No Matter What Or How You….

Celebrate ——- Christmas — Hanukkah —- Yalda Night (Islam) — Winter Solstice or a Pagan ritual —- this is a time of year to renew your friendships, acknowledge those you love, and recognize how fortunate your are. It does not matter what ritual you practice to help you be more connected with the people around you, this is a time to be grateful and to give thanks. The terms we use are only a way in which we can communicate and acknowledge that I celebrate you and I celebrate how you choose to celebrate.

Merry Christmas

The Eyes Have It

Expectation------A strong belief that something will happen. Thus--was my feeling as I approached the venue for a gathering of thought leaders on the broadly defined environmental and regenerative agriculture space. Anticipation --- another powerful feeling as I anticipated meeting these profound thinkers for the first time, to learn and importantly to feel. There is a certain amount of personal risk.  The risk you would learn nothing, a risk you will come to know your own lack of knowledge, come away empty handed.  One does not grow and expand without taking risk and therefore, with anticipation, expectation, and a willingness to take the risk the result would be a welcome expansion of knowledge, understanding, and a chance to encounter.

My good fortune….

I attended this gathering

I am just a bond guy spending a career riding interest rates from 20% to zero. Who knew reading a balance sheet would be so important when credit spreads were all the rage.  So, with a bag of unrelated talent and limited knowledge I arrived at a magical venue--- 

The room was long and narrow, not the sort that encourages connectivity or for revealing oneself. The room softened as the organizer spoke of the goals for the next few days and encouraged the assemblage to release the guard rails.  A woman who one would not expect to be forthcoming of a personal story was the keynote speaker.  She seemed more accustomed to being protective, however, she set the tone by exposing the unique challenges of her life.  Sharing the struggles of abuse and pain, she now stood as an example of how one can achieve more through openness as she lives a life of discovery, kindness, love, and accomplishment.    Reason enough for the audience to go forward with open minds and hearts.  Suddenly the room changed from protection to inclusion and love.

Family offices and venture capital could be viewed as only for the well-heeled rather than the well-worn.  However, the sympathy and concern demonstrated by this group would dissuade even a cynic from that belief.  Participants did not appear to be concerned with wealth, rather they were concerned for the environment, protection of the planet, and for those most vulnerable to the ravages of centuries of neglect in the name of progress.

The final event encapsulated all that had been learned and achieved during the sessions conducted by well thought individuals who had volunteered their time.  In a way the ceremony, conducted by a talented coach, was a “shuffling of the cards”.  Participants were asked, while standing in a beautiful garden, to move about and around each other while focusing their eyes on the eyes of another person as they pass by.  On three different occasions we were asked to stop in front of the person to focus solely on that one human.  The coach gave instructions, we were told to not lose focus but to stay connected to this person through our eyes.  As time moved slowly the awkwardness of the moment gradually slipped away. We felt the sincerity and warmth of the person in front of us as our eyes revealed unspoken truths of lives and feelings.

The eyes are the most important sensory organ.  This gathering provided the perfect canvas for the eye to absorb the fullness of the physical and spiritual.  In a spiritual context the eye is the body’s open door to insight, clarity, vision, the ability to see beyond the physical realm, connection to the soul, truth and awareness.  This final forum provided an exclamation point to our visual amazement and hi value knowledge accumulation. 

It was this moment which created a further bridge to connectivity.  While focused on your ephemeral partner, thinking of the secular world faded to the background.  I have set aside my ulterior motives and need to achieve.  What I see is the depth of your being, your eyes tell me of the pain you have suffered, the resilience of your spirit and the softness of your heart.  You are a human and I only wish to connect in that way.  I want nothing from you but your friendship.  I want to know what you care about and what I can learn from you.  You have experienced much and I am privileged to be allowed inside if even for this moment.

So many gifts were received over these three days, however it was these three people that gave of themselves and of their being that will remain in my heart.

 Your eyes are a reflection of your spirit…….

Family Vacation

I apologize for not writing last week, I was on a wonderful family vacation …..

Someone was complaining about something, someone didn’t like where they were sitting, someone was looking at the other in a way they didn’t like, it was someone’s turn to walk the baby, the plane was late, the food order was wrong, there were no chairs left on the beach, the hotel charged for towels, a cappuccino was 12.00 (still 1.20 euro in Italy), the room did not face the ocean, someone forgot their swimsuit, underwear, tooth brush, favorite outfit and so it goes on the first day of a family vacation.  Complaints, things forgotten, arguments and other such disappointing and negative things seem to be a part of family gatherings.  Some family members make the event,  some fail to be there.  Yet….

