It’s the Little Things…
The Little Things Matter
Saturday morning —- I am up early --- made my bed --- reference:
Admiral William H. McRaven University of Texas Commencement Speech 2014
The little things matter
It is rainy blustery day - took a shower -- visited my coffee spot – Poggio – talked to my pals: Diego, Freddy, Vivi, Jorge -- filled the tank --- gluten-free bakery --- talk to my daughter --- talk to my daughter-in-law --- pedicure --- went to San Anselmo. There's a coffee shop there, four talented musicians are there on Saturday morning, jamming. The place is crowded * A couple had an extra chair at their table * They offered the it to me * I didn't know them but we chatted like old friends * I was wearing a jacket that I had won at a horse show * Turns out they were into horses too * thanked them for the chair * wished them a great day * left some money for the band * went to the next little town * walked around Phoenix Lake.
It had just rained and the lake and the creeks were full of water. All was green, fresh and peaceful. A true oasis from an otherwise chaotic and sad world. The air was fresh and pure.
When I returned to my car I took a deep breath and thought to myself --- this has been a wonderful morning.
I just don't think we pay enough attention to the little things. I felt good about this day. It's not that I accomplished anything big. Didn't complete a transaction, didn't make any money or solve any fundamental problems. I just did little things but all the little things were really quite pleasant. My reward was a feeling of joy and calm.
There is so much in the world that is big. Everything is outsized – Ukraine – Russia – Gaza - that guy that lies all the time (just can't figure out why we allow him to dominate the narrative when none of it is true.) Contrary to the dominance of the world, this morning, my day, was full of little things. A day filled with the miniature and people that I love. I felt good about acknowledging them instead of focusing on the big things. Little things deserve attention.
I was concerned about what I might write this week. As I sat in the car with the rain coming down, my car filled with that soothing sound, I thought about the little things. Those were the things that warmed me on this chilly day. It’s 10:00am and I have the whole day ahead of me to accomplish big things. Or maybe I will just focus on the little things and let the big things take care of themselves.
When we have accomplished little things, stayed in touch with those we love, done some personal care things our day is already an accomplishment. Emboldened by the understanding that completion is already a part of my day. Perhaps not in a global context, but in the context of my life, I feel replenished and complete.
It's the little things
Indifference
The open market euro-dollar exchange rate makes everything euro roughly 10% more. By the time you pay fees on exchange transactions, that premium is around 15%. For Americans traveling in the EU a benefit comes in the form of the refund one receives when paying the VAT or value added tax when buying consumer goods – clothes, jewelry and that, can’t live without, object d’art. The trick is you have to assemble an inconvenient amount of paper work. On your way out of the country, you have to remember to get all of this paperwork stamped by a custom agent. Officially you have to present all of these items to the customs agent. However, many of these agents will accept the fact that you packed them in your checked luggage before you sought to get the customs stamp on all that paper work.
I travel to Italy often, however; I tend not to buy much and thus, do not go through this process.
This trip, however, I did have an item which I wanted to declare and receive a refund. I assembled the aforementioned paperwork and presented it to the agent after packing it, of course, in my checked luggage. This agent refused to stamp my paper work without visually inspecting my purchase. I explained to him that I had deposited many dollars exchanged into euros into his country and that the government he represented had benefited greatly from my visitations to hotels, bars, restaurants etc. etc. He displayed a level of indifference that sadly is a common occurrence. I cannot say this level of indifference is the sole province of people in uniform, but it is a common occurrence. People in positions of temporary power often take advantage of their ephemeral ownership of power to make things challenging for those of us who do not have that momentary authority. Needless to say, this negative experience created a somewhat sour note to an otherwise lovely journey.
I have thought about this over the last few days and reflected on how indifference effects the process of building relationships. Relationship building is a methodology of incorporating big successes with the incremental glue of our humanity. Solid relationships are built progressively. We all have the opportunity of improving the interchange between people in the way we handle our phased building efforts.
Think of the interactions with government and those empowered to help or prevent us from obtaining the necessary documents or permission needed to conduct our lives in a world filled with bureaucratic requirements. Think about the time you exchanged an item that did not work or you just did not like – think about your interactions with all sorts of people in uniform. Those that allowed you to abide by the rules as if they were suggestions rather than requirements. My customs agent forgot that at that moment he and he alone represented his country and how it wanted to be presented to the world.
Building relationships is an iterative process. One can focus on the bigger issues in that process, but like many things it is the smaller issues that can slow that process down when not done properly. Like the customs agent, he may not think of me as important nor his actions critical, but in that moment he represented his country and his indifference was a bad representation. Likewise, one’s indifference to the unimportant part of a relationship is the issue that will be remembered.
Maybe he had a bad morning or received bad news but from my perspective this customs agent rather than strict adherence to code should have paid attention to the….
Pirate Hector Barbossa in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl: When referring to the Pirate’s Code:
“The code is more what you’d call “guidelines” than actual rules.”
More Than Hallmark
Hallmark Holiday??
