with someone who cares. Someone who will listen. A ten-minute walk or a quiet moment in your room to breathe and connect with yourself. Add some people who will say kind things, will not judge but will help even if just a little.
If I allow all the stressful things to be in my life what is stopping me from allowing good things into my life
People who are not asking for more, don’t need to be validated for giving what you can accept. I only have so much time, but I do not want to block them because then all I have left is the shit that I am complaining about
Maybe the answer is not shutting down or allowing yourself to believe you have no bandwidth—- add a different list of things---positives that take a different space. A little at a time. It is you who think you have no bandwidth and it is you who must make space. Maybe there are people and things available for you to connect that will not take up space or emotional effort but just might make all those other things more manageable
Connect with the positive --- just might increase your bandwidth
A Garage
Last week I wrote a slightly cheeky piece about the revival of the “fanny pack.” The next day, while walking down my entry path, I noticed something hanging on my front gate. As I approached, I realized it was a dark blue Patagonia-ish bag with a strap --- yes, it was ------ a fanny pack. Some kind reader of my blog had purchased a brand-new cross-body bag (aka fanny pack)
But here is the problem – there was no note inside. Therefore, I have no idea which kind reader was clever and kind enough to leave me this gift. If you are reading this week —- First, thank you for reading, but more importantly thank you for your thoughtfulness. Second, if you wish to identify yourself it will relieve me of my anxiety.
Grazie --- Muchas gracias – Thank you
The Garage
I grew up in a house with a two-car garage. It was like many garages, a depository for more than cars. The garage is the part of the house that is going to get clean-out. At one point, I owned a home with a four-car garage. It was a beautiful garage. It was always clean – had plenty of room – and visitors could park inside a garage. Now I live without a garage. My neighborhood has lots of cars that do not sleep inside a garage. Therefore, I have a new daily ritual —— searching for a spot on the street for my car to spend the night. The other day I came home to find my usual street parking space was not available. As a matter of fact, someone left their car in “my” space for days. Each day I had to search anew to find parking for my car. Sometimes it was a bit of a walk – sometimes I had things I had to carry to the house. No matter it felt inconvenient. I have been living without a garage for five years now but on this day and the subsequent five days I became acutely aware of the convenience of a garage. A place that was for my car, a place for my junk, a place for me to clean out. I have gained a new appreciation for the convenience of this unappreciated space that Californians have come to regard as an essential part of a home. The one positive----I no longer own a “nice” car. I never have to wash my car. I never have to clean the garage. In all honestly, I miss all those convenient and inconvenient aspects of life --- and so does my car.. My car and I are orphans looking for a spot for the night.
It’s the little things…….
The Fanny Pack
I’m Back!!!
After four years of consistency, I have not written a blog since October 28, 2025. I have a pretty good excuse as I published a book on October 28th.
Connectability – Mastering Relationship Building in Business, Sales, and Beyond
I went on a seven city book tour which was highly successful. Having recently received questions as to my whereabouts, I am back to writing. Given some time constraints as I seek to expand my advisory and speaking availability I may not be as consistent, but I will continue to reflect on the world around me. My focus will remain as observational writing.
First observation: The continued and systematic weakening of what we relied upon as “norms”. Societal norms are important given the inconsistencies of life. Relying on societal norms is pivotal to the feeling of being grounded. They act as a basis of support as we go about the challenges of everyday life. The loss of this grounding is worrisome not to mention downright sad.
Second observation:
The Fanny Pack:
In ancient Greece and Roman times, men wore belt pouches to carry coins and tools. In Medieval times they were girdle pouches: A useful tool to keep the overweight Lords and Ladies looking good.
In the 60’s and 80’s they were worn by tourists, dads, joggers, and mall walkers They were practical and unapologetically uncool. If you were cool, you would never wear the fanny pack.
In the 90,s-2000’s they were exiled as shorthand for the clueless tourist and the over prepared dad. This fashion statement remained in purgatory as a symbol of those that could never be cool but could demonstrate an unattractive statement of independent thinking.