On the way home while walking through the airport I asked my son “How do we hold on to the warmth and positive feelings we experienced on this holiday together?” Each day I surveyed the families on their vacation, the whinging and whining seem universal.  However, so do the laughs, photo ops, smiles and hugs.  As we concluded our holiday and proceeded home to our “normal” life we said how much enjoyment we received during these few days together.   However, the first question was “how was your flight home?” Uneventful! – A five-hour delay!.  Better to ask “how much fun did you have?” “What is the event you will treasure the most?”  Why does tragedy force us to make the sacrifice to all come together – Why isn’t the family vacation as important?

I suppose it is an age thing as we deal with the eventual – less in front than in back – in spite of the challenges, arguments and other truly meaningless things that seem to take center stage the family vacation is a chance….

A chance to remember that we are related --- A chance to reaffirm our commitment to each other --- a chance to remember that as our family grows and others join and we in turn join theirs’s, we gather to reaffirm that this group, large or small, is our group.  That circle of people shares a special place in our lives.  Of course, we all have friends and work colleagues that we care about and spend time with, but, it is this family unit that occupies a special place in our hearts.  The more we are present and available to this unit the more we feel loved and supported.  When the inevitable crisis visits our family, we have a group that will be there to cry with us as we move through those eventual times of need.  The family vacation is that unique opportunity to sit with one another to find out what we missed while we were dealing with our lives.  That chance to remember that your sister or brother, father or mother is a unique person to you no matter the history.  Remember it is just history.  The family vacation is the present and the present is all we have. 

I am sorry you had a rough trip home, but what I really care about is that you took the trouble to come.  And while you are here, let’s talk about your life and mine and we can come to understand that I love you because you are just a little bit or a lot of me.  I love me and I love you.  I want to remember just how special our time together was this year and I am looking forward to another family vacation as long as they will come…..

“What a great trip we had ---- love you!!!” ---- “Mean it”

I Can’t Hear You

The plane touched down, in reality it was more like a jolt, but the flight did two things that make any flight perfect --- It took off and landed.  We exited into the “F” terminal of United.  This terminal is threadbare from decades of United flights.  The air upon arrival in San Francisco was always slightly cooler and fresher than almost any city in the United system.  Now, however, the dingy gray carpet is less welcoming while exiting the confinement of a regional jet.  Things improve as you leave the well-worn confines of “F” terminal and walk through a newly constructed exit hallway to the now brightly appointed “E” terminal.  In the old days this walk was a time of quiet reflection as you moved from restriction of the plane to the comfort of the familiar – your car.  Messages waited for you as your colleagues had left the office for the evening and important messages could be retrieved on your message machine.  Even more recently you might call into the office from your mobile phone, likely made privately from the comfort of your automobile.

“This is a really big deal, Justin, I want this closed by the time I arrive in Boston” The voice rang out throughout the hard surfaces of the newly build passage way. The conversation went on and on.  It was loud and obnoxious.  There was an urgent, arrogant quality to it as the speaker was taking the person on the other end to task over a transaction deemed important.

We no longer can be inconvenienced by holding a phone to our ear.  The ear buds were invented to solve this very inconvenience.  Preferring to ignore increased ear infections and the EMF waves coursing through your body at any given second, we accepted the ear buds as an acceptable risk of our digital universe.  While I might be concerned for your health – trust me—I do not give a shit about the conversation you have so thoughtfully decided we need to hear as you yell into the air while wearing those ear buds.

One more unintended consequence of Apple’s need to develop yet another “cute” device was giving users permission to walk through public spaces as if they are on stage at a karaoke bar.  Talking as if anyone wanted to hear you.  Put a head set around your ears and record your singing and listen to how bad you sound.  Coming to a turn in the terminal there is another man leaning against a counter, hands in his pocket, yelling his Tourette’s syndrome inspired one side conversation

These conveniences have managed to disturb yet another moment of public existence.  I don’t care about your big deal, your problems at home, or your dating arrangements, especially with that arrogant unpleasant voice.

I miss the flip phone….

Belief vs. Reality

We imagine ourselves to be who we say we are.  However, in reality who we are is a result of what we do and how we execute our beliefs.   We have moments of self-reflection, but the reality of who we are can be contradictory to our beliefs.

Sports offer an example of this contradiction.  Our loyalty to the teams we support clouds the truth of the reality.   My belief is the 49ers are a Super Bowl team. I think they should have won The Super Bowl twice over the last few years.  It is difficult for me to face the truth given my loyalty.  The fact is the 49rts lost those recent Super Bowls.  Contrary to my beliefs they are not a Super Bowl contender this year.  They are not living up to what I believe is true.   I hold hope and I talk about them as if the reality is not the present……

We talk about the United States in a similar fashion.  We are the greatest nation on earth with freedoms that are unique.  However, we are not the only nation with freedoms, many nations have freedoms and some have greater freedom.  We believe we are number one as if that is a global truth.   Believing we are number one across the landscape of measurements is not true.  The reality is we are number one in two categories.  On a per capita basis, we incarcerate more people than any other nation.  We are also number one in defense spending.  We spend more than the next twenty-six countries combined and twenty-five of them are allies.   However, we are not even in the top ten of most important societal measurements.  As an example, we are below the global average of literacy rates.  We rank #13 in education, 54th for infant mortality, and lower in overall health care than most developed countries, and the list goes on…

