Fredric Steck 6/11/24 Fredric Steck 6/11/24

Graduation and the Prom

It is early June and all parents are thinking two things. 1) I can hardly wait for this school year to end and 2) I am so proud of my daughter/son graduating from Middle School, High School, College. They will be moving on — ready to remake this fractured world through thoughtful ideas and innovation. it made me think of a marginally related subject – my High School Prom.

I smile thinking about that evening and wonder how curious are the things that trigger distant memories. I recount this eventful night so that it will make my grandchildren laugh. Closely linked to this story is the Ford Galaxie 500 with its 427 V8 engine. Ford and Chevrolet were in a battle to build the fastest “muscle” car fueled by cheap gas and lots of new freeways in Southern California.

My physical appearance could be described as the antithesis of the muscle car. As a high school senior, I was over six feet and barely weighed in at 160. I had some catching up to do in the body weight to muscle balance. To protect the innocent, my prom date will be called Nancy. Girls, dating, and growing up socially; was, along with my athletic pursuits, a failure. In today’s vernacular I was challenged. Having no steady girlfriend and a crush on the unattainable cheerleader; I, at the last minute, asked my friend Nancy to the prom. Shockingly, she said yes, as inexplicably she was not otherwise committed.

The prom was a formal affair to be held at the Santa Anita Race Track Turf Club. At that age you rented tuxedos. Having been scared by this experience, as soon as I could afford to, I always purchased tuxedoes like you would a blue suit. It just seemed like the right thing to have in your wardrobe. A rented tux consisted of pants, jacket, shoes, shirt and a cummerbund (a broad waistband usually worn in place of a vest). The cummerbund will play an important role later in the story.

I remember my parents had Buicks as family cars. However, the year of my graduation my father switched to Ford. He had purchased a Ford Galaxie 500 Fast Back with a 427 V8 engine. Despite the weight of this car, it was fast. It was a competitor to the Chevy 409 which the Beach Boys made famous in a song by the same name. I don’t know----perhaps it was because I was accepted to the University of California; or because I had a date, or because I had not locked the car keys in the trunk (that’s another story for another day) or maybe because he just loved his son; but, when I asked my father if I could use his brand new super-fast car to go to the prom, he said YES!!!! A truly remarkable turn of events. This may have been my father’s dream car but my mother determined its color. I would never have picked the color but, c’mon man, it was new and fast----Powder blue with white trim --- no judgement please.

Prom night

I was excited as I was leaving high school and heading to Santa Barbara in the fall. I showered, took care of the requisite pimple in the middle of my forehead, went down stairs to say good bye to my parents and patiently listened to the be-safe-no-drinking send off. I sat in this new car and contemplated the trust that my father had bestowed on me. I started the car and headed out the drive way. A block away from the house I hit the accelerator – wow this car was fast. For the next hour the world was perfect. Having picked up my date we headed to the Turf Club.

The Santa Anita race track was an important place in Arcadia as it had an enormous parking lot which on race day was full, but, if the track was closed, this was the perfect place to learn to drive and everyone learned to drive there. Entering this massive parking lot, I drove the car to where others had begun to park. I pulled into a space away from the others so as not to endanger my father’s car. Parked, put the brake on, and opened the door to an unknown pending disaster. ---- remember the cummerbund??) I walked around the car and opened Nancy’s door; stepped aside and closed the door. Excited we hurriedly strode out to the party, within a second I was lying face down in the gravel. I was so thin that the cummerbund, which was clinging to my nonexistent hips, had fallen straight down around my ankles, essentially tying them together; and now, my hands were bloody and painful. Nancy stared at me with a look of bemused misunderstanding in the same way a horse looks at you when you have fallen and are laying on the ground. The face said “what are you doing down there?” With my bruised hands and ego, I pulled myself together and we headed to the party. Things did not improve much…The dinner and dance were ok although I managed to spill on my white shirt, forced to dance and fought with the damn cummerbund.

As was customary, many of us had arranged to attend the late-night show at the Coconut Grove after the prom dinner/dance. Growing up in Los Angeles you have an odd relationship with distance and time. The Coconut Grove was not next to the Santa Anita race track. It was 30 miles and 45 minutes away but if you grew up in So Cal that was the equivalent of being next door. We left the prom and headed to the Grove. It could have been we were listening to music or talking or just not paying attention but an hour later I had not found the Coconut Grove. I was in Long Beach 40 miles from where I was supposed to be!!!

If you needed to go somewhere in Los Angeles, my mother knew how to get you there. I had already run out of embarrassment tickets so what did I do? – I called my mother. Turns out I missed the turn off and was 40 miles off target. Following my mother’s directions, we arrived at the Grove terribly late and sat behind a pillar for the show. The rest of the evening was uneventful. I was able to return my date to her home and I returned my father’s muscle car un- scared unlike my ego. Lesson learned? Well, there were many. Innovation has come to the rescue of future skinny, socially inept young boys who cannot find their way. The wonderful innovation of GPS software could have saved my ego and my embarrassment.

Born too soon for the prom, but innovation has come to the rescue…

Fredric Steck

Fredric Steck 6/4/24 Fredric Steck 6/4/24

Dishwasher

Dishwashing was a shared experience growing up. My sister’s and I did dishes on a rotating basis but nevertheless it was generally an argument as to who’s turn it was. Like many things we developed our own unique view of the process. Interestingly enough I believe my father actually enjoyed doing the dishes. He had a very particular method. However, I believe my parents, as much as they might have enjoyed the process, felt it important that my sisters and I would benefit from this life lesson.

We had a dishwasher but hand washing was my father’s specialty. I cannot remember the machine being used all that much. When necessary he would use the dishwasher. Like many things there was a correct way. In this case placement was the key component for correctness. The dishes had to be placed in a particular fashion. After all, those dividers and small compartments were not there for looks.

Some take dishwashing as an art form and no matter how much you would like to help; they would prefer to --- just do it themselves.