After my brief hiatus from writing regularly, I returned to The Collective. An incredibly cool place to train with the undeniably cool Ballet Dance professional Jaime Diaz. Shockingly I walked into the studio only to see Mr. Latin Cool with a leather bag strapped across his chest ----- It was a Fanny Pack!!!
This now fashion accessory has risen from exile while I was launching my book. It has had a redemption but renamed as a belt bag or waist bag. Worn crossbody by Streetwear fans, Festival goers, Rappers, and influencers. Additionally worn by people who are extremely practical or confident or both. To me it is still technically a dad satchel or an indicator that you are the leader of a guided city tour. Nothing says confident like strapping your valuables directly to your abdomen. I respect the efficiency but emotionally I am still processing it.
I had better stay closer to home in the coming year for fear something else might be resurrected from fashion purgatory…..
Connectability is out today!
Dear Readers,
Today is a very special day that started many years ago when I wrote a blog about an extended trip to Venice, Italy. That blog morphed into this blog, È Solo un Trucco, which saw me through a very challenging time of transition. And today that blog has morphed again into my debut book, Connectability.
Connectability is available for purchase on Amazon.
If you would like to purchase the book I would offer a special plea to please purchase it TODAY (October 28th). Amazon is very tricky with its algorithm and rankings and books purchased on the first day count the most.
Kirkus Indie Review:
“An insightful commentary on the work of a salesman that conveys homespun wisdom in colorful prose.”
This book has been a labor of love that has been supported by many people including the team at Greenleaf Book Group, Fast Company, my wonderful coach, Stacy Ennis, the excellent Nour Seikaly and the team at Grey House PR, all of my family and friends, especially my children - Amanda, Abigail, Alexander, Emily, and William. I’m sure there are many others who deserve thanks and I assure you I will deliver them in person.
And finally, an incredibly special thank you to you, my readers, who have supported me as I developed as an author, always offering your thoughts, feedback and personal stories. It is an incredible gift to connect with you in this way and I am very grateful to you.
I hope you will buy the book and enjoy it and, as always, I look forward to your thoughts.
With gratitude,
Fred
P.S. If you find yourself in the Bay Area this evening please join us at the launch event.
The Joy Is In The Moment
There is nothing attractive about a public men’s room unless it is situated in a Four Seasons, where someone’s job is to clean it every hour. Men’s rooms are rather disgusting affairs with water all over the sinks and evidence that even though men have only one sword they cannot seem to find the goal. It is like soccer – how can it be that difficult to get that little thing into such a big net. Furthermore, in spite of all of the warnings both pre and post – covid, I know that not all men wash their hands no matter if it is number one or number two. However, there is one occasion, in a men’s room, where men behave as if they are filming a commercial for the CDC.
The scene: A small men’s room in an upscale neighborhood, on the second floor of a respectable hotel. There are two stalls occupied with number two activity in process. There are two urinals unoccupied at the moment. I enter about to engage in number one activity. I am followed by a father and his young son – they are about to occupy the second urinal next to me.
I have two sons, and I have experienced the following.
When you're a father and you're teaching your young son how to navigate a public men's room you have no resemblance to the description offered in the first paragraph. As the father and teacher, you are a completely different person. You become a flag bearer for appropriate and purposeful hygienic behavior --- all CDC approved.
Case in point. Father and son--- This is one of those father-knows-best moments. The father is using his best and kindest voice. It is a patient voice as he explains the process while at the same time warning his young son not to touch anything. The little boy successfully extracts his unit for this activity. I am not sure his aim is particularly good, but I know he gets close. Afterall there are men much older than this boy that can’t find the urinal either. After a successful pee, he is able to button up. All the while the father is guiding him with love and patience. Important last step – wash your hands. They go to the sink and thoroughly wash hands and dry. In the meantime, the two disgusting men completing their number two activity, exit the bathroom without even considering washing their hands. Just think they will be shaking someone hand within the next few minutes. Having found the urinal for a good portion of my activity I, too, go to the sink. The father, the boy and I all discuss the benefits of hand washing.