I know you were expecting a sweet Valentine’s message last week but I was distracted……
Valentines by the numbers:
Consumer spending: 25.8 Bn USD
Clothing: 3 Bn USD (lots of sexy outfits) Jewelry: 6.4 Bn USD (BLING)
Evening out: (no wonder restaurants LOVE this day) 4.9 Bn
How the rest was spent:
40% on Cards – 37% on Flowers (250 million stems of flowers globally—1/3 roses 1/3 tulips 1/3 the rest. Most come from Kenya, Columbia and the Netherlands
Who is the recipient:
US consumers expecting a gift—- 52% That percentage could easily win a Presidential election ---
57% of all consumers buy, give, and receive candy
190 million cards and that doesn’t count the hundreds of millions of cards school children exchange
A little history
It is truly global with most countries having some type of event to celebrate – LOVE.
First Valentine’s was sent in the 15th century
Like many holidays it has its roots in an ancient Pagan festival. This was a fertility festival----You probably figured that out yourself. ---- Love a fertility event
You get the idea —-we spend a lot on Valentine’s Day.
I follow baseball but not as closely as I once did. However, I am always struck with this feeling —— when a team wins a game by many runs — a score of 15-2 as an example and then loses the next day 1-0 —- I think, why could they not spread those runs out in a more economical fashion so to help win the close games instead of squandering all those unneeded runs??...
I get the same feeling when I consider all of these Valentine’s Day numbers. With this intense interest in love on San Valentino - why can’t we spread all that extra love out over the rest of the year?
Don’t get me wrong I am enough of a romantic to believe that making the effort to show someone how much you love them is a good idea. I just believe we are squandering a lot of this effort for only one day. You don’t have to spend millions to show love. You can just say it. Showering the one you love with gifts on one day does not give you a pass for all the others. Can’t we spread all of that money and effort over a longer period and to a broader group. Everyone could use a little love (well maybe not Putin)
The sad news is that it takes a massive marketing effort to get us to recognize the importance of love when it would be better to practice it every day. We cannot use the ONE to assuage our gilt for being such jerks the rest of the year.
There are so many ways that we could demonstrate love on other days. It would be amazing if we could remember to give just a little of this effort to those that need love but are not known to us.
The world is replete in crisis, wars and other amazingly horrible human produced challenges. Yet we are able to muster enough desire to look away from ourselves only on one day??. Spending the equivalent of the GDP of Jamaica (or you pick any other small country) on gifts and flowers, but cannot seem to translate that desire to show love in a broader and more consistent fashion.
I am not trying to throw cold water on Valentine’s Day. To the contrary I would like to see us support a Valentine’s Day every day in the form of giving to others. The world is a dangerous place but not without solutions. If we could spend more on love and less on wealth and power this might be a far more loving planet.
Valentine’s day, rather than a Hallmark holiday, could be a demonstration of what solutions are possible with cooperation, compromise and yes – love. Can we focus on spreading “the runs we scored” on Valentin’s Day over more days? Helping to promote the probable, the possible, the potential and the lovely.
Maybe we will receive an extra kiss on the cheek or if lucky – much more.
Rituals
Ritual -- (an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set or precise manner) can foster stability and dependability. Ritual can give comfort, security and familiarity. We most often associate ritual with religious rites and ceremonies. It would be a mistake to equate rituals with compulsive behavior or other such negative characteristics. Rather think of ritual as a positive tool builder. The idea of ritual can be helpful in relationship building.
This is especially true with the discipline necessary for effective and consistent follow-up. The frequency of the lack of follow up in our lives is testament to the lack of consistent or ritualistic behavior. One wants to demonstrate the ability to be reliable and consistent when building the trust required to form a long lasting and successful relationship. Think of it in terms that ritual can make that learned behavior more familiar.
Organized religion relies on the consistency of ritual. Growing up my family attended church services on Sunday with regularity. We were consistent. I am sure I did not know the meaning of what was being said but I understood the timing of the various songs and phrases and when they appeared in the program. As I grew up this process became engrained—a ritual. Consistent repetition was the key to my belief that these rituals had value. I am not suggesting that religion is the way to learn follow up, I am just taking a page out of their business model.
Why follow up is so challenging for people might be a combination of things. Lack of passion for the avocation you have selected, or perhaps knowledge insecurity---however what is clear is the immense value of following up in your personal or business pursuits. Follow up demonstrates you are disciplined in your approach and are solution driven for your clients. People appreciate the effort and the value you bring when you are disciplined to follow up. Returning calls promptly, answering questions, developing research and solutions to problems discussed. These are all potential requests that require follow-up.
The question is why we procrastinate in doing any of these things promptly. There are distractions everywhere and alternatives that divert our focus. The success of someone with consistent follow up skills is evidence enough to focus on developing your rituals to help make follow-up part of your business ritual.
Taking notes, ticklers on your computer or the use of the computer driven applications that can help you keep track of the promises you make. Whatever are the appropriate rituals for you are the things to focus on and embrace so that they can help you be a consistent messenger of the things you promised to follow up on.
Sultans of the Net
I was listening to an NPR report covering the “Sultans of the Net”. This is the nickname for the Turkish women’s national volleyball team. They recently won the European championship and are ranked as the second-best team in the world. The US women are the number one ranked team. They are both headed to Paris and the summer Olympics. It will be a difficult ticket as women’s volleyball is growing in popularity.
I was watching my eleven-year-old granddaughter play volleyball with her teammates. The demand to be on these teams, like those in Turkey, is growing. She is a member of a group of uniquely gifted young women playing the sport. Aside from winning what I noticed was the unique comradery of the team. After every point they met in the middle of the court to touch hands and prepare for the next point. It was an act of affirmation. Affirming their support for each other, their ability and their friendship. With this renewed strength they were prepared for the next point. They performed this affirmation after every point.