As they say, “the apple does not fall far…..” I rather like doing dishes. Most importantly I am particular about how the dishes are placed into the dishwasher. A developmental trait to be sure. This has caused some interesting discussions especially with persons I might be cohabiting. I can recall some spirited discussions dealing with the manner in which dishes are placed into the dishwasher and in what condition.

There is the random approach which basically means dishes are placed in the machine in a haphazard fashion, un-rinsed and pilled “akimbo” or in such away as if there is a little gnome inside the machine who would uncover those dishes to make sure they are cleaned.

Then there is my approach which is to rinse the dishes and place them in an orderly fashion so as to allow the wash action to actually reach the dishes. This would be the correct method.

Dishwashing could be a metaphor for the world we live in. There is the way we think things should be. In other words the correct way. Then there is the way others mistakenly believe things should be – definitely— the wrong way.

As much as I might instruct my girlfriend on the correct way to load the dishwasher it never seemed too resonant as we would have the same discussion whenever dishes were to be done.

If we cannot find compromise in this simple task, how do we expect to find resolution to things more complicated.? Hmmmmm

Economically we seem to be able to negotiate. At the core that is because someone believes they are getting the better deal and therefore willing to compromise. Economic incentive drives the spirit of compromise. Where there is none, we are most likely resolute in our belief and will continue to pile the dishes into the machine in whatever way we deem appropriate

Unfortunately, the frustrating part of the world we live in is…. there is no room for understanding that the dishwasher cannot get all the dishes cleaned unless we understand how best to load the machine. There is room for compromise on preparation but there will always be those dishes uncleaned if they are piled on top of each other without some understand of the proper order.

If we are to get anywhere in this highly complicated world, we are going to have to give up on all those entrenched beliefs. We are just going to have to accept the fact that the dishes will be clean enough no matter how they are placed into the machine.

Dishes? It is definitely not my turn - I washed them last night

Fredric Steck 5/28/24 Fredric Steck 5/28/24

Confidence

Lost along the way-----it should be our goal as adults to make sure they never lose it….

The doors to the elevator were set back from the hallway walls. They were framed with metal that was shining with a copper glow. The doors were mirrors reflecting this soft golden light.

He had stepped into this framed doorway studying himself in the reflection. If someone was exiting the elevator, he would be blocking their exit. He was fascinated with the reflection. The doors opened and he stepped into the elevator as did I. He was about 10 or 11 with a full set of braces which I suspect was the object of his observation.

Most boys this age finding themselves in a confined space with an older adult would stand there in silence hoping the experience would end as soon as possible. This was not to be the case as the potentially uncomfortable silence was broken with….“What are you doing today?” he asked with an assertiveness and confidence as if we had known each other for years or perhaps I was part of the family. Admittedly I was taken aback but rather than keeping my aloof adultness, his sincere interest in my future plans gave me permission to respond equally. I gave him the list of things I had planned for the day. “That sounds like a nice day” he assured me. “What are your plans?” I asked in response. “I am going to the football game!” he said with a confidence and excitement as if he had won the lottery and owned the team (Definition: ‘football” in this case is soccer as this elevator was in London.) At this point the elevator arrived and the doors opened which sadly ended our brief encounter. In his excitement the young man literally flew out of the elevator on his way to the football game and into a day which he will remember always.

Scene II

A sofa large enough to fit four or five adults – a coffee table – two arm chairs on either end. There were four occupants in this setting. The occupants were four adult men (including myself). These four men were a diverse cultural representation. Picture two men on one corner and two other men on the opposite corner with a wide-open space of brown leather sofa – empty. She looked like a blond Shirley Temple with a pretty white dress. The one she probably wore at Easter. She walked with authority and confidence. She walked around my chair and positioned herself in the middle of the empty space of the sofa and in one “Simone Biles” move bounced onto the sofa landing in a perfect “L” with her legs positions flat and extended straight.

She looked at me with a sweet smile as if to say “I guess you don’t know who I am----I belong here!” “You should all feel fortunate that I have joined you.”

I hope she never feels otherwise.

They were happy, self-assured, and overall confident that they were exactly where they were supposed to be and that those around them should feel fortunate to be in their company. They exuded confidence and self-assuredness. They were greeting the day as if it were the best day of their lives. We should not ever let them feel otherwise.

When did we start to judge our day before it even began? Why can’t we greet each day as if it will behold yet another exciting adventure? I dare say my young friend in the elevator greats his day with renewed enthusiasm every day. The little blond Shirley Temple only knows she can do anything she wants --- when she wants to. As adults we would do our children a great service if we allowed them to always believe that they can sit anywhere they like and converse with anyone they felt worthy of their interaction. Why do we insist on setting limits on our young children? We should endeavor to encourage them to approach each day as a limitless adventure for which they are fully capable. If we could maintain that sense of limitless accomplishment think how amazing our next generation of leaders could be.

Instead, we continue to create fear and doubt, intent on proving to our children that we have limits

Our children should approach life as limitless .Their ability to achieve equally resolute. Our gift of restraint is not a gift at all.

So, what are you doing today?

Fredric Steck 5/21/24 Fredric Steck 5/21/24

Italia

In advance of your summer vacation - I thought you might like this short read about the Bel Paese. No matter where you are headed this is a good place to start.

It is made up of 126 islands sitting in the shallow waters of the Venetian Lagoon, an enclosed bay between the mouths of the Po and Piave rivers. Most of the city is linked by 472 bridges.

Its founding was in the 10th century BC (I can’t even imagine), as a Republic it lasted from 810-1797. Its sovereignty ended at the hand of Napoleon in 1797. It became part of the Kingdom of Italy in 1866. Interestingly enough Goldman Sachs was established in New York three years later in 1869. The two occurrences are not linked in any way other than a humorous anecdote. The city was at its height of influence in the Middle Ages as the financial power broker between the East and the West.