Life has a way of presenting problems, sadness, struggles and challenges but it also gives us the most unexpected joy in the simplest but necessary of functions. This little boy and his father will remember these moments as theirs and theirs alone with a sweet joy and pride that few simple tasks offer.
I remember them still…..
An Exciting Announcement
September 2020
I was deep in depression over my inability to sell my beloved ranch. My daughter called me from London and said “Dad, you have got to find something to do to take your mind off of the ranch sale. Why don’t you start writing again?” Two years prior I had a written a travel blog under the title: Il Vaporetto di Fred while I was staying at a dear friend’s home in Venezia.
Thus, five years ago I started writing my blog “È Solo Un Trucco.” It was through your loyal readership and support that I decided to write a book about the value and quality of human centered relationship building. And now on October 28th my first book:
Connectability: Mastering Relationship Building in Business, Sales, and Beyond will be published. I am proud to have accomplished this task but it has not been without a great deal of help from my family, friends, editor and publisher. As they say “it takes a village” and in deed book publishing, like many other endeavors, takes more than the writing.
And now I am writing to you, my dear readers, for your support. In the book world it is important for ratings that the book be purchased on the publication date October 28, 2025. I would be ever-so grateful if you would order the book from Amazon on that date. You will help me with my ratings. More importantly, it will encourage me to write more!!!!
I know you are all busy so I promise I will send a reminder.
I am so grateful for your support and for this amazing gift.
With gratitude,
Fred
The Rose
My friend Tom, who is thankfully an avid reader of this blog sent me this post that I had written sometime ago. Since it is the end of Rose season and the next step will be to prune them. It seemed appropriate to repost this as I believe the thoughts expressed are still compelling. Thank you for your patience. I am traveling new content coming in October.
With gratitude,
Fred
He was a dedicated attorney who worked hard and was always in demand. In the hot summers of Southern California, he would arrive home before dark so that he could tend to his roses. He always wore a coat and tie to the office. In the summer he worn light gaberdine slacks and a linen sport coat that his wife had pick out for him. Much to her chagrin rather than changing into more appropriate gardening attire he would water his roses, managing to splash mud on his “nice” clothes. His wife – my mother -- was never happy with the result. However, it did not seem to have the appropriate behavioral change as the moment for tending roses was immediate without planning.
At various times in my life I, too, have made an attempt to be a dedicated rose gardener. They are somewhat delicate plants that attract a lot of garden diseases and pests. Vineyards use them as the “canary in the coal mine” as they are planted at the end of the rows of grape vines to warn of disease as they are affected first. I haven’t had roses in a long time as life changes and disruptions took me away from the time it takes to cultivate roses that have a resemblance to the perfect specimens you buy at the florist.
It is easy to say “no” to rose care—— just one more thing to take care of.
Recently roses came into my life. Saying “no” seems to be the immediate response when hearing a request. I suppose it’s the inference of commitment that triggers that response. Regardless those ignored requests stick in our mind as we find a way to carry out the response we should have given in the first place.
As if to correct a wrong I spent the better part of my Sunday digging a hole through cement and rock in preparation of planting . Today, I drove an hour to a rose farm to buy the rose that will occupy that hole in the ground.
In some small way I have returned to something my father treasured in his life. More importantly I think this plant will remind me to think twice before saying “no.” That answer is a good way to eliminate opportunity and experiences. Thus, like good rose care pruning such responses is critical.