I had lunch the other day with my dear friend and real estate agent. There were two tables in the restaurant that caught my attention. These two groups of women were celebrating the birthday of one of their friends. I find that women are especially good at celebrating important events with their friends. Giving support through crisis and celebratory events is a common female activity. I witnessed the generosity of these two groups as they stopped to celebrate a friend and reaffirm their friendship and support. A simple yet powerful act. As demonstrated in the physical presents of the coming together of the young women on the volleyball court, generosity comes in various forms.
The common theme is the constant affirmation of friendship that is being expressed. Volleyball seems to me to be uniquely suited to the female mind set of reaffirming friendship and support. It is taught and mirrored at a very early age. My granddaughter is being taught at every point in her game that she is part of a whole. She is not the star yet she is the star as are all of her teammates. At every point in the game the model of “I am part of a whole and that whole is the team” is being replayed as her colleagues meet in the center of the court and reaffirm their support for each other.
Affirmation is another way in which we can generously extend and give of ourselves. Generosity of spirit is more effective than the generosity of the checkbook. As we build relationships with our business colleagues, our clients and our friends, it is important to remind ourselves to think about the ways in which we can show generosity. It does not have to have a numerical value as the richness of one’s presence is powerful and long lasting. When building a relationship your generosity is a clear signal that you are sincere in your efforts and are bringing your present self to that effort. Find a way to come to the center of the court to indicate that you are part of the whole and that the whole is better with your generosity
Children’s Sports
There was a scandal on the woman’s volleyball court which required immediate attention and a halt in the game --- too many substitutions!!!
Having flown at their expense, another scandal erupted in the men’s hockey tournament. The team was threatened with all wins forfeited because of a player eligibility crisis.
More Ice Hockey news – for the D-1 men’s club hockey program games are being scheduled at 10pm during finals week.
More volleyball news-- families are asked to give up their entire weekend to travel 5 hours to watch their daughters play for 5 minutes of a two hour 3 out of 5 set match
A sunny afternoon soccer game is disrupted by the hi decibel discussions of parents unhappy with the officiating.
Puppies are brought in to calm the players nerves before the big game allowing plenty of time to cuddle and play.
One of these things is not like the others
One of these things just doesn’t belong
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish this song.
…. Sesame Street
Let me help you – The first 5 story lines are all stories from the annals of our children’s sports programs. The soccer scene could be any soccer game ages 5 and up. Volleyball players are 10 —- hockey players are 18 year university students.
The outlier is ,of course, the puppy story. That scene —— The SF Forty-Niner’s locker room before their NFL Conference Final. No children and no amateurs.
The eligibility story came about because a player was called home to care for his single mother. The volleyball girls are 10 years old. The soccer scene is repeated on almost every field with children. The late-night games were to make way for an adult pick-up game
I am a big fan of sports of all kinds but what we are teaching our children has little to do with sport proficiency and everything to do with conflict and our inability to teach conflict resolution. The governing bodies are having trouble understanding this is not the Conference Finals and they are not running a professional sports franchise. Perhaps we should be stepping back and teaching our children good sportsmanship and kindness along with sports skills instead of transactional behavior. There does not have to be a winner and a looser for everything. Sometimes holding a puppy is the best way to teach cooperation and understanding.
…..What happened to that Golden Retriever puppy?
Here Comes the Judge
A judge is a person who renders honest decisions, not decisions based on bias or prejudgment. Keeping an open mind may be the most important and most difficult of judicial tasks.
Patience, dignity, fairness, impartiality, honest
What judges are NOT supposed to do is impose in their decision making.
The judges that sit on this current US Supreme Court are imposing. In their writings and speeches, they are making it clear where their prejudgment is on various issues and they bring those prejudgments to the cases brought before them. They are imposing not judging. They are not open minded. The conservative wing of this Supreme Court bring their preconceived beliefs and renders their judgement based on those preconceptions. They impose through the vail of legal jargon. The conservative wing hides behind the use of legalese and obscure references to previous case law and perceived technicalities of the US Constitution. What is disturbing about this is they are able to pick and choose language which serves their purpose. The US Constitution, although relevant, was also written in 1787. A lot has changed in the ensuing 237 years. The interpretation of the Constitution serves a similar purpose as strict adherence to the Bible. A document that was written in many parts almost a century after the death of its principal character. These documents can be manipulated to support many sides to the same question.
Alito – Thomas – Gorsuch – Barret – Kavanaugh - Roberts use the obscure and complicated to convince us of their brilliant legal minds. It took Alito 213 pages trying to convince us that Roe was an imposed doctrine when in fact he and his colleagues were doing the imposing. They were legislating through a morass tangled language and case reference. The Roe decision was specifically based on a woman’s right to govern her own body.
The sad result—— the highest court has developed as a legislative body with preconceived decisions on major principles of this country.
Most importantly these justices are not rendering decisions based on impartial thinking. They bring their belief system to the court and rule based on that belief system. They are neither open minded nor impartial – a basic tenant of judging. There is no mystery about their decisions.
The judicial branch is not a legislative branch. This court is legislating and legislating in a way that is not in accordance to the believe system of the country as numerous polls and studies have shown.