It is the best way to enter The Bel Paese (Italia). Land at the Marco Polo International Airport – collect your bag and take a pleasant 15-minute walk to the boats. You used to walk outside but now it is an inside walk with the remodeled airport. You hire a taxi and you are on your way. This is not an ordinary taxi ---- this is a speed boat. The kind you want to drive. As you speed your way across open water, the captain dodges the other boats and takes the jarring out of the oncoming waves. Your boat slows as you this medieval city rises from the water and soon you are drifting through the canals of one of the most beautiful cities in the world and certainly the most unique

VENEZIA

The city is barely visible on the horizon as you look across the expanse of the lagoon. On a clear day you see the Alps rising to the north. You are not crammed into a taxi built for the height challenged. You climb down into the boat. There is a confident arrogance about the drivers as they are masters of their craft. The amazing maneuvers the pilots can do with these boats is nothing short of amazing.

After a long flight you are soothed by the experience of sitting at water level in your speed boat racing across the open water as the sun is setting. The colors of days end reflect in the sky and the water. You are heading to the most beautiful city in the world. Suddenly the speed of the boat is reduced to a slow glide as the captain turns into the first canal in this magical city. There is too much to look at. No skyscrapers but buildings preserved for years, struggling to adapt to the modern world. Everything is done by boat. No cars here. Think of all it takes to run a city --- delivery, movers, garbage, police, ambulances all of this is done by boat. The amazing pilots of these watercraft are able to weave in and out of each other and accomplish what we only thought could be accomplished with four wheels and pavement. Your taxi ride is the best tour. There is no dialogue just the sound of the boat as you glide along allowing your senses to tour the city. It is this amazing slow orchestration of daily activity against a backdrop of a city that has existed for centuries. You have arrived at the dock of your hotel. It feels as if you have already had the best experience but there is more….

Buon Viaggio….

Fredric Steck 5/13/24 Fredric Steck 5/13/24

Space (Copy)

I had the good fortune of spending the weekend in Vail Colorado. My daughter-in-law, son and I have made it a habit to come to this lovely part of the Colorado at unpopular times of the year. “Mud-Season” -- the end of ski season and before summer ---- others have declared --- not a good time in the Rockies. We have found it to be exactly the right time. However, it may not be the right time to go if you enjoy crowds. As the earth’s population grows exponentially, being in places devoid of people is getting to be more default.

I was in Roma recently. Roma is an amazing city with the remnants of an ancient past mixed with the conveniences of modern society. It is a walking city. You walk everywhere because driving is a challenge at best. Even if you could drive you cannot park.

I found walking in Roma to be a constant fight for space. When you became tired of fighting for your space on the sidewalk you start to stiffen up in order to protect your spot on the narrow pathways. Some of the beauty of this beautiful city is lost while experiencing this phenomenon.

Walking in Vail is a different experience. The wide level pathways were totally empty. It was a refreshing experience as the two dogs we were walking could go anywhere without having to deal with other dogs or people. It was a joy to be able to focus on the beautiful morning. Even that was unique as one morning was a blue bird day with a warm sunrise and the next was a reminder that winter was still in the wings as a light snow fall made the morning a brisk walk without the clatter of ski equipment or people.

These two experiences reminded me of what a big place the United States is. As an example, Italia is two thirds the size of California with 20 million more people. The average population density of Europe is 112 people per sq km compared to United States which has a population density of 36 people per sq km. It is an important consideration when understanding other people and cultures. Not everyone has the luxury of space.

Many countries have a long list of needs but many of those needs stem from the simple lack of space. People fill all space available. They are not only fighting for space on the sidewalk they are fighting for space just to live. If we were to bring spatial understanding into our decision making we might have a greater empathetic understanding of the issues of other countries. People’s lack space exacerbates all other challenges. Since we have so much space we do not focus on the benefits of space. A true understanding of space would help us to appreciate how other countries alter policy to deal with the reality of space. Japan has a population density of 338 persons per km or India with 434/km. Just two examples of the extremes of the need for space.

I doubt that airlines bring the quality of space into their decision making when it comes to the comfort of the people they haul around the world. Those discussions are about how many people they can fit into a small space to render the best economic outcome. They are always surprised when a fight breaks out on a plane because there is not enough space. It is unlikely they took into account the value of more space.

I saw a picture of people in the flooded region of Brazil. Now Brazil is a big country but at that moment there was not enough space for the people crammed into a small flooded part of the country. When the policy makers design a solution for future floods the subject of space will be again how many can we fit rather than what is the right amount of space.

Space is not just an economic question it is a human question. A question that needs empathy and a true appreciation that not everyone can walk in Vail alone. However, being able to walk alone should be the base case for how many people should walk not how many can walk.

Scusa – scusa……I need my space!!!

Technical Issues Last week - I apologize if this is a repeat for some….

Fredric Steck 5/9/24 Fredric Steck 5/9/24

Space

Scusa – scusa……I need my space!!!

Technical Issues Last week - I apologize if this is a repeat for some….

Fredric Steck 4/30/24 Fredric Steck 4/30/24

Snapshot

Occasionally, I find myself tumbling down the rabbit hole of Instagram. The other day a short arial video of San Francisco and the Golden Gate bridge came into my IG account. Clearly proving that I look at other things besides AI enhanced models. This video of San Francisco was stunning. I had just returned from an extended trip to another beautiful part of the world – Italia. In particular I was fortunate enough to spend a few days in Capri. My visit happened to correspond to the G7 meeting on this tiny Italian island. They were there not because of me, just coincidentally.

Sadly, what I hear most about these two lovely places is far more negative than the places in person. During my travels when I mention I am from San Francisco the response often was a question, asking if the situation is a bad as they have been told. The vision of a drug induced sprawl of humanity in homeless encampments. Given that vision you would think that San Francisco was a home buyer paradise with prices plummeting as people scrambled for the exits. Interestingly enough, the actual situation is a city where you cannot buy homes because of demand and people are actually returning to the city.

In a similar fashion I would hear how Italia and places like Capri are being overrun by unwanted immigrants and tourists. Certainly, immigrants are arriving and tourists are coming but the reality is a beautiful country, history on every corner, and welcoming people.