We have a belief of who we are—a great Jeffersonian democracy, a nation of moral values, a welcoming nation of immigrants, an impartial judicial system where “no one is above the law.“ If the election has taught us anything it demonstrated who we really are --- a nation of white men able to look the other way as they elect a convicted, foul-mouth felon to the highest office as a representation of who we are as a nation.  The glass ceiling for women remains firmly in place.  The social network, long an achievement of the Great Society is threatened.  Those that stand to be hurt the most by this administration’s policies stayed home and allowed white men to continue to rule.  They convinced those of lesser circumstance that they too can be like those wealthy, white males as long as they stay in their place.  Men continue to be afraid of women, and demand the subrogation of their rights. Sadly women continue to allow them to do so.  Immigrants became the villains after we invited them to do our dirty work. 

This election showed us who we really are,  not who we profess to be.  Our values, slogans and utterances of greatness and equality make for great reading but this election demonstrated otherwise.

As one says when disappointed with our team’s performance……

Wait ‘til next year!?

Confused

Some technicalities… My blog posts must be submitted to my platform by Tuesday so they can be sent out Wednesday at noon Eastern and 9:00am Western. I became distracted by watching the results of the United States election and became further confused as to what people were thinking when they went to vote and convinced they were not —— Thinking.

I will be back on schedule next week —-

Walking

I grew up in Los Angeles --- a driving city ---- you drive around the block to visit friends.  However, I am learning to walk more these days as the fitness crew says walking has the same effect as running --- hate running…

Roma, like many cities in Italia. is a walking city.  There are practical reasons for this. Besides being a living museum, with value on every corner, the subway system is limited, since digging in an ancient city means bumping into things that are worth preserving, and cars — forget about it..   As I walk around Roma, Milano, and Venezia I have become more observant of how people walk.  There is a difference in their gait, of course, but I started to observe the attitude one carries when walking in a crowded space.

There is the “hit-me-I-need-the -money style.  This person believes road signage is for cars or someone else.  No matter the circumstances they are going to walk where they want while staring down a four-thousand-pound vehicle as if that is going to have a positive outcome.  The opposite would be the timid walker glancing furtively everywhere --- sure that either scooter, bike, car, or another motorized object is coming for them.  Women walk in many ways. There is the I am a runway model and you may watch me but no eye contact.  The strutter - demonstrating that those heels are no different than your tennis shoes.  Woman have the most varied looks walking on their own.  I observe women to be command walkers meaning that they are in command and do not under any circumstances bother me because I will mess you up.  The fast walker racing to the next most important event.  The pretty walker, the athletic walker, and my favorite – the oblivious walker.

Men have walking styles but not so varied and not so much fun to watch.  There are strutters, of course, but many walk with an arrogance and style that challenges others to infringe on their personal space.  The distracted walker makes sure you sense the importance of his cell phone call – probably ordering a pumpkin spice something.  The competitor – no matter how many people are on this sidewalk he will be the winner.

Taking note of how people walk will tell you a lot about their availability to interact, their willingness to be authentic, or the success of their day.  There is a defensiveness about most walkers with the exception of couples, especially happy ones.  Hand in hand, arm in arm they seem to walk in a way that shields them from the bullies of the pathway. 

When it comes to walking through life, love has strength beyond mere compatibility.  If it doesn’t move mountains then maybe you will accept that it moves people ---- let’s face it on a crowded sidewalk that is hi- value.

You carry your day and your attitude in the way you walk.  Throw your shoulders back, lift up your gaze and see what success comes your way. ---- don’t forget we see you coming and if you are coming with a positive vision we will mirror that image.

I have to go now – my Uber is here….

What’s in a Name

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet” **

Katherine

This name draws its power from a saint martyred in Alexandria.  It has a rich history dating back to ancient Greece.  It means pure and heroes.  Katherine is pure and a leader meant for great things —- a leader pure of heart and intention.

William

The spiritual meaning of resolute protector and strong-willed warrior.  It’s Germanic origin is broken down in two part – will/desire and protection in a familial context.  William is compassionate and thoughtful with a strong sense of duty to those around him

Scarlett

The hue of red which denotes courage, passion and joy.  It is a color traditionally worn by Cardinals and associated with courage, passion and joy.

Grace

Grace is of Latin origin meaning goodness and generosity.  In Greece mythology the name refers to the three Graces – charm, beauty and creativity.  The religious concept of divine love and mercy.

Scarlett Grace

Born: 10/21/2024 at 7:46 pm

Her remarkable parents Katherine and William were thoughtfully chosen by this beautiful spirit child.