The rose: a symbol of a gentle chance
Bro Discoveries
Birthday
Turning 16 — it is a big deal. In California it is centered around the ability to drive a car. Various rules are now in place that make that event not so immediate and perhaps not as momentous. I sat next to my newly minted 16-year-old grandson a few days ago. For me and perhaps for him, driving had little to do with the arrival of his 16th birthday. What I noticed was a coming of age and his understanding that he was in control of his destiny and his fulfillment were very much attainable through his dedication and desire. He has dedicated himself to tennis excellence. He believes with the combination of academic success and high achievement at tennis, he would find good choices in higher education. But that is not what I was seeing as we sat next to each other at lunch. Owen has become engaging --- a social animal one might say. He no longer finds it necessary to create problems with his younger brother and sister. He no longer sits quietly with that “I have to get out of here” expression. There is a conversational understanding of irony, sarcasm, and caring that has become part of his personality. It is fun to converse, and he will share parts of his life which before were kept locked up. Admittedly we are pals, he refers to me as “bro” – a hi ascendancy in my book. I am proud of this young man not because of the markers he has achieved but because he has come to understand that connecting with others in an empathetic way will help him succeed. More importantly it will help him to enjoy a richer relationship with the person sitting next to him. Good job, Bro!
Sunday
Not such a good job, Bro. I am disappointed with myself. I literally wasted an entire Sunday watching professional football. What was stunning to me was other than the 49ers I cared little for any of the other games that I dedicated an entire day of my life. How did the NFL achieve or discover the formula that has so captured the American audience. I am not much for attending these games in a stadium because the game is far less interesting. It is slow with many stoppages and interruptions. It is the television that is football’s kryptonite for me. I have concluded that this success is not the game or who won, it is all the ancillary activities that surround the game. Most importantly it is the personalities that are announcing the game.
Example: Monday Night Football: It was a double header. The first game between the Buccaneers and the Texans. I could care less about either of these teams, yet I watched because I find Troy Aikman and Joe Buck to be so good at their job, I am willing to listen. The second game was between the Raiders and the Chargers. I have far more interest in the Chargers, but the announcers were so boring I turned it off halfway through. I have no amazing point to make by this commentary other than I was willing to get sucked into this all-day marathon and the discovery that it has little to do with the game and everything to do with the show around the game. Com’on Bro!!!
Next Sunday I am going to watch Owen play tennis – I will feel better about myself…
Shared Space
I have lived in places with tight road ways and in places with lots of space.
The roads in my current neighborhood are narrow and curvy with the added challenge of steep hills. Most of the drivers have trouble understanding that they have more room on the right and tend to drive more in the middle this shared space. I have learned that the cars traveling up the hill have the right of way or the courtesy way over the driver coming down the hill. Why is that you might ask? It dates to a time when horses were the primary mode of transportation. A horse moving down the hill can stop and start up again with less effort. A horse climbing the hill has to stop, adjust to the weight of the carriage, and struggle to start up again after losing momentum.
Why, you might ask, is he writing about this?
I was wanting to understand the difference in human interaction at play between my previous farming community and my present community.
While living in a small farming community dominated by narrow roads, I found the interaction between drivers was easier to negotiate and far more pleasant. Uniformly, the experience of driving in that farming community was a pleasant recognition as we drove past each other. There was a wave to the oncoming driver, flashed our lights in acknowledgment or in some other way recognized that they were another human sharing the road. A recognition that they were existing in the same shared space.
In my new tighter community circumstance, I find a universal lack of recognition and even a certain amount belligerence as we drive by each other in our shared space. Antagonism if, god forbid, they would have to stop or make room for me to pass by. It is the mistaken belief that the road is theirs and accommodation is never needed? If even there was such feeling it is the lack of any acknowledgment which is curious. Most drivers look straight ahead ignoring the possibility of human interaction. There is no eye contact. On the offhand chance they do look my way, it is a look of disapproval. Should I be so audacious as to be using the road at the same time? Perhaps it is the expectation that I should drive my car over the embankment to provide them a little more space.
No matter where you are, what you do, or who you believe in, we are still humans occupying the same shared space. Seems at this time we need to find a way to share that space with courtesy and perhaps even a friendly smile.
Can we find some space for compassion, warmth and consideration in a world of narcissism, rapacity, and avarice? Seems to me a little wave and a smile would be an easy bar to achieve as I drive by on our narrow curvy roads.
What to write?