No wonder they are an untrustworthy organization.
Destiny
I was a little stuck this week on a subject for this week’s blog. During the week. I had experienced many positive things as I was returning from Europe.
There was the amazingly positive impact of the Global Entry system as I breezed through the customs hall. I did feel slightly guilty as I observed the massive amount of people packed cheek by jowl waiting to reenter the United States. I could have written about several experiences on my trip but then…. a familiar problem swept into my life. Admittedly it is a problem I face frequently. I needed to solve a software problem. I don't mean designing software I mean figuring out what the software designer meant when he/she thought I would know intuitively to press the key in the bottom left of the screen, when I was convinced it was the button in the upper right. After a few feeble tries on my own and multiple “m…fers”…I called the help line. In a frustratingly sarcastic tone and a few more muffled “m…fers” the gentleman on the phone happily transferred me to……. “Hello, my name is Destiny, how can I help you?” She was, indeed, destiny for me.
I don't know what part of the country Destiny is in but she sounds like she might have been from the Southern US. Regardless she was the software solution to my software problem. Let me stipulate that all things digital are not necessarily my forte, so it could have been an easy fix for many, but not for me. Destiny, literally, spent an hour on the phone with me. She walked me through the solution that required multiple clicks and multiple redirections, passwords and email addresses, all of which were done in an order which was unfathomable to me. It doesn't really matter what the problem was as all such problems having to do with passcodes and button pushing are challenging for many not just me. These programs are all designed by humans and the big assumption is that that human will have the same intuitive logic that I do and that is a stretch.
What was so impressive about this experience is the dedication to arriving at a solution by this woman. I am sure that all day everyday she deals with one faceless voice after another. I am sure many are not as kind or understanding as this frustrated prompt pushing internet user. With amazing perseverance and patience, she walked me through the myriad of prompts and button selections to achieve the stated goal. I am sure she has done this many times before. What was further impressive to me, was her desire to seek a positive outcome and an appropriate solution. I was a faceless client to her as she picks up phone call after phone call. I don't know if her employer has any appreciation of her patience or her ability to achieve an outcome that is positive for both client and company.
How does one replicate an employee like Destiny? Is she rewarded for this kind of effort or is it just part of the human condition at her workplace that people are seeking an outcome that is achievable? Achievable by their unique expertise, that expertise may not be incredible and it may not lead to a revolutionary solution but for this moment she was achieving all of what software had to offer.
We live in a world that is becoming more faceless and more impersonal as technology replaces human connectivity. Where is the training that would allow a woman like Destiny to achieve excellence in a job where she can never know her clients and will never see their faces? I can only attribute Destiny’s excellence and resolve to the character that only she brings to the job. Here is to the Destinys’ of the world. Regardless of what phone center she walks into she and the few others like her distinguish themselves in their humanity to help the faceless frustrated software users of the world.
Thank you destiny I have no other way to thank her other than write about you
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: DESTINY!! DESTINY!! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME! DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!
Young Frankenstein (1974) Gene Wilder as Dr. Frankenstein
Fly with Me-(do I have to🙏🏻)
Safety First…..
This subject is not necessarily unique, and they are an easy target. But a recent event just set me off on this industry —- again!! It's an industry that hides behind safety. No one wants to get in an airplane and not takeoff and land!! Therefore, as an industry, safety is their first concern. If they don't take off and land, the economic impact on the airline company is fatal. Let's stipulate that as an industry we expect, no, we demand that they do these two critical things. These two things are at the core of the business. Everything else is truly ancillary. Having said that, as companies they are also building relationships with their customers. At that they are a failure.
First, they are not listening nor are they empathetic. I think if they were to embrace either one of these two foundational relationship building blocks, they would be constructing their business in a different way. I don't know anybody who enjoys sitting in a straight back chair for a six hour flight with their knees underneath their chin. Nor do I know anyone who enjoys being “nickeled and dimed” at every possible juncture —- headphone, upgrade food, drinks , etc. etc. This industry has managed to make the rules of engagement so complicated and costly that no normal person could possibly understand. This has nothing to do with safety. They have done their best to distance themselves from customers. There's no real human that we can talk to, or at least a human that has some semblance of empathy and understanding. Of course, when the airlines get themselves in trouble they run to the taxpayer, obtain a bunch of money to keep operating. They are protecting their employees, keeping the airlines safe. Are they really keeping us safe?
If I were in that business and somebody was controlling when I took off and landed. I would want them to be educated, heathy and happy. I would not wait for somebody else even the government to take care of this problem. Do I want the control tower employee to come to work grumpy and disgruntled? No I want him or her to be super happy, so happy that they want to make sure that my plane is going to land safely.
I come to Italy frequently. Sometimes my plans change. We live in a dynamic world. Circumstances are such that this dynamism requires change. I don't think it's fair to be punished for a change in circumstances. My dentist doesn't punish me beyond the pain of drilling my teeth if I have to change my appointment.