What’s in a name……?   Everything

Love, LB

** William Shakespeare   -- Romeo and Juliet

Out of Context

Concluding my hourly session on Instagram, I wondered about the fascination/addiction to this social media platform.  I have concluded that it is a desire to live life out of context.  Life is amazing in its simplest form and truly incredible to those willing to make an impact.  There is frequent opportunity to make a real-life impact.  We lose contact with our ability to make a positive difference.  Lost in the normality of what could be described as boring and repetitive.  I am greeted with a new day ---- perform a morning ritual, have the same thing for breakfast, commute to work, perform my work duties, have lunch, more work, commute again and on….  Easy to get lost in the ritual of our lives which puts a blinder on the beauty of the new day.   Life would appear more exciting if I took all of the repetition and just focused on the most pleasurable which by definition is out of context.

A politician’s speech for the most part is a boring rehash of what cannot be accomplished mixed with a fanciful peppering of promises destined to be forgotten.  Yet it is the out of context fantasy that we choose to embrace.  The out of context lies and remaking of history are somehow easier to believe than the hard truths of reality. 

Most of football whether it is American or the one the rest of the world plays is boring.  Players running up and down the field with no scoring for ninety minutes or American football with time-outs and empty minutes between plays yet we are enthralled with both.  We encapsulate the game in the one-minute highlight reel thus ignoring those empty minutes.  We choose to embrace the game out of context.

There was a thunderstorm warning last night.  Given the warning one might think that it would last the night and affect us in a significant way.  What I saw was the flash of light on the horizon which was out of context with the havoc the storm caused miles away.

IG is the perfect platform for a life lived out of context.  We can see the perfect female spandex impression of a person or the actor giving the perfect clever retort to the smiling host.  The politician stating an idea which seems too good to be true but in context is unrealistic to accomplish.  IG gives us life as we would like it ---

A perfect highlight reel of an AI invention

Construction

Dear Gentle Reader

My daughter has brought me kicking and screaming to the realization that my website needs some refurbishing.

È Solo Un Trucco will Resume in one to two weeks. In the meantime, be observant of the life around you You'll find it worth the effort

A presto

A Little Respect, Please

What is interesting about the casual wear revolution is it takes on an arrogant self-satisfying defensive posture.  Much in the same way as the buttoned-up tie wearing group that they are revolting against.  I just think it is revolting to wear your car-washing outfit to dinner.

In a similar manner that you want respect for your business accomplishments, the restaurant owner would like the same respect for their efforts. Remember the restaurant owner has to produce his/her best every night and it has to be different every night.  Your software program updates every quarter---maybe.

Case in point:

Not all cultures believe in the casual-for-all-occasions style.  Some actually believe that appropriate dress is a sign of respect for something so basic and important as food. Recently, I was in a restaurant in Milano.  The restaurant was in a sophisticated part of the city.  It was impeccably appointed.  It was not a Michelin Star restaurant but an excellent one with a diverse menu.  The owner and his partner were on the floor orchestrating the show which they must produce every night and yet they make their guests feel welcomed and unique.. I arrived at 8 which is early in this part of the world, and the restaurant reflected that with empty tables.  It gave me a good chance to speak in Italian with the owners and they were patient with me.  As I sat at my table with a view of the restaurant I watched as every table soon became occupied.   What I notice was how people were dressed.  The women were uniformly well put together.  They were not uniform in their looks but uniform in the effort.  To my surprise every gentleman had a jacket on.  Some wore suits with ties, but most wore in open collar shirts with sport coats as did I.  The entire dining room progressively felt more alive and special.  The patrons of this restaurant had taken the time to put themselves together and the restaurant brought its best look as well.  The combination was a show of mutual respect and the result was a lovely evening to remember.

It doesn’t take much to show appreciation and respect for one’s life effort ——- but you still have to do it!

Fashion at FedEx

Saturday night 530pm we are not at the hostess stand --- no no we are in line at the FedEx store picking up copies of my book manuscript. 

I digress for a moment....when did the memo come out that told grown men that their legs were so cute we wanted to see them wearing shorts everywhere??  Women look fantastic showing leg but no man can or should compete especially wearing hard shoes and black socks----I have seen this 😱
It is not the amount you spend  on your clothes it is how you present yourself.   It is valuable to demonstrate that you spent some time putting yourself together rather than coming to dinner in jeans, T-shirt, and ball cap.  The message--- I don't care how I look or making myself look my best.  It is disrespectful. 