September 1st
It feels like the beginning of fall, though technically a few weeks away. There is something unique about the calendar turning to September. More so than the other seasonal changes, September is announcing a confusing assortment —— the coming of year end, the start of the holidays, harvest time, and the start of the school year. A time of endings and beginnings. …. a special time. Where I live the weather becomes perfect with warm days and chilly evenings. For others, it is the end of sweltering hot humid days and a welcome few of tolerable weather, but the beginning of hurricane season. It is a conflagration of beginnings and endings, of welcoming and foreboding. Coming back from summer vacation, we are back to work and wrapping things up before the holidays.
And so, I am hopeful but confused ….
What to write, what to write???
I do not think it is “writer’s block,” although that would be the assumption. There is plenty to write about. It is just that most of it seems so negative. I started thinking about power and wondering why, in 2025 that power is personified by the negative. Power is now defined as taking things away from someone. The more you can take, the more powerful you are. When did power become all about denial or limitation? Historically, our culture has seen governmental power as an opportunity to be additive to society.
FDR – The New Deal – Roosevelt redefined the role of government in protecting welfare and restoring hope and stability.
Lyndon Johnson (LBJ) Civil Rights Act – Voting Rights Act -Medicare- Medicaid.
Richard Nixon – Marred by the Watergate Scandal, but – He opened relationship with China that changed our economic prospects -Salt Treaty I – Created the Environmental Protection Agency and The Clean Air Act
Barack Obama – The Affordable Care Act – Consumer Protection – Financial Reform – Economic Recovery and Stabilization
There are many more examples of how governments in the past have sought to be contributors to society. They have given rather than taken away. These presidents gained power by providing benefits to society as a whole.
I struggle to write today because our government is in the mode of taking things away from society. It has cast a negative context on most things. It is rare if not impossible to find a news item that is adding something to society. Power is defined as what has been taken away or what can be prevented from being given. Fabricated crisis that has allow government to take away your freedom of choice.
There was a time when leadership was about support and caring. Do we want leaders that can add to society or is the purpose of leadership to take away?
It is a beautiful day here and I feel fortunate to be able to walk to have a coffee and enjoy the brief conversation with the people around me. But the days move slowly now as word of some tragedy or news of something being taken is announced. Is that truly how we should be conducting our society? The positives in life are now more narrowly defined. Finding positives are closer to home as we seek happiness and validation through a limited circle of family and friends.
Maybe the respite offered by the fall sports agenda – tennis-soccer-college football-NFL- MLB-NHL-NBA-WNBA --- will be seen as a positive addition to our lives of societal and cultural loss??
I have my doubts – after all, they took away the Pac 12 !!!!
The Winds of Change
The Winds of Change
I like the wind…
This summer has been cool with a breeze almost every afternoon – sometimes more than a breeze. I was under the mistaken impression that wind affected the energy molecules in the body and thus creating a phycological shift. Turns out that is not true. Wind is air molecules which are in constant motion. Wind is caused when they are moving together in one direction. Wind acts on humans in a sensory way, not in an energetic way. A breeze feels comfortable on a hot day and irritating on cold days. People who like wind love the stimulating sensation as it feels lively and refreshing. The negative is that it is messy as in messing up your hair or dust and it is noisy.
Symbolically the wind represents freedom, change, and vitality. However, it can also be seen as representing instability, chaos, and even danger. People who like intensity and change tend to like wind more than people who prefer calmness.
Even though there is no direct psychological connection or molecular connection I feel wind is very indicative of where we are as a society and matches the energy of those people who like it and those that don’t.
If I can pick and choose from these various attributes and assumptions, I feel the sense of freedom and change. The wind seems to drive a sense of need to be moving to be out “in it” as one might say. The Bay Area is in general a place with a lot of air movement and thus is has a sense of energy and change. Just look at the change the west and especially California has brought. Whereas the relative air stability of other parts of the county seem more comfortable with stability and a lack of change. By contrast the wind is a harbinger of what I see unfolding daily now in the US. Representing instability, chaos and even danger.