I had a return date to come back from Italy. I had to change my return date by two days. Suffice it to say it became inconvenient for me to return on my original date. I was flying in business class which, by the way, is not where you think first class was. It's basically an economy seat with three more inches. Meaning that my knees and my chin do not actually have to make contact for 12 hours. When I asked United Airlines, they told me that to make this change would cost me. And they were not kidding Let’s talk numbers — my original round-trip was $4600. The change was going to cost me 4500 that's correct $4500 to change my my departure date by two days with no other change. I'm not sure about you, but that doesn't necessarily create a warm feeling or make my relationship with this company better. I'm not an occasional flyer on this airline. I fly a lot and I generally pay the full freight. In reality the only reason I fly them is because I have no other option. That’s why competition is a good thing. The model for this company is takeoff and land for the safety of the company and the ancillary benefit would be the safety of the client. Other than that, United does little of material benefit for their clients. They are not listening, nor are they empathetic, nor are they trying to create a product that might increase the enjoyment of their client's experience. What other company would create a product, and then to demonstrate how the CEO feels about the product he chooses to fly privately. We all would like that option. If you are thinking about building a relationship based on the skills of empathy and listening, United would not be the best example. Unless of course you're able to secure dominance, regulatory protection and fear.
Motto : fly the friendly skies because you're scared and we are all you have 😎😎
New Year 2024
Argh! the conclusion of another year…. Some will lament its passing others will be happy it has come to an end. Either way I think the majority of us would be willing to agree that it all went too fast as Tempus Fugit is alive and well —- unless you are a 5-year-old. For them everything moves too slowly. Listening to and reading the lists of “Best Of “seems an exercise in futility as we are looking in the rear-view mirror as all of these lists grow in irrelevancy as soon as they are exposed to the public light. In addition to the “Best Of” we are exposed to the predictions for 2024.
Given the state of world affairs –
War everywhere – Ukraine, Israel – Gaza – Yemen – Haiti – Iran – Democratic Republic of the Congo – Ethiopia – Libya – Myanmar – Turkey – Syria – Somali, etc. The state of the most powerful nation on earth – that would be us. A dysfunctional non governing House of Representatives that forgot they were elected to actually find compromise and move the country in a positive way
The climate is punishing large groups of people with rain, heat, drought, rising seas and all matter of weather-related crisis
Massive migration as people try to escape the terrible circumstances that have been forced upon them through the selfishness and cruelty of others
So it is that most of the prognostications for the events of 2024 are not particularly good. My hope is that being a positive contrarian these predictions will fall flat and proven wrong. So given this somewhat “Polly-Anna” view of the predictions of others, I offer the following:
Suggestions for 2024:
1. Try a little kindness
2. Remember there was a time when once you did love him – her – them - it
3. Rather than blocking someone – reach out and talk to them
4. Talk more text less
5. The people you follow are more than their Instagram account – find out what they have to offer
6. Spandex, Latex, and Lycra are not natural fibers and neither are the people inside
7. Discover your empathetic side – you will be surprised where that leads you
8. Remember you are fortunate to be where you are ---- you don’t deserve to be there any more that those less fortunate deserve to be where they are. Maybe you can help
9. Try something new --- Isn’t your comfort zone getting too comfortable.
10. Forge ahead with your goal. It is worth a little extra effort.
Happy New Year
Why Now?
It started with Christmas Cards. My parents were masters at this, with a long and updated list of addresses. Most importantly was the careful selection of the Christmas Card which appropriately underscored their sentiment for the Christmas season. Then came the photo card with a lengthy description of the achievements of the family. It mostly centered on the children with a detailed description of the Nobel prizes won, degrees bestowed and endangered animals rescued. This was followed by the postcard photo op od the extended family, sometime two sided depending on how large the family had grown over the preceding 12 months either through natural causes or successful merger. Now it is a simple text message wishing for a happy holiday unless you risk making mention of Christmas. This year I was wondering the following:
Why is this sudden outpouring of caring and wishing at the end of the year? We have the urge to make sure we touch base with people that have been untouched for the other eleven months of the year. I found myself going through the mental gymnastics of reviewing the names of people I know that were anxiously waiting to hear from me. Why don't we do this exercise at other times of the year? What makes it so critical do let them know I am thinking of them NOW. They don’t have time to buy and send a gift so that motivation is cancelled. Maybe they owe me money – a possibility but may be better left unsaid until January. March might be a good idea to stay in touch with people.
I know I forgot to wish someone a Merry Christmas. It is always a little easier when they write first – then all you have to do is respond in kind. I think it is nice to hear from people wishing me a Merry Christmas. There is nothing more supportive and warmer than being acknowledged. I suppose you could wonder why? Do they want something? Did they miss me? Whatever the reason it is a thoughtful gesture and one worth acknowledging and encouraging.
I bring this up because aside from the kindness of the message my question is why now? Why the end of the year? Christmas cards were all the rage a few years back. It still remains --- why the end of the year? Will I not hear from you until next December?
The end of the year -- Does this mean a conclusion? The reality is January 2nd will reveal the exact same issues that frustrated us in December. We say all our best wishes and then go back to doing the exact same thing. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome.
Don’t get me wrong I think it is a great idea to stay in touch and in tough in multiple ways. I am only questioning the necessity to do it NOW. Are we really too busy to reach out at other times of the years - say May?
I found a hand written note from a colleague. I had saved it all these years, not because of the note itself but of the effort to write the note. I have saved this hand written two-line note while most of my Christmas greetings have long since been recycled. I would suggest that if you wanted to receive full credit for your remembrances next year -----Try sending your remembrances in February or July for that matter …… May
Happy New Year --- Thinking of you!!!