Back to the  story

My daughter and I are standing in line. A distinguished gentleman comes up and we are now a line of three. I comment on the fact that we are here on a Saturday night,  that in turn moves the conversation along.
He is well turned out - Saturday late afternoon casual wear, but put together and he added a spark wearing white framed glasses. He commented that he liked my style. For a guy who spends money on clothes as I do, any compliment is well received.  We had a good discussion about fashion and Italian shoes.  Turns out he is a very important guy in the fashion business in San Francisco. I was honored that the three of us could have a great conversation about  fashion trends. We were not "dressed-up" but we were thoughtfully "put together".  Showing up in the same clothes you changed the oil does encourage conversation.  You present  yourself  to the world everyday. You never know if you are standing in line with a CEO or your future financé but just in case it takes just a little effort to present your best self

Even in the fashion conscious FedEx store

Packing

The ease and value of the short trip – one or two outfits not seven, low cost, fast execution ---- if it doesn’t work out you are only two hours from home.   

This past weekend I went to Vail, Co.  Not quite off-season, but it is quiet and autumn in the mountains is beautiful.  It is not that time of year when crowds become a consideration for everything you do --- reservations for dinner, lines to the lift, finding a seat at the bar.  This was a special trip as my son and daughter plus my favorite Canadian daughter-in-law gathered to celebrate the arrival of fall, cooler weather, and the arrival of a baby girl to add to our skiing posse.

I am not writing about the value of off-season travel, skiing or celebrating the birth of a granddaughter — no I am talking about packing.

 I walked into my daughters’ room and looked at the assortment of fabrics resting haphazardly within the confines of the two halves of her clam shell suitcase.  “I know dad, I haven’t improved my packing skills”. In truth I was somewhat of a packing czar in the days that I had more control over the comings and goings of my children.  I have mellowed these days and come to the understanding that how they pack for a trip is of little concern to me and very much an individual sport.  

There are clearly styles of packing, but philosophically I find packing the least attractive part of traveling with the possible exception of getting to the airport, taking my clothes off for security, waiting to be herded onto the plane, sitting in a sardine can of a seat in a sardine can of an airplane, hoping to recover luggage, finding a ride to your hotel, finding your hotel

I digress…. The idea of packing for a long trip, defined as more than a week but less than three is formidable.  The idea of peering into the future to decide what you are going to wear and to what, yet to be determined, event, is a challenge.  There is the issue of shoes — tennis shoes, casual shoes, formal shoes and what if you are a woman how many shoes for how many outfits can be daunting.  How cold will it be, will it rain?  Do I need sweaters and if so how many?  Just the idea of chronicling in your head all of your activities for days at a time, when you do not have access to that closet full of possibilities. After all of this foretelling of the future you have to figure out how to place all of these items into a suitcase.   I once dated a woman who literally wrap every piece of clothing in plastic wrap before placing it into the suitcase.  Now I like the idea of using plastic wrap judiciously but even I could not go that far.  

The value of the short trip is the convenience of carry-on vs checking your bag.  Figuring out what to wear for three days is a lot easier than for ten or twelve.  Mistakes can be corrected as your short trip is probably close to home and therefore you can always find a store selling the sweater you forgot.

Packing is not a one-way street…Once you have completed packing your selection and successfully arrived at your destination, now you have to unpack the bag.  Do you unpack everything? Just the things that need hanging, just your toilet items? For sure you will have to unpack everything because the pair of jeans you want to wear are at the bottom of the bag.    It is a good reason to limit the number of stops on your trip because it limits the number of times you unpack and pack.    

The short trip solves many of these problems — one packing and one repacking — 

By the way, why is it that even though you did not purchased additional items, is your bag more difficult to close?

My daughter had packed for a long trip and I in my smug, self-congratulatory way had packed for a short trip.  Managing to get everything in one carry-on bag.  One other unnecessary contest with yourself — At the end of the trip the goal is to have worn everything at least once.  I wore everything, only one repeat and everything washed.  Now that is successful packing .

I left my daughter’s room feeling good that I had not criticized her packing job which would have been the criticism of no value. Comfortable in the feeling that I did not have to repack her bag as I have become so adult in the understanding that my opinion is just that, an opinion but not necessarily correct. Plus, the comfort that I will repack all of my items I so carefully folded and placed in the bag but now I don’t have to worry about the shirts I wore because I have more to choose from when I return home.  

I am worried — next week I have to pack for a longer trip.   I am sweating with packing anxiety.

Work or Coffee

Sitting in my favorite Santa Barbara coffee spot…..

I have written about Aaron and Kim and their business, Handlebar, in previous posts.  They have become a local institution having been in business for 13 years.  I was down this way for an advisory meeting at the University of California Santa Barbara, a visit with an “old” friend and to have dinner at my favorite restaurant in all the world – Bell’s.  Having a little time, I stopped in for a coffee and visit with Aaron.  I brought my laptop and took the time to sit there and work.  I see people frequently sitting in coffee spots with their computers doing work or maybe just hanging, but they are here, in the same place as others --- a working community.

There is something about the community of people that drives them to find places to work together.  There is an efficiency about it as well.  As the discussion continues about remote work versus in-office work, I have observed that people still congregate to work.   In spite of the appearance of multiple distractions, the people here are working diligently and in a very focused manner.  Maybe it is the social pressure of wanting to appear busy or the support of seeing others working.  Whichever rational you choose; you will work and be seen as a team player.  Perhaps it is the visual of people working that drives one to work in concert. 