It feels to me as if it is a windy day every day.
I welcome change, freedom, and vitality, but the current wind from the east is a concerning signal of danger, instability and chaos.
Keep your hat on….the winds of change
Put It In A Bottle
Our world of markers….school, work, life…we have attached markers to everything. We are more concerned about the marker than the path.
Said to the visitor: When did the plane arrive, how long did it take, how long was the uber ride, where are you staying, when are you leaving?? Maybe instead: I am so happy you are here, your being here has made my life better, we are lucky to experience the next few days together.
Getting away from the markers and embracing the experience should be the goal but we get distracted by the markers, maybe because the emotions are too hard to hold.
I don’t think I set out to have a large family but behold – I have one. Big families are great but these families eventually ( or maybe often) drift apart. Not because we want them to, but then life shows up and takes them away. This is not a universal truth, however, families with hi performing children tend to take that performance on the road. Schools, relationships, jobs, desire, a wanderlust to take risk and be somewhere else that isn’t so comfortable. Life gets in the way of keeping large families together. I know such people but I am generally surprised to learn they have grown up and stayed in the same place. Not to generalize, but I think it is more of an American thing than it is a European thing. It is the case with my family as we stretch from San Francisco to London. My parents lived in the same house for 75 years. I moved away and never spent more than 5 years in the same house. Like the markers I was suggesting earlier I am describing my family in those terms. What is more important than this historical rendering is the emotion of my family which travels with me at all times and then….
Saturday
We were all together at the same time in the same place. Although one could say this evening was a marker of sorts it was far more than that simple benchmark of being in the same place. This was a magical evening where the world stopped for a few moments. Everyone had done the heavy lifting of organizing, traveling, arranging and doing. For those precious hours we were all together. Sharing a meal at the same table, talking about nothing, and talking about everything. Whatever was the problem, the inconvenience, perhaps the disagreement, or whatever it was that life gives us daily was put on pause. It was a moment to embrace, to treasure, to love and be loved. No one was looking at their watch, worried about getting out of the parking lot. This group of family members, my family, were present and available to themselves and each other. It was the occasion of our being together as a family unit. We loved the moment and we love each other.
I appreciated and loved the moment and am thankful to be there but, to be honest, I so want to put it in a bottle so I could take a sip now and again.
I love you, Dad, aka, Fred
Something Positive
I know I know I was absent last week but I have a good excuse….
There seems to be a common theme that somehow our young students of high school age have lost their way or are not up to the task of assuming adulthood and controlling the reins of society. I must say given the current occupants of the seats of power it really is not going to be a very high bar to surpass.
I find Pete Buttigieg’s comments more accurate and worthy of listening “Rarely does history assign so many forms of urgent work to a single generation.” “Young people have moral authority and imagination and courage in ways that are very very much needed at this time.”
Comments like that send a positive message rather than the moronic comments emanating from the Secretary of Education and the White House.
I can attest to the fact that on my one sampling the new generation is well up to the task and prepared. I missed my writing last week as I was giving a lecture to 500 hi-achieving high school seniors from around the country at UC Santa Barbara’s pre-college program.
I was honored to speak to these amazing students. I can report that these representatives of the new generation of University students will be a welcome addition to the leadership of the world. They were attentive, engaged and were not on their cell phones but instead were taking handwritten notes. The most enjoyable and revealing part of the afternoon was during the question-and-answer portion. I stayed for over 45 minutes answering a myriad of questions about the importance of connection and building relationships. This group of young future professionals were articulate and thoughtful.
It was the highlight of my summer. Most importantly it emphasized for me that these students and their generation will be a welcome relief to what we are living with. They are empathetic, they listen and they follow up. Ignore the many broad-brush comments that demean these students. They carry themselves with confidence as they have the ability to find solutions while creating a more inclusive society.
I am thankful to be given the opportunity and will look forward to coming back next year to speak to the next group of hi-achieving young adults.