Somehow we need to figure out how to report news and descriptions in a manner that is not hyperbole or hysterical. Somehow a balance between the reality that every country and city have problems and issues to solve. However, underlying these places is a beauty that is beyond the hysterical nature of the reporting. I suppose you might not read the article if it painted a picture that was a landscape rather than a horrifying snap shot.

Sadly, there are homeless everywhere. I was on the plaza of the Duomo in Milano. The plaza had been blocked off from the usual throngs of people because of the G7 meetings. The emptiness of the plaza exposed the pure grandeur of this magnificent Gothic, Renaissance structure without the usual mass of humanity. Juxtaposed to this beautiful scene was a homeless man sleeping off to the side. Clearly these two snap shots revealed two entirely different stories.

In a similar fashion the video overlooking the beautiful San Francisco Bay and a picture of a homeless man on Market street would tell a counter intuitive story.

For me it underscores the importance of knowing the complete story rather than the snapshot. Secondly and perhaps more importantly ----

I will always remember to be thankful that I am allowed to exist in a scene that would be the envy of most no matter how big or small the lens is that they are judging their lives or the lives of others.

Make sure your camera is fitted with a wide-angle lens…..

Fredric Steck 4/23/24 Fredric Steck 4/23/24

Ristorante La Capannina

It’s the turn of the century – Nineteenth to Twentieth not Twenty to Twenty-one. A young woman living in Capri - a small island off the south west coast of Italia. A single block of limestone-3.9 miles long with a maximum width of 1.8 miles, rising 1,932 feet above the sea.

At the time, travelling to NYC was by steamship, which had replaced sailing vessels in the late 1800’s. The journey averaged 21 days. She arrived in NYC looking for work. What she found was her Italian husband. Missing their beautiful Italian island, they returned to Capri and opened a restaurant. They had a son, Antonio. Years later he travelled to NYC for work. Ironically, there, he meet his future wife. Like his parents they returned to the restaurant they had established on the lovely island—Capri.

During World War II, with the allies invading Italia, and the battle for Salerno negatively impacting Capri, they were forced to close the restaurant. They had family along the eastern coast on the Adriatic. They moved their small family to Abruzzo to escape the allied invasion of Italia in September, 1943. The allies choose to invade Italia from the south. After taking Sicilia both sides suffered great losses on the beaches of Salerno 38 nautical miles across a narrow channel from Capri. It took until June of 1944 to reach Roma. At the conclusion of World War II, the family returned to Capri to reopen their restaurant.

Capri is made up of two communities - Capri and Anacapri. An undersea aqueduct brings fresh water from the mainland as the island has a general lack of water. 2.3 million tourists come each year. Most come for the day, but those lucky few who stay in one of the lovely small hotels are treated to some of the best food in a country known for good food.

Ristorante La Capannina

Via Le Botteghe

Capri, Italia

This restaurant is tucked away along one of the tiny walking streets of this magical island. It is an amazing combination of sophistication and holiday atmosphere. In spite of the brutto few tourists, sadly mostly Americans, who show up in shorts and baseball caps, it is a restaurant that says, “please come properly dressed.” The small front door leaves you at an upper level, but the real restaurant is down the stairs. The dining room is fresh and inviting as the outdoors, green, white and pastel colors beautifully caressing the well-appointed tables.

The food is amazingly well prepared with a diverse menu of both recognizable favorites and choices unique to this restaurant.

The real elegance and ambience of this restaurant belongs to Antonio De Angelis, the son of the founder, and his son, Francesco. Antonio is the elegant 86-year-old owner. I mention his age only to underscore this gentlemen’s remarkable accomplishment and continued dedication. He patrols the dining room both at lunch and dinner seatings. His elegance and grace are as welcoming as they are charming. If you miss the chance to engage you are missing the opportunity to fully appreciate this beautiful restaurant. His son equally displays the art of the true restaurateur. They reward the guests with an experience that can only come from hospitality crafted for over 100 years. This restaurant, founded in the 1920’s, with a brief closing while the Allies figured out how to get rid of the Germans, has imbedded the DNA of hospitality and elegance into each generation of this family...

I so much wanted Antonio to join us for dinner so I could hear about his life and the history of this restaurant. It is a living organism, full of a history of serving meals to the famous and not so famous, as well as the brutally dressed t-shirt and shorts group

This restaurant and the 100-year family tradition that is their foundation is the best example of how restaurant hospitality touches the very core of relationship development and the sharing of true human connection.

Antonio and his wife live above the restaurant. After a morning coffee and walk with his wife, Antonio is at work creating, yet again, a memorable experience for all that are lucky enough to walk through his door. To arrive and be greeted by everyone ( i mean everyone)working there with sincere warmth and kindness is the epitome of hospitality and a true restaurant experience.

My experience with wonderful restaurant owners and their dedication to their craft is represented and encapsulated by this gentleman, his family and his restaurant.

Respect these establishments leave the shorts in the drawer --- dress up!!!!

Fredric Steck 4/16/24 Fredric Steck 4/16/24

Familiar vs. The Unknown

The Familiar vs. The Unknown

I was walking down an unknown street in an unfamiliar city and was thinking, as one does as the years move on at a seemingly faster pace. Thoughts of how one builds relationships and maintains them over time. Is it the familiarity of our surroundings that make those relationships easier? They were not always familiar as they were once new as we took the risk to change our surroundings --- to try something new. I am thinking it is the passage of time that softens the blow and mitigates the risk --- then it all seems familiar once again. Could it be that simple --- just the passage of time? I was thinking as one does walking an unfamiliar street…..

The Familiar

A place of comfort

Caring and consistent

Predictable welcoming easy warm

The road most travelled

Unguarded you feel protected

You do not allow vulnerability as you embrace familiarity

It is a place you can be exposed

Easy and effortless

You know the result

You are recognized by your accomplishments you are seen

You are loved and you allow yourself to love and be loved

Vs.