The distractions at home are different.  No one is watching…left to my own devices and no one watching I can go outside, pull weeds, water plants, or go to the kitchen to make something to eat, or clean out my closet, or a drawer, or whatever meaningless distraction happens to grab my magpie lack of focus.

I liked the community of an office.  We might complain that we wished we were somewhere else but as long as we were here together, we might as well work and perform at our best. 

Although there is the appearance of community and support in the coffee bar office, we are still in our silos of insular effort.  We often are not talking to each other.  I am sitting next to a woman who is working and we are not speaking.   I don’t know her; I might bother her, but we are working and in our happenstance of a community, but we are alone.  The office has the advantage of the commonality of purpose and of familiarity.  We speak to each other and collaboration is achieved as the walls of unfamiliarity do not exist.

We are humans and are most comfortable when we are with others in support of a common goal.  Yet we strive to work remotely.  Here in the undesignated office, we find a community of others to work with.   In reality it is a cheap substitute because we are working next to rather than with.

One additional thought perhaps it is the drudgery and challenge of just getting to a place of work that is the real culprit.  If it were as easy to get to work as it is to find a coffee spot, would we be more willing to go to work in an office.  An office of community, friends and common purpose. 

One more advantage to office work for you distrusting types ---- your colleagues see you working rather than wondering if you are making a sandwich….

Core Values

There is the view of self and then there is the view from others.  The Presidential election seems to draw this into sharper focus.  The Democratic candidate, Ms. Kamala Harris, made it a point to tell people that her core values remain the same.  Her opinion or views on politically charged subjects have changed overtime.  Her opponent, the convicted felon, does not seem to have core values, but has opinions that change depending on what is politically expedient.  However, his core value of self-importance is consistent.  He remains dedicated to self and nothing else.

Does your core personality change when people see you in a different way?  I think I am a person with core values that have been consistent.  However, not everyone sees me in that same light.  My children see me in a certain way, my business colleagues see me in another way.  I have had relationships where the view started in one silo but over time depending on the relationship success or lack thereof changed to a completely different one.    Often that change of understanding was charged with anger and disappointment. 

Did I change or does my core stay the same while the ephemeral view of another person change? Perspective is all important.  It is similar to people’s view of the traffic accident where two witnesses describe two completely different scenes. One sees a blue car while the other swears it was red.  

I have a view of myself and a belief system that forms the core of who I am.  For most in my circle of family, friends and colleagues that is enough and accepted.  For others who have changed their understanding of my core values, it is often charged with anger and disappointment. The philosopher would say do not be concerned with what others think.  In all probability the thoughts of others are determined, not by a change in one’s core value, but rather a change in them.  That change needs to find a home, a reason for being.

It is the true strength of and necessity to understand the value of empathy.  Not only to understand another point of view but to understand where that view was formulated.  An understanding of core value.  If I find a reason to be angry with you to justify that anger, I am probably not in full understanding of the why of your behavior or the value system from which you operate.  Finding that understanding will lead to a better relationship regardless of opinions.

I respect Ms. Harris for focusing on her core values and her desire for the voters to understand them.  I find it impossible to respect her opponent because he has demonstrated a complete lack of a value system.  I might agree or disagree with policy as the likelihood of those promises coming to fruition is fraught with challenges.  However, what I can rely on is an understanding of a value system from which the individual operates. That is a far better use of one’s time when making a decision on whether or not you wish to build a relationship or vote.

I remain true to my core and I respect those that follow their’s.

Boy, I have to lighten up!!!

Enough

My favorite chef and dear friend was visiting with her husband a few months ago.  They were attending an event to celebrate a Michelin Star.  Their Michelin Star!! The road to this accomplishment was not an easy one as they took on two difficult tasks -- building a business and having a child.  As is often the case, there were many challenges on their journey, not the least of which was establishing an affordable living arrangement in an expensive real estate market.  When they returned from the awards dinner we sat down in the living room to talk about their evening and life, as one does when returning from such a dinner.  She recalled the year’s successes with the hospitality business she and her husband had established.  Importantly there were personal milestones of the success of their son and moving into their own home and personal space.  I watched her eyes close and her posture soften as she sat back in her chair reviewing these events, then she turned to me and spoke.  “As I think of my life I have come to understand that I have enough.”

This comment resonated with me then and now.  I have often thought about this statement and how meaningful it is.

Several years ago, I gave a commencement address at the University of California,  Santa Barbara.  I built the speech around a poem written by Robert Hastings – The Station.  The core of this poem is a reminder that the joy of life is the journey and not the destination.  Not having enough is related to this feeling that all will be better once……. I buy a fancy car --- a better house ---- an expensive suit ---- a wine collection ---- a better job --- a prettier or more handsome spouse and on and on ---- as we strive to accumulate more and better things in our lives.