As if my week were not positive enough --- I returned to San Francisco for the 40th anniversary dinner celebrating the “No Kid Hungry” campaign of Share Our Strength. The amazing organization co-founded by Billy and Debbie Shore.
In spite of the head winds thrown at them by the current administration Share Our Strength has made incredible progress at eliminating childhood hunger in the US and has now taken their effort globally. Thank you to the individual efforts of the attendees at this 40th anniversary dinner at Nancy Oakes’s amazing Boulevard Restaurant. But these events do not happen without a team of incredibly talented chefs – Dana Younkin, Daisy and Greg Ryan, Melissa Perello, Elizabeth Falkner, Kelly Mariani and the Scribe Wine Family, assisted by the amazing staff of Boulevard Restaurant led by Carlye Linborg-Sandry, Leslie Krause and Jacob Paroyan.
With gratitude for an amazing and inspiring week…..
Just Another Day
What is the correct measurement for a successful day?
It is Sunday and I am considering my opinion of a successful day as a day filled with accomplishments. “Accomplished” might be too high a bar of achievement for this day as it sounds very intentional. Getting up – coffee- bed making – teeth brushing. They don’t really belong in the accomplishment bucket. This Sunday felt like I was filling a space --- except, of course, for my Italian lesson. But why should I ruin my Sunday by creating a bar of accomplishment that would make it an acceptable day? If every day has to exceed that bar or measure up to that bar then what does that mean for those days that don’t measure up? Were they less of a day or more of a day that you must measure them against each other? Why measure it at all?
I met a man at my favorite coffee bar this morning during my intentional trip for coffee. He was well put together, clothing wise, and appeared to be in good shape. I would put him in the 70’s range or as I like to say he traded with a “7” handle. Turns out he is 91!!!! WTF he would be an accomplishment just standing there. Turns out he has accomplished a lot in his life. I did not take enough time to truly engage and appreciate this human. He had arrived at this point fully functional and accomplished. Not only that, he told me he had a list of things still to do. It is that old challenge of being present in the moment. As I was listening, I was thinking of the things I had to do in order to falsifying my imaginary achievement list. A true accomplishment would have been to take a few extra minutes to connect to another human who was the epitome of accomplishment. Not just in a material way or in the way of, look what I did today, but in a true human way. He was worth acknowledging not only for all that he had done, but for what he would accomplish in the years ahead.
My thought for the day … days are spinning by – the year is half over, so rather than filling your Sunday with things or filling it with accomplishments that you can put on an imaginary ledger; find something or someone to be present with and see what might happen. --- you might actually accomplish a real achievement.
I know, you think I had too much time on my hands last Sunday…but
I have a lot to accomplish this week…….Tomorrow could be…. just another day…..
The Party (La Festa)
Client entertainment – super bowl parties --- after parties - dinners – lunches all to show the client your appreciation. Some extravagant, some not, but they all take time, organization, and money. The work falls on the few but they make all the difference for the many. Not sure if the attendees are either aware or fully appreciate the individual effort it takes to put on a party for hundreds, especially if it is a full sit-down meal in a remote location. I was fortunate to be invited to such a party and this is my thank you for all the work and all the effort, care, and love that went into creating this event for 250 people.
To accomplish this task there needs to be a leader as nothing gets done without a visionary and a driver to keep everyone in motion. For this event it was the amazingly talented Giulia. Not just The General Manager of Isaia (The Worldwide Fashion Brand) but the overall source of all knowledge of the island of Capri, Isaia, and it seems to me for everything else. Clearly a force to be reckoned with for all things Italian. She was assisted by the beautiful and efficient Antea and a host of team members who helped make everyone feel special and attended to. There, of course, are the guests who take it upon themselves to change the table placements because, well, some just cannot resist, but these party hosts made even those disruptions solvable with limited drama. I am disappointed that I cannot remember all of the names but I hope you will know that your amazing work and gracious hospitality was noticed. Then there are my pals Patrick of Milano and Tarek of San Francisco. These are the people for whom you travel around the world to see and the people that make Gianluca Isaia, the third generation Chief Executive Officer, look every bit the respected fashion icon and marketing innovator as he roamed the floor in distinctive blue with his signature sandals. .