The Unknown

A place of mystery

Uncomfortable, unprotected, unsure

You build your walls, fear is your guide

A need to prove, to establish, guarded as you struggle

Not warm or caring but you are not allowing, lonely

Strength thru Vulnerability

A place of discovery to start again renewed

Excitement, risk taking, discovery

A new self, perhaps an old self

Lost without the familiar

A place of potential

Of love, success, comfort

A place that is now familiar

I was just thinking as one does……

Fredric Steck 4/9/24 Fredric Steck 4/9/24

Rule Followers

Lago di Garda

The largest lake in Italy—1100 feet deep and covers 142 square miles. Situated between Venezia and Milano. Towards the end of WWII Benito Mussolini and his family lived at the Grand Hotel Feltrinelli for 600 days in Gargano on the shores of Lago di Garda. He was not shot there, rather he was shot near Largo di Como and then hung in the streets of Milano. I was there under more pleasant circumstances…

As I sat in the sauna of the fabulous LeFay Spa above Lago di Garda, I was not thinking of Benito but how fortunate I was to be enjoying this beautiful part of the world…. until

There are many things I like about Italy, but what I especially like is their loose relationship with rules and regulations ---as my favorite pirate Barbossa said “The Code is more what you’d call “guidelines” than actual rules.” I like this attitude and have tried to emulate it where appropriate. My visit to the sauna, in my opinion, is just such a place for rules to take a back seat.

However, there are other people in the world who have a far stricter interpretation of rules. They not only believe in a stricter interpretation but believe that it is their job to make sure that others follow the rules! I don’t want to make this a cultural thing or goodness to be profiling… but I think people from the North of Europe are more prone to fit into this category of rule following. Regardless of culture, you have run into or witnessed those self-appointed rule police.

As I sat in solitude experiencing the intense heat of this spectacular sauna, lost in my thoughts of life and love, the door opened……two things exploded my solace

1. I believe there comes a time in a grown man’s life that no matter how well or poorly endowed you are, you should keep that exposed part under wraps, solely for the viewing pleasure for that person closest to you. The gentleman entering felt it important that all bystanders should be aware of his endowment or lack there of. At his age those days of unnecessary exposure are over and not improving. There is a reason sculptors use models in their 20’s not 70’s.

2. In his Saxon accent – “you are not supposed to wear swimming garments in the sauna, there is a sign right here” as he pointed to a sign filled with warnings about the heat.

I am a surfer from Southern California and I am convinced that board shorts are always appropriate. The Beach Boys didn’t write songs, loved the world over, about following rules, especially about what to wear or not wear in a sauna. But they did write about surfing attire.

I chose to ignore this unnecessary intrusion, although GFY did come to mind. Instead, I employed my favorite trick and pretended that my miracle ear was not functioning. I lasted another ten minutes in the heat and then exited without exposing my quite frankly better-looking body parts under wraps.

The Pirate Barbossa and the Italians believe rules are more like guidelines….

Fredric Steck 4/2/24 Fredric Steck 4/2/24

Vulnerable

I had a brief hick-up with the platform that supports this blog. The blog did not reach my readers at the usual time. I wrote last week about an absurd reality ---- it now costs money to talk to a real person. Such a treasured experience now has a price, but talking to a robot or AI is free--- or is it.

Alas, another costly tool that separates us. I started to think about the fragility of friendships. I know when I was going to school, I was sure that my friends would be my friends forever. Those friendships dwindled to a precious few and then they disappeared altogether. However, I knew the friends I saw every day at work would now be my friends forever. As the years flew by and working in an office became more challenging or nonexistent those friendship dwindled. I suppose that given time they will go the way of my school friends -- drifting into the sunset of in-person office work.

My daughter was born three houses from her best friend. And, Surprise, they are still best friends. How is it that some friendships stand the test of time and others fade with its passage?

Some run into the headwinds of competition, others flirt with convenience, some are cleverly strategic and some coincidentally are born of proximity.

Friendships can be illusory, but, just as in any other relationship, they take a lot of consistent work. However, a key component often overlooked is one’s willingness to be vulnerable. Rather than building a relationship with the guard rails of strategy, jealousy or manipulation, one might allow themselves to be vulnerable. It is vulnerability that allows us to be open to mistakes and the strength building of forgiveness. Best not to be too strategic in building a friendship or a relationship but to be present, available and vulnerable.

This “work in progress model” is all the more difficult when we are separated by machine distance. Building relationships in this way is the best argument for in-office work. The ability to forgive and rebuild is easier in person. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable opens the door to those around us to see that our fallibility is only a demonstration of our humanity which in turn is warm and welcoming, not cold and calculating.

-----Just musing about the treasure that people hold when they have someone who is “my best friend….”

Fredric Steck 3/26/24 Fredric Steck 3/26/24

Thoughts….

Thought:

It was not my fault---Last week’s blog did not reach many readers as the platform it is delivered on failed to perform. Solution? Call someone younger than me. I enlisted the help of my daughter – not a PA but an otherwise all-around brilliant solver of most problems – both technical and emotional. She called Mailchimp (The Platform) and began a “virtual” discussion to try to resolve the issue. Spoiler alert: like most things technical and virtual the discussion took way too long (3 hours) thus another data point of how technology has NOT made us more efficient but provided a different manner with which we waste time and productivity. Further spoiler alert: there was never any real solution as “they” claimed it was:

1) the time change

2) I published it too late

Therefore proving that even virtual people point fingers at someone/something else.

In an astonishing display of how technology has distanced us from each other or human interaction --- the platform offered a “live” conversation with a “human” BUT you had to pay for the opportunity!!!What!!!!! yes, it is true --- real human interaction now cost money. I suppose a more positive way to look at this amazing occurrence is to embrace the importance of real human interaction. Mailchimp is actually quantifying how important talking to each other is in real time and in real space...

Lesson:

While you still have the chance reach out to another human and talk to them in real time ------ while it is still free

Another thought.