Dear Santa
Dear Santa:
I hope this letter finds you well and happy. Further, I hope you had a good rest prior to this busy time of year. It must be confusing to be a pagan symbol in a highly religious period of the year, but, heck we are all somewhat confused this time of year. I mean who would not be confused when companies choose this religious/pagan holiday to be the opportune time to lay people off of their jobs. Somehow that doesn’t seem to be in the spirit of giving and sharing. However, that is the least of the contradictory messages we are receiving at this time of giving. I hope you will not think this list is selfish or greedy but here is my list of wants for this Christmas.
Peace on Earth. I know I ask for that every year, but seriously this is really getting out of hand. I mean powerful weapons appear to be as easy to buy as toilet paper and everyone uses them frequently, thus, causing those of us who are scared shitless to need more toilet paper.
Could you get rid of these sanctimonious right to life folks who have no problem arming everyone with assault rifles. I am sure you see the contradiction.
I would like someone to help me set up my old train set before I think it would be fun to have it circling the Christmas tree rather than after Christmas which is when I think of it.
I would like more Italian in my life, if you know what I mean.
I would like it if you could give us all a little more compromise in our lives. I mean all of us.
I know this is a big one but you cannot allow any of these Republicans anywhere near the White House.
I am stumped as to how to ask for this but somehow I would like the world to take climate change seriously. I might not be around but my children and grandchildren will be and I would like them to be as blessed with the beauty of nature that we have been blessed with over the last 100 years.
Finally, I am grateful for the gifts I have received. Gifts of love and caring that I receive everyday from my family and friends. I am one of those fortunate ones and my only real hope and request is that more people in the world can feel as fortunate as I.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
Turn Correct
It was an amazingly beautiful cool winter day in sunny Sausalito. A brilliant day with a vast blue sky. We are just a few weeks away from the official beginning of “freak out” over the lack of rain so far this winter. However, this morning was the sort of morning that makes one secretly happy the rain has not started yet.
As I was enjoying my cappuccino, with a background of gentle Christmas music; a fire truck followed by an ambulance raced by with sirens and lights ablaze with sound and fury. Immediately after the firetruck had cleared the intersection a car made its right-hand turn from the cross street and headed in oblivion in the opposite direction of the fire truck. These vehicles moving in opposite directions were a visual metaphor for how we deal with crisis. The fire truck speeding toward a crisis in one’s life and the car moving away from that crisis without concern or consideration.
We cannot worry about everybody. Afterall there are 8 billion or so people moving in and out of crisis. However, this seems like a good time of year to consider thinking of others. By definition the firetruck was going to a problem. Someone was not experiencing the kind of day I was savoring. At the end of this firetruck’s journey was a problem. Someone’s life had been interrupted and changed. The beauty of the day was now shattered and someone was going to have to find an answer for the unfortunate circumstances that were suddenly thrust upon them.
The car moving in the opposite direction had no such thoughts. They were just moving on through a crisis-less day. The kind of day that exists in the quiet corner of a sunlit day.
Where was the ambulance going, who was in crisis, and what caused them to call first responders? I'll never know, and nor will the people that live in this little town. I could not help but think about how undisturbed my life was and how profoundly disturb was the life at the end of the firetruck’s journey. For the people who are waiting for that truck there's nothing more important. Their crisis needs to be dealt with but more importantly the community around them needs to understand. The energy surrounding this little hamlet is being altered and we are not aware nor are we doing anyting about it..
I don’t believe that humanity will ever be able to be empathetic enough to make decisions that are positive for everyone. Will the decisions made by the firetruck be the best for the people in crisis or will the decisions made be at the convenience of those in the truck? We are making decisions that are self-serving, without a thought to those people who called the ambulance who are living in their personal crisis. The other people who came into the intersection have long since gone. They will not know the power of empathy as they drove the opposite way. We cannot ever get out of this until we start thinking about the people who called the ambulance. The world is in crisis and we are still turning the opposite direction. We must practice empathy and turn to the problem to solve with humanity.
Is someone you know in crisis? Good time to turn correctly and call…….
The Idea of Christmas
It is a really good idea. The “idea” of Christmas is a really good idea. An out of wedlock couple travel with their donkey thru the dessert – have their baby in a barn on three-day old hay without anesthesia — while three wise men (we don’t know why they are wise —- wondering around the dessert with valuable metals and spices) – angels watching overhead – you have to ask what were they doing there--- then there is the Christmas Tree – where did that come from – basically a pagan symbol. It is a story based on a willing suspension of disbelief but it is all really cool and I like the idea and the outcome.
That is where I am at this very moment. I have been traveling for most of the month and someone suggested that I get a Christmas tree. Honestly that, too, seems like a really good idea except that I have to get the tree – lug it up many steps and then find all those ornaments --- where are they and who is going to help put them on the tree? Now I sound like the Grinch. In a way I am because I have no children living in my house and let’s be real Children drive the bus when it comes to Christmas. Would you really pull out all those decorations and buy all those gifts and feel guilty all the while as you think of those less fortunate, if it were not for Children that are fired up -- well? – well? – you have to do it!!
My daughter called and suggested that I pull together a little Christmas dinner for 14. Now that seems like a really good idea except for the set up – the cooking -- the clean-up. And all that other stuff which I mentioned in the previous paragraph.