The event:
Capri, Italia
A ferry ride from Capri to Nerano for a lunch and after party. Lo Scoglio da Tommaso, this restaurant is built over a large boulder bordering a beautiful blue clearwater bay. The food and wine never stopped. Place cards for everyone. The service was beyond the possible as wine glasses were never empty and the food promptly served and perfect. The after lunch Sgroppino Ceremony was spectacular – super fun and ---- “Could I have one more please?” To give you an idea of just how much fun this event was – I arrived at 12:30 pm and left at 8:00pm and I was definitely not the last to leave.
There is something “so Italian” to be in and of the moment. You might have thought this was “the last” party but , no, it was just a great party. The service was not only good but the camerieri were super fun and enjoying the party. I wanted them to sit down and join the party. They were definitely part of the party. Giulia had managed to put together the perfect event for the time of day and for this disparate worldwide assemblage of people who did not know each other. They were bonded by the love of the brand, Isaia, and the artistry of its design. More than just clothing, this brand has managed to impart a feeling of family not only with employees but with clients. Gianluca Isaia was present and available to all as he stopped at every table to say hello and chat about whatever was immediately important to talk about.
Thank you is not enough to acknowledge the many behind the scenes who made this event happen – Giulia Natale is the leader and guide that managed to bring together this eclectic and elegant group. She provided the venue for all to embrace the moment and enjoy the brilliant Italian sun and the stunning Amalfi waters. For those few hours all of the issues of the day were put aside allowing a moment of friendship and beauty in Italia, il bel paese.
Grazie mille---Grazie Tantissimo---Grazie Proprio
Spero ci vediamo presto!!!
(My apologies to my readers for missing the last two weeks —- now you know why —- My bad)
Father’s Day
Father’s Day
My two sons are now Fathers. My eldest son became a father two years ago and now my youngest son is celebrating his first Father’s Day. It is a singular event in a man’s life when they have children.
I suppose it is the father that does the teaching; however, these two men have taught me a lot about being a parent.
Why? You will just do it over…..
As a parent you want to balance the support and encouragement with the appropriate amount of discipline. Sometimes we get in our own way by insisting on a level of excellence that we did not achieve. But somehow think we did. One afternoon I asked my eldest son to wash the car. He was in high school at the time and he turned to me and said “why should I do that you are just going to do it over.” It was a real wake up call for me as a father. If you ask for a job to be done, you have to accept that the job will be done to the best of their ability. Doing it over sends the message that you cannot be successful at “doing” in your own way and to your satisfaction. He was right if I did not want to accept his way of doing things then I should have done it myself.
It’s never good enough.
Standing in the kitchen with my youngest son who was in high school at the time. I was looking at his report card. By anyone’s standards this was a solid report card especially as he had just transferred to a new school and was getting his footing. I chose that moment to instruct him on the challenges of getting into college and how he would have to improve. “It’s just never good enough for you,” he yelled. Shocked at the reaction I found patience and took the next few hours to reflect. His success or failure is owned by him and him alone. What he has accomplished then and now is definitely good enough because it is good enough for him.
Both of these incidences, although years apart, were lessons learned for this father. From that point on I have treated my sons differently. We have learned to be respectful and to acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses. My love for them is far stronger as I now acknowledge their strengths and turn to them for advice and counsel. I miss my own father on this day and every day as his good counsel and willingness to learn is dearly missed.
Being a good father is not about how much you know it is about how much you are open to learning. My children have been the best teachers of all. I have learned to respect their knowledge and their guidance. As this is Father’s Day I am acknowledging my sons who have arrived at that most dear moment in their lives where they too can begin to enjoy the immensely challenging part of their lives and the most rewarding. I have no doubt that they will prove to be loving fathers who will teach but will also be open to learning. Their children will be as my children have been ---- great teachers.
Happy Father’s Day