I use my wallet every day. There is truly not a day goes by that I do not touch my wallet. I also touch and use my cell phone everyday ----Most days, when I am in the US, I also touch my car keys and house key…...Additionally but not every day I use my sunglasses.

Question?

Why is it that I put these things in a different place most days? Why would I create yet another reason to evoke stress on my mental well-being wondering around the house looking for these seemingly essential items?

I never (well almost never) misplace my underwear….

Buongiorno and Thanks for reading….

Fredric Steck 3/21/24 Fredric Steck 3/21/24

You Just Never Know… (Copy)

…unless you take the risk ---- even for just a little bit.

I took myself to lunch at a small French café in Mill Valley. I know the two women who run the place. Having not been there for a while I was greeted with hugs and “where have you been?” I placed my order and sat down at a small table in the back of the café. I immediately plunged into solitary mode as I look at nonsense on my phone. In a minute or two I was aware that an elderly man had taken up residence at the table next to me. Walking with a cane he slowly settles his somewhat delicate frame onto the bench next to me.

Decision time:

I had the choice of continuing my solitary nonsense scrolling or engage. Admittedly I withdrew from engagement and kept scrolling but….

“Do you live here?” My seat mate did not shrink from engagement. As a matter of fact, he plunged right in. He is a Scottish gentleman. His name is Callum. He taught Asian comparative literature for years at Cornel University. He was curious not only about where I lived but my ancestral heritage as well. I wished my sister had been there because she knows Scotland well. I was struggling to get beyond Edinburgh. His wife, Debbie, arrived. She was German and had taught at the private school my three oldest children had attended. We spent the next minutes tracing our lineage and within the blink of time we had a pretty good sense of our lives and our very distant past. We left a lot of discovery in-between if we had chosen to continue

I have thought about this encounter over the last several days and why it meant something to me. The obvious is the importance of taking personal risk by exposing a little of yourself to another human who you have no context. After only a few sentences it turns out that we did have context and what made the conversation interesting was that moment of discovery.

The other obvious point is the more we bury ourselves in the isolation of scrolling the more we distance ourselves from the very thing that makes life interesting. The warmth of discovery of another person.

I give my unknown seat mate a lot of credit for engaging with me. He engaged in a way that made his questions authentic. Another person might have found it intrusive, but his inquiry and his gentle manner only made me more interested and less guarded about my answers.

I am sure he was an amazing professor even though his topic seems a bit far afield. His natural curiosity only made me want to discover more about this charming couple.

My regret is that I did not stay longer as I am sure the conversation would have become far more detailed and interesting. My gratitude is for Prof. Callum who, once again, demonstrated that technology is amazing and valuable, but it is limiting. It is limiting the world from experiencing the true delight in engaging with another human. It allows us to play it safe, stay scrolling, as we hide inside our blank screen stare. There we are, risk free, looking at our phones.

Take some risk ---- “Hello, do you live here?”

I celebrate myself

And what I assume you shall assume,

For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

“Leaves of Grass” ---- Walt Whitman (1855)

Fredric Steck 3/20/24 Fredric Steck 3/20/24

You Just Never Know…

…unless you take the risk ---- even for just a little bit.

Decision time:

I had the choice of continuing my solitary nonsense scrolling or engage. Admittedly I withdrew from engagement and kept scrolling but….

I am sure he was an amazing professor even though his topic seems a bit far afield. His natural curiosity only made me want to discover more about this charming couple.

Take some risk ---- “Hello, do you live here?”

I celebrate myself

And what I assume you shall assume,

For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

“Leaves of Grass” ---- Walt Whitman (1855)

Fredric Steck 3/12/24 Fredric Steck 3/12/24

Friends

Let me stipulate that family is an amazing unit and the love of family is uniquely human and wonderful. This week I am writing a short note in recognition of Friends. Especially real friendships. I don’t me the “let’s do lunch” friends, I mean the friends that actually “do lunch” metaphorically speaking.

I had many experiences this week which underscored how important friendships are in one’s life. This group of friendship experiences ran the gamut of the contributions real friendships bring to one’s life. A friend……

Introduced me to an organization that could advance my speaking engagements
Roasted and made a special blend of coffee just so I could try it.
Had dinner with me and my sons to talk about life and plans
Took over for another friend in an expensive obligation
Bought coffee
Sent me unique ingredients for my smoothie to help my hair grow.
Called to see how I was doing
Told me I sounded truly happy, which I am - nice someone else noticed.
Went for a walk with me
A friend called because I was the friend of the week. He was determined to reach out once a week to a friend he had not seen

The list goes on and it was only this week. We all have a lot to do, but we also have friends. It is hard to fit it all in, but fit it in we must. Without friends we lose support, assurance, affirmation and a unique form of love that reassures us that we belong and are not alone….

A Time to Talk

When a friend calls to me from the road
And slows his horse to a meaning walk,
I don’t stand still and look around
On all the hills I haven’t hoed,
And shout from where I am, What is it?
No, not as there is a time to talk.
I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,
Blade-end up and five feet tall,
And plod: I go up to the stone wall
For a friendly visit. Robert Frost 1874-1963

The Pleasures of Friendships

The pleasures of friendship are exquisite,
How pleasant to go to a friend on a visit!
I go to my friend, we walk on the grass,
And the hours and moments like minutes pass. Stevie Smith 1902-1971

Fredric Steck 3/4/24 Fredric Steck 3/4/24

It’s the Little Things…

The Little Things Matter

Saturday morning —- I am up early --- made my bed --- reference:

Admiral William H. McRaven University of Texas Commencement Speech 2014

The little things matter

It is rainy blustery day - took a shower -- visited my coffee spot – Poggio – talked to my pals: Diego, Freddy, Vivi, Jorge -- filled the tank --- gluten-free bakery --- talk to my daughter --- talk to my daughter-in-law --- pedicure --- went to San Anselmo. There's a coffee shop there, four talented musicians are there on Saturday morning, jamming. The place is crowded * A couple had an extra chair at their table * They offered the it to me * I didn't know them but we chatted like old friends * I was wearing a jacket that I had won at a horse show * Turns out they were into horses too * thanked them for the chair * wished them a great day * left some money for the band * went to the next little town * walked around Phoenix Lake.