I had an amazingly “thank worthy” Thanksgiving with my family and am equally significant adventure after Thanksgiving, which has all sorts of promise for the coming year. I could just leave it at that --- but -- the idea of Christmas is a really good one.
It is just all of that work to make the idea a reality when I am focused else where. I am confused and struggling with the appropriate ranking of all those priorities. I think I would like someone to come in and set it all up, promise to clean it all up and then I can enjoy the idea of Christmas and look forward to the prospects of the coming year.
Maybe if I go skiing it will all be done when I come back. I really like the idea of Christmas I just don’t want to be the one that wraps the presents.
Merry Christmas
Love, Mr. Fantasy
A Tour To Remember
As we were planning our pilgrimage to Italy for Thanksgiving, my eldest son worked on getting a tour at one of our favorite Italian wine producers.
Let me stipulate a few things. QUERCIABELLA does not do tasting tours. The wine is amazing. Look for it in the United States. This was a visit not a tasting tour for the most part ….ok we did have a taste or two
Further stipulation… I did none of the tour planning. My youngest son took care of off-property meals and drinks and chauffeuring.
Additional stipulation…everyone took care of additional touring and events…. I sat in the back of the car---it was comfortable back there….
Back to the wine….
Thanks to my son’s power of honest persuasion, he secured an invitation to visit the amazing winery of Querciabella in the Chianti region of Tuscany. Of the many things that are unique and powerful about this wine and what the owner is achieving——- it is vegan. If you are like me, you might not know what that means ---- they do not use animal-based fertilizers or soil amendments anywhere in the vineyard. Further they do not irrigate their vineyards. The regulations governing the making of Chianti are varied and strict. I could be more precise in describing the beauty of the region, the earthiness of the operation, the process, and infrastructure, but what meant the most was the generosity and warmth of the people, especially our guide.
Businesses present a face to their clients and customers. Sometimes that face is manufactured – lots of make-up, fillers, and surgery. Others present a genuine face full of warmth and kindness. This is one of those businesses and interacting with that face makes the experience memorable. Memorable not just for the exchange of information or even the product but the receiving of kindness. Our tour enhanced my family’s interaction with each other as we talked about what we were learning and experiencing. The commonality of experience binds us ever closer. Her name was Daniela. Between educating us, being supportive of my attempt at speaking Italian, answering questions, she managed to engage with my 5-month-old grandson. She achieved all of these roles with ease and grace.
What is most impressive is they did not need to do any of it. In a similar way this is my experience with my restaurant friends. There is a significant difference between the businesses that bring their prescribed cordiality and those that bring genuine warmth and empathy. The owner stopped what he was doing to introduce himself to our little group. Extended himself well beyond what might be considered enough.
There are no books for this kind of business-to-client interaction. No, this is genuine human interaction. It is the sincerity and true interest as we seek to find a common bond that will enrich our lives. The stage was the rolling hills of the Tuscan countryside. Natural rows of grape vines as they transition from growing energy to a quiet rest before producing fruit for the next year. This play lasted well beyond three hours and no one was looking for the exits.
This day gave us more than a vineyard tour… it gave us education, knowledge and the pleasant embrace of new friendships. We will look forward to renewing them in the years ahead. This is so typical of the extended warmth of the people of The Bel Paese.
As we open and sip, we will be able to relive this again and again. No one needed to do this, it just came to us wrapped in the earthiness of the autumn transition.
Grazie Daniela and Sebastiano….ci vediamo presto!
Confidence
I am intrigued with the Vaporetto. This is the public “bus” system in Venezia, Italia. It is the easiest way to get around the city especially if you get tired of walking up and down stairs. Venice has had a problem with getting people to pay for the ride as it is an open process to get on and off. Slowly they are adding gates to the boat stops requiring either a pass on your phone or a card. When I was in Venice in 2019, I purchased one of these cards. They make you feel a bit like a local as you swipe the card at the gate and board the “bus”. When I arrived in Venezia a few days ago I decided to add money to my card so that I could ride the Vaporetto. I went to the ticket office just outside Harry’s Bar on the walkway to Piazza San Marco. I spoke to the woman behind the window. I was speaking in Italian and she demonstrated a degree of patience and understanding that made me feel good about my ability. This also solved the information problem. She told me that I had to go to another ticket office after the first bridge. All of this I understood and set about walking a little further to the next ticket office.
The woman behind this second window took my card and laughed. She said the card was pre covid and had no value. I knew this as I was seeking a solution not criticism. It was her style that made me feel insecure about what I was trying to accomplish and about my ability to communicate. With a dismissive wave of her hand, she embarrassed me, my language skills, and my need to achieve this task. She waved her hand and said “bye, bye -- Buona notte”. I left the ticket booth with a feeling of, not only failure to achieve, but a sudden lack of confidence in my ability to accomplish some proficiency of the Italian language. I wanted to leave, go back to Sausalito, and retire any hope of continuing my education and experience in Italy.
As I meandered through the streets, dejected in my experience, I stumbled upon another ticket office near the Rialto Bridge. As I approached the window this attendant smiled and ask how she could help. I tried again, only this time she indicated a complete understanding of what I was saying in Italian. For the next 20 minutes she and I exchanged information in Italian and I walked away with a new card, good for the next five years and a renewed confidence in my ability to make myself understood in a second language.
