Controlling Covid

The numbers are read with a distant voice —- the number of sick and dead as Covid’s claim on our lives continues into the third year. We have lost more than lives during this pandemic. We have lost a sense of direction, patience, relationships, and control of our truth.. We can’t blame all loss on Covid but it has affected us in more nuanced ways than one can fully understand or acknowledge. We have taken our eye off the ball, especially in dealing with those closest to us. It appeared they were always there but we became lazy and assumed it always would be. Looking back I became more self-centered than my usual modest ego would allow. Was I really the only one struggling to make this work —- I don’t think so. We all have struggled. That struggle has made it harder to be patient or to improve. Focusing on outcomes and solutions then falsely rewarding myself for my suffering while forgetting those that had made it all possible.

Instead of bitching about wearing masks, getting vaccinated, waiting for what ever product the supply chain had failed to deliver, it would have been more productive to focus on those around us. Relating and focusing on them before they walked out the door like Covid will eventually.

Trying desperately to keep control we became lost. Emulating the asshole that views all of life as a negotiation and control. You don’t have to be an asshole to be controlling. Controlling can be read while you are focused solely on your issues. One might think that those acts of generosity and kindness were enough to mask control, but the simple question, “what do you need?” would have assured those closest that you truly cared. Control can be invasive and chips away at intimacy and caring. Our minds are grasping for control and Covid made it all that more difficult to gain the validation and security we were actually wanting. The world was out of control and thus we grasped for anything we could control while missing the opportunity to validate and connect with those that are most willing to give.

Stay focused my friends on those that care.