Father’s Day

Father’s Day

My two sons are now Fathers.  My eldest son became a father two years ago and now my youngest son is celebrating his first Father’s Day.  It is a singular event in a man’s life when they have children.

I suppose it is the father that does the teaching; however, these two men have taught me a lot about being a parent. 

Why? You will just do it over…..

As a parent you want to balance the support and encouragement with the appropriate amount of discipline.  Sometimes we get in our own way by insisting on a level of excellence that we did not achieve.  But somehow think we did.  One afternoon I asked my eldest son to wash the car.  He was in high school at the time and he turned to me and said “why should I do that you are just going to do it over.”  It was a real wake up call for me as a father.  If you ask for a job to be done, you have to accept that the job will be done to the best of their ability.  Doing it over sends the message that you cannot be successful at “doing” in your own way and to your satisfaction.   He was right if I did not want to accept his way of doing things then I should have done it myself.

It’s never good enough.

Standing in the kitchen with my youngest son who was in high school at the time.  I was looking at his report card.  By anyone’s standards this was a solid report card especially as he had just transferred to a new school and was getting his footing.  I chose that moment to instruct him on the challenges of getting into college and how he would have to improve. “It’s just never good enough for you,” he yelled.  Shocked at the reaction I found patience and took the next few hours to reflect.  His success or failure is owned by him and him alone.  What he has accomplished then and now is definitely good enough because it is good enough for him. 

Both of these incidences, although years apart, were lessons learned for this father.  From that point on I have treated my sons differently.  We have learned to be respectful and to acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses.  My love for them is far stronger as I now acknowledge their strengths and turn to them for advice and counsel.   I miss my own father on this day and every day as his good counsel and willingness to learn is dearly missed.  

Being a good father is not about how much you know it is about how much you are open to learning.  My children have been the best teachers of all.  I have learned to respect their knowledge and their guidance.  As this is Father’s Day I am acknowledging my sons who have arrived at that most dear moment in their lives where they too can begin to enjoy the immensely challenging part of their lives and the most rewarding.  I have no doubt that they will prove to be loving fathers who will teach but will also be open to learning.  Their children will be as my children have been ---- great teachers.

Happy Father’s Day