It had just rained and the lake and the creeks were full of water. All was green, fresh and peaceful. A true oasis from an otherwise chaotic and sad world. The air was fresh and pure.

When I returned to my car I took a deep breath and thought to myself --- this has been a wonderful morning.

I just don't think we pay enough attention to the little things. I felt good about this day. It's not that I accomplished anything big. Didn't complete a transaction, didn't make any money or solve any fundamental problems. I just did little things but all the little things were really quite pleasant. My reward was a feeling of joy and calm.

There is so much in the world that is big. Everything is outsized – Ukraine – Russia – Gaza - that guy that lies all the time (just can't figure out why we allow him to dominate the narrative when none of it is true.) Contrary to the dominance of the world, this morning, my day, was full of little things. A day filled with the miniature and people that I love. I felt good about acknowledging them instead of focusing on the big things. Little things deserve attention.

I was concerned about what I might write this week. As I sat in the car with the rain coming down, my car filled with that soothing sound, I thought about the little things. Those were the things that warmed me on this chilly day. It’s 10:00am and I have the whole day ahead of me to accomplish big things. Or maybe I will just focus on the little things and let the big things take care of themselves.

When we have accomplished little things, stayed in touch with those we love, done some personal care things our day is already an accomplishment. Emboldened by the understanding that completion is already a part of my day. Perhaps not in a global context, but in the context of my life, I feel replenished and complete.

It's the little things

Fredric Steck 2/27/24 Fredric Steck 2/27/24

Indifference

The open market euro-dollar exchange rate makes everything euro roughly 10% more. By the time you pay fees on exchange transactions, that premium is around 15%. For Americans traveling in the EU a benefit comes in the form of the refund one receives when paying the VAT or value added tax when buying consumer goods – clothes, jewelry and that, can’t live without, object d’art. The trick is you have to assemble an inconvenient amount of paper work. On your way out of the country, you have to remember to get all of this paperwork stamped by a custom agent. Officially you have to present all of these items to the customs agent. However, many of these agents will accept the fact that you packed them in your checked luggage before you sought to get the customs stamp on all that paper work.

I travel to Italy often, however; I tend not to buy much and thus, do not go through this process.

This trip, however, I did have an item which I wanted to declare and receive a refund. I assembled the aforementioned paperwork and presented it to the agent after packing it, of course, in my checked luggage. This agent refused to stamp my paper work without visually inspecting my purchase. I explained to him that I had deposited many dollars exchanged into euros into his country and that the government he represented had benefited greatly from my visitations to hotels, bars, restaurants etc. etc. He displayed a level of indifference that sadly is a common occurrence. I cannot say this level of indifference is the sole province of people in uniform, but it is a common occurrence. People in positions of temporary power often take advantage of their ephemeral ownership of power to make things challenging for those of us who do not have that momentary authority. Needless to say, this negative experience created a somewhat sour note to an otherwise lovely journey.

I have thought about this over the last few days and reflected on how indifference effects the process of building relationships. Relationship building is a methodology of incorporating big successes with the incremental glue of our humanity. Solid relationships are built progressively. We all have the opportunity of improving the interchange between people in the way we handle our phased building efforts.

Think of the interactions with government and those empowered to help or prevent us from obtaining the necessary documents or permission needed to conduct our lives in a world filled with bureaucratic requirements. Think about the time you exchanged an item that did not work or you just did not like – think about your interactions with all sorts of people in uniform. Those that allowed you to abide by the rules as if they were suggestions rather than requirements. My customs agent forgot that at that moment he and he alone represented his country and how it wanted to be presented to the world.

Building relationships is an iterative process. One can focus on the bigger issues in that process, but like many things it is the smaller issues that can slow that process down when not done properly. Like the customs agent, he may not think of me as important nor his actions critical, but in that moment he represented his country and his indifference was a bad representation. Likewise, one’s indifference to the unimportant part of a relationship is the issue that will be remembered.

Maybe he had a bad morning or received bad news but from my perspective this customs agent rather than strict adherence to code should have paid attention to the….

Pirate Hector Barbossa in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl: When referring to the Pirate’s Code:

“The code is more what you’d call “guidelines” than actual rules.”

Fredric Steck 2/21/24 Fredric Steck 2/21/24

More Than Hallmark

Hallmark Holiday??

I know you were expecting a sweet Valentine’s message last week but I was distracted……

Valentines by the numbers:

Consumer spending: 25.8 Bn USD

Clothing: 3 Bn USD (lots of sexy outfits) Jewelry: 6.4 Bn USD (BLING)

Evening out: (no wonder restaurants LOVE this day) 4.9 Bn

How the rest was spent:

40% on Cards – 37% on Flowers (250 million stems of flowers globally—1/3 roses 1/3 tulips 1/3 the rest. Most come from Kenya, Columbia and the Netherlands

Who is the recipient:

US consumers expecting a gift—- 52% That percentage could easily win a Presidential election ---

57% of all consumers buy, give, and receive candy

190 million cards and that doesn’t count the hundreds of millions of cards school children exchange

A little history

It is truly global with most countries having some type of event to celebrate – LOVE.

First Valentine’s was sent in the 15th century

Like many holidays it has its roots in an ancient Pagan festival. This was a fertility festival----You probably figured that out yourself. ---- Love a fertility event

You get the idea —-we spend a lot on Valentine’s Day.

I follow baseball but not as closely as I once did. However, I am always struck with this feeling —— when a team wins a game by many runs — a score of 15-2 as an example and then loses the next day 1-0 —- I think, why could they not spread those runs out in a more economical fashion so to help win the close games instead of squandering all those unneeded runs??...