While standing, the average person takes up approximately 2 square feet or .019 square meters of space.    When you think about that statistic you come to understand how little space we need to be comfortable.  One cannot or should not drink a bottle of wine every night. What was I going to do with a 10,000 - bottle wine collection or for that matter I would be lost in my 15,000 sq. foot home ?  

We live in a culture focused on the future or a world that is somehow better than the one we are currently occupying, always reaching out for something bigger, better or just more.  Many of us are in an unending race to accumulate things with which to surround ourselves.    

I live in a small home relative to homes of my past, yet it is a large home compared with a majority of people in this wealthy country.  I have kind and generous friends and a beautiful and loving family.  I have health and a generous personality.  I am learning to focus on and enjoy being in the present.  It has taken me awhile to come to that understanding.  It would be a good exercise for one to take stock of the benefits that life has afforded,  especially compared to others around the world that live beyond insufferable conditions.  It is as important as the exercise you do for your body to exercise an assessment of all that you have……

I have come to understand that I have enough….

Discipline

I appreciate the quiet moments, a melancholy song, and solace.  Bringing memories of my father and his disciplined life — of my mother and her quiet power — my sisters when we all lived together and their importance when we were all under the same roof — our lives splintered as we left the nest to forge the path we are still on.  Thoughts of the  women in my life,  often melancholy as those roads sadly fade away.

It is quiet outside, dark and windless. I rather enjoy this desk where I listen and write. 

I visited my eldest daughter and her family over the weekend.  On a gray morning over coffee, we were reminiscing about my father as Sunday was his birthday.  She and I have many fond memories of my dad.  On this occasion we were discussing his discipline.  Maybe it is because she has young children and discipline always seems to be a topic around young children. However, this was not a discussion of “how to discipline” or “we disciplined the children”. That is the negative side of discipline or at least the not enjoyable part. Our discussion was about the memory of my father as someone who was disciplined and reliable.  It was his disciplined nature that made him so consistent.  He was dependable to do things in a certain way which is, of course,  a form of discipline.  He was present and available when engaging in a project or more importantly, engaging with my daughter as a young girl.  My daughter remembers her grandfather as disciplined in the sense of focused solely on her when they talked.  He was not a man whose eyes looked elsewhere, they focused on the subject at hand and for my daughter that was her.  He had some endearing quirks as one remembers when you share love for each other. 

A good example was his evening ritual when we were staying at a guest ranch for many Thanksgivings.  Guests stayed in separate cabins and our large family occupied several of them.  Dad would prepare himself for the evening meal in the dining room.  Dressed in shirt, tie, slacks, and a sport coat all of which his wife, my mother, had picked out.  Then he would go on his evening patrol and visit the cabins occupied by his son and daughters and many grandchildren.  He was just taking a moment for himself to connect individually before the chaotic dinner around a large table in the dining room where focusing was a challenge.  He was disciplined about this ritual and it is a memory that my daughter and I shared with great love.

His life was characterized by discipline.  It was an orderliness laced with exacting detail that made him reliable, present, and available.  She and I remember the occasions as the years went by of seeking advice and council from him because he would listen.  Never distracted his response was thoughtful and precise.  He was reassuring no matter what might have been personally distracting. His focus always superseded what ever personal disruption occupied his brilliant mind.

In our days of instability and doubt it is comforting to have the opportunity to consult with someone who has discipline.  A person who is completely present for you, treats you with kindness and respect, a person who without judgment gives you his or her best consideration for those things which trouble you the most --- a disciplined person.

Happy Birthday, Dad

Love Your Son and Your Granddaughter

On the occasion of a breakfast on a gray day 18 August 2024.

Language

How did we miss its importance in our educational system?  Were we so arrogant to think the world would only communicate in English?

I had my Italian lesson today.  I have taken lessons off and on for???

I am not sure for how long.  If I say a few years you get to plug in a number and if you heard me speak you might think it is a smaller number, giving me the benefit of the doubt as to my abilities..  If I say 6 years you might think I was fluent because after all -- 6 years!!! We love attaching numbers to things and then form an opinion and a judgement.

My eldest son has a podcast called Mr. Language.  He speaks of his experience with language.  He also speaks to the ease in which his baby son is picking up languages.  On the other hand, I will struggle with it as I started learning Italian at, shall we say, an advanced age.  It is a very hard thing to do and since I live in an English-speaking country it will not get any easier.

But

As much as I like to be self-critical, learning a language has been and will be one of the more positive activities I have undertaken ---- ever!

It opened up worlds not available to people who insist on speaking only English and expecting all others to do the same.

When I was with an amazing Italian woman I always felt inferior because I could not express myself fluently.  However, I would not have had the opportunity had I not made the effort to learn.  Although limited, my ability added a dynamic that would otherwise not been possible.  As Sofia Vergara’s character, Gloria Delgado once said in a scene from Modern Family.  “I am really smart in Spanish.” I know exactly how she felt as I am constantly translating and trying to say the correct thing when I am speaking Italian but, “I am really smart in English”.

Although I am not fluent I can always get us dinner and a place to sleep.  More importantly I have enriched my life and those around me as I have brought a different culture, friends and language into our English-speaking family.   I am appreciative of all those who have shown me the value of language, especially someone else’s language.  Learning humbles you while at the same time giving you the confidence to expand your horizons and to reach out to others in a meaningful manner.  It is the best way to show that you are an empathetic human who cares for others,

Grazie mille Teresiana, Linda, Delia, Rachele, e Karine per avermi mostrato il valore della tua bellissima lingua e il bel paese.  Il tuo amore e la tua pazienza continuano a darmi la forza per continuare ed imparare

A presto

Discipline…

I am writing a book --- it is taking a long time ---- I am frustrated by my progress ---- and doubtful of the outcome.

I am disappointed at my lack of discipline to dedicate the time to finish what I believe is a worthwhile endeavor.

I have several friends who are building businesses on their own.  Importantly enough they are all women.  More importantly they all display the discipline necessary to complete the work and achieve success.

My point??…..

Building a business on your own is the most difficult task to achieve.

I worked for many years at an important Investment Bank.  I am often asked if the stress related to that business was overwhelming.  I never felt that the stress of that business was any greater than any other challenging goal worth the effort to accomplished. The stress related to this business was often stress from outside of the business.  Market fluctuations, global events, client decision that did not go your way – these were stresses that in many ways were out of one’s control.  What was not stressful was the pragmatics of coming to work.  I did not have to worry about health insurance, renting office space, paying for the phone, buying a printer or for that matter where I would have lunch, what to wear, when to go home and when to come to work.  All of this was taken care of under the broad umbrella of a large and complicated institution as an employee. Working for a big entity is easy compared to building your own business or working alone in any profession.  I did not have to think about my work space as I had an office with equipment, a mail room, a supple room, lights and a desk.  I had an unending supple of pencils, paper, printers, computers, phones etc.  All supplied by the company..  I knew what to wear every day.  My day and my job were well defined.  At the end of the day, I could go home and not have to worry that it would all be there waiting for me the next day.

Building your own business whether that be a product or a profession none of these factors is assured.  You have to worry about all aspects of your enterprise while you build your business, find clients, retain old clients and perform the job you have set out to do on your own.   There is no big organization flying air cover.

To begin and take my project to the finish line, I need the discipline to stay focused when all around me is a distraction. I am struggling with the discipline necessary to build a business or to write a book.  Therefore, I am having to re-train myself to have self-discipline.  I have to fight the urge to go downstairs to get something to eat, walk outside to water the plants, go for a walk or anyone of an innumerable things that I can do which have nothing to do with writing my book.  I must have the discipline to consistently work at my new job.  Discipline is my new job and I am still in the learning stages.  I am getting better but it has been a long road.  I am impressed with my friend’s businesses that they are building but I am more impressed with their discipline.

…..I think I’ll go to the kitchen and make a sandwich…..or maybe a walk or???

Don’t Stress

“Everything is temporary, don’t stress”

A dear friend sent this post.  It’s one of those clever quotes that populate IG and other media platforms, offering quick solutions to complicated emotional issues.  However, I was intrigued with this one.  On one hand it is correct as most seemingly challenging times do pass rather quickly.  A car breakdown, a glass of milk spilled, a flight cancelled and so forth.  Many of our difficulties that we stress about pass quickly, although in the moment they are dominant and literally take over our focus and emotional strength. 

The phrase does not address the intractable problems that appear to last forever.  Think of those that are living in war zones or countries that are struggling at every intersection of life. People living with difficult illnesses and are fighting for life.  Problems that are temporary but where temporary has a far different definition and time line than my cancelled flight.

What struck me about this phrase is that the good things in life are also temporary as in life itself.  I am far more stressed about the frailty of the wonderful things that life offers.  Perhaps that is because I have a lot of good things and who wants the good things to be temporary.  I stress about that because I am aware of my good fortune.  I am stressed about the fact that stress is taking away some of the joy of the positives that life offers.  The lack of permanence of those things is stressful and that stress cannot be as easily assuaged as the promise that this traffic jam is temporary and I will be on my way to a fun dinner with friends.

I think this phrase was intended to help people move through the challenging times.  Indeed, there is some comfort in knowing those issues and problems will be temporary.

However, the good things ----- love, friendship, happiness and the pure joy of being with friends and family --- the temporal nature of those things is far more stressful and unfortunately far more enduring. Remember to appreciate all that is good for as long as it is…..

Just a thought ??? ----- I might have too much time on my hands today!!!