I get the same feeling when I consider all of these Valentine’s Day numbers. With this intense interest in love on San Valentino - why can’t we spread all that extra love out over the rest of the year?

Don’t get me wrong I am enough of a romantic to believe that making the effort to show someone how much you love them is a good idea. I just believe we are squandering a lot of this effort for only one day. You don’t have to spend millions to show love. You can just say it. Showering the one you love with gifts on one day does not give you a pass for all the others. Can’t we spread all of that money and effort over a longer period and to a broader group. Everyone could use a little love (well maybe not Putin)

The sad news is that it takes a massive marketing effort to get us to recognize the importance of love when it would be better to practice it every day. We cannot use the ONE to assuage our gilt for being such jerks the rest of the year.

There are so many ways that we could demonstrate love on other days. It would be amazing if we could remember to give just a little of this effort to those that need love but are not known to us.

The world is replete in crisis, wars and other amazingly horrible human produced challenges. Yet we are able to muster enough desire to look away from ourselves only on one day??. Spending the equivalent of the GDP of Jamaica (or you pick any other small country) on gifts and flowers, but cannot seem to translate that desire to show love in a broader and more consistent fashion.

I am not trying to throw cold water on Valentine’s Day. To the contrary I would like to see us support a Valentine’s Day every day in the form of giving to others. The world is a dangerous place but not without solutions. If we could spend more on love and less on wealth and power this might be a far more loving planet.

Valentine’s day, rather than a Hallmark holiday, could be a demonstration of what solutions are possible with cooperation, compromise and yes – love. Can we focus on spreading “the runs we scored” on Valentin’s Day over more days? Helping to promote the probable, the possible, the potential and the lovely.

Maybe we will receive an extra kiss on the cheek or if lucky – much more.

Fredric Steck 2/13/24 Fredric Steck 2/13/24

Rituals

Ritual -- (an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set or precise manner) can foster stability and dependability. Ritual can give comfort, security and familiarity. We most often associate ritual with religious rites and ceremonies. It would be a mistake to equate rituals with compulsive behavior or other such negative characteristics. Rather think of ritual as a positive tool builder. The idea of ritual can be helpful in relationship building.

This is especially true with the discipline necessary for effective and consistent follow-up. The frequency of the lack of follow up in our lives is testament to the lack of consistent or ritualistic behavior. One wants to demonstrate the ability to be reliable and consistent when building the trust required to form a long lasting and successful relationship. Think of it in terms that ritual can make that learned behavior more familiar.

Organized religion relies on the consistency of ritual. Growing up my family attended church services on Sunday with regularity. We were consistent. I am sure I did not know the meaning of what was being said but I understood the timing of the various songs and phrases and when they appeared in the program. As I grew up this process became engrained—a ritual. Consistent repetition was the key to my belief that these rituals had value. I am not suggesting that religion is the way to learn follow up, I am just taking a page out of their business model.

Why follow up is so challenging for people might be a combination of things. Lack of passion for the avocation you have selected, or perhaps knowledge insecurity---however what is clear is the immense value of following up in your personal or business pursuits. Follow up demonstrates you are disciplined in your approach and are solution driven for your clients. People appreciate the effort and the value you bring when you are disciplined to follow up. Returning calls promptly, answering questions, developing research and solutions to problems discussed. These are all potential requests that require follow-up.

The question is why we procrastinate in doing any of these things promptly. There are distractions everywhere and alternatives that divert our focus. The success of someone with consistent follow up skills is evidence enough to focus on developing your rituals to help make follow-up part of your business ritual.

Taking notes, ticklers on your computer or the use of the computer driven applications that can help you keep track of the promises you make. Whatever are the appropriate rituals for you are the things to focus on and embrace so that they can help you be a consistent messenger of the things you promised to follow up on.

Fredric Steck 2/7/24 Fredric Steck 2/7/24

Sultans of the Net

I was listening to an NPR report covering the “Sultans of the Net”. This is the nickname for the Turkish women’s national volleyball team. They recently won the European championship and are ranked as the second-best team in the world. The US women are the number one ranked team. They are both headed to Paris and the summer Olympics. It will be a difficult ticket as women’s volleyball is growing in popularity.

I was watching my eleven-year-old granddaughter play volleyball with her teammates. The demand to be on these teams, like those in Turkey, is growing. She is a member of a group of uniquely gifted young women playing the sport. Aside from winning what I noticed was the unique comradery of the team. After every point they met in the middle of the court to touch hands and prepare for the next point. It was an act of affirmation. Affirming their support for each other, their ability and their friendship. With this renewed strength they were prepared for the next point. They performed this affirmation after every point.

I had lunch the other day with my dear friend and real estate agent. There were two tables in the restaurant that caught my attention. These two groups of women were celebrating the birthday of one of their friends. I find that women are especially good at celebrating important events with their friends. Giving support through crisis and celebratory events is a common female activity. I witnessed the generosity of these two groups as they stopped to celebrate a friend and reaffirm their friendship and support. A simple yet powerful act. As demonstrated in the physical presents of the coming together of the young women on the volleyball court, generosity comes in various forms.

The common theme is the constant affirmation of friendship that is being expressed. Volleyball seems to me to be uniquely suited to the female mind set of reaffirming friendship and support. It is taught and mirrored at a very early age. My granddaughter is being taught at every point in her game that she is part of a whole. She is not the star yet she is the star as are all of her teammates. At every point in the game the model of “I am part of a whole and that whole is the team” is being replayed as her colleagues meet in the center of the court and reaffirm their support for each other.

Affirmation is another way in which we can generously extend and give of ourselves. Generosity of spirit is more effective than the generosity of the checkbook. As we build relationships with our business colleagues, our clients and our friends, it is important to remind ourselves to think about the ways in which we can show generosity. It does not have to have a numerical value as the richness of one’s presence is powerful and long lasting. When building a relationship your generosity is a clear signal that you are sincere in your efforts and are bringing your present self to that effort. Find a way to come to the center of the court to indicate that you are part of the whole and that the whole is better with your generosity