Learning a second language, especially later in life, is a challenge in the best of circumstances. What I discovered is how fragile your confidence is. It is incredibly challenging to translate in your head while you are speaking. I find myself wanting to say I am smart in English – just not Italian. I have been at this process for a while now but I am determined to fight through the impatient, less tolerant people and focus on the confidence builders.
I can find us a hotel, feed us and navigate from point A to point B. But what I cannot do is negotiate an argument or a contract. Having said that the least bit of questioning sends my confidence plummeting. It is far easier when you are conversing with your teacher or another friendly Italian who can fill in the gaps or understand your meaning. People like the woman at ticket booth two was anything but sympathetic and her churlish attitude almost sent me home --- like the next plane home. But the patient woman of the final ticket booth was enough to convince me to keep at it.
Felice Ringraziamento e continua ad imparare!!!!
Italia
It is made up of 126 islands sitting in the shallow waters of the Venetian Lagoon, an enclosed bay between the mouths of the Po and Piave rivers. Most of the city is linked by 472 bridges.
Its founding was in the 10th century BC (I can’t even imagine), as a Republic it lasted from 810-1797. Its sovereignty ended at the hand of Napoleon in 1797. It became part of the Kingdom of Italy in 1866. Interestingly enough Goldman Sachs was established in New York three years later in 1869. The two occurrences are not linked in any way other than a humorous anecdote. The city was at its height of influence in the Middle Ages as the financial power broker between the East and the West.
It is the best way to enter The Bel Paese (Italia). Land at the Marco Polo International Airport – collect your bag and take a pleasant 15-minute walk to the boats. You used to walk outside but now it is an inside walk with the remodeled airport. You hire a taxi and you are on your way. This is not an ordinary taxi ---- this is a speed boat. The kind you want to drive. As you speed your way across open water, the captain dodges the other boats and takes the jarring out of the oncoming waves. Your boat slows as you this medieval city rises from the water and soon you are drifting through the canals of one of the most beautiful cities in the world and certainly the most unique
VENEZIA
The city is barely visible on the horizon as you look across the expanse of the lagoon. On a clear day you see the Alps rising to the north. You are not crammed into a taxi built for the height challenged. You climb down into the boat. There is a confident arrogance about the drivers as they are masters of their craft. The amazing maneuvers the pilots can do with these boats is nothing short of amazing.
After a long flight you are soothed by the experience of sitting at water level in your speed boat racing across the open water as the sun is setting. The colors of days end reflect in the sky and the water. You are heading to the most beautiful city in the world. Suddenly the speed of the boat is reduced to a slow glide as the captain turns into the first canal in this magical city. There is too much to look at. No skyscrapers but buildings preserved for years, struggling to adapt to the modern world. Everything is done by boat. No cars here. Think of all it takes to run a city --- delivery, movers, garbage, police, ambulances all of this is done by boat. The amazing pilots of these watercraft are able to weave in and out of each other and accomplish what we only thought could be accomplished with four wheels and pavement. Your taxi ride is the best tour. There is no dialogue just the sound of the boat as you glide along allowing your senses to tour the city. It is this amazing slow orchestration of daily activity against a backdrop of a city that has existed for centuries. You have arrived at the dock of your hotel. It feels as if you have already had the best experience but there is more….
Buon Viaggio….
Bel Paese
“Are you excited” I am asked this question frequently when people are aware of an impending trip. I generally give a none emotive answer. A cross between guilt for taking the trip and self-effacing embarrassment for being able to take the trip. But that is not the case this week. I am truly excited about my upcoming trip. My large family will be celebrating Thanksgiving together and that in itself is very special given that we live in different parts of the world.
I look forward to travel as it gives one the opportunity to meet new people and to remove oneself from the norm. Travel gets you away from your normal access to news or at least it used to when news was dominated by radio and TV. Now we are living in a world that is giving us news in real time twenty-four seven.
One of the original ideas of the internet was to increase the connectivity of humans. The idea was if we knew more about each other we might understand each other better. What developed was a constant drumbeat of crisis and conflict. No wonder we are anxious and worried. Do we long for the day of the answering machine? That special moment of playing back the messages you had received while you were out of the house free from the annoyance of the phone. Now we get to take the annoyance with us. Like most things human there is an appropriate level of things that we can tolerate and then there is the level of “ excess” that we live in. Everything in moderation is the general goal for living within our means and our tolerances. We do not live in an appropriate level of information nor moderation.
Like many of our habits we quickly accelerate to a level that is unhealthy. We then spend the next decade or more trying to rein it in. Drugs are an excellent case in point. If one pain killer works what do you think ten could do. The internet and the news cycle are in excess. We received news in understandable segments when news was dominated by radio then the early days of TV. Now we are living in a world that is giving us news in real time all the time. News comes to us in a firehose of information from multiple sources, many of which are dominated by ideology rather than reliable facts.
Is it any wonder that we travel through each day with a litany of things to be anxious about? Not to mention family, children, job and all of the issues one must navigate. The firehose of the never-ending list of dire issues cannot help but make one nervous, concerned, and downright anxious about the well-being of the planet. This solution less world has given permission to a growing number of conflicts. No one can come together to form a united front against the atrocities of the world.
What all of these conflicts lack is compromise. There are just too many waring parties and no belief system to compromise. The root causes are long since forgotten. Now we are left with the immediacy of revenge for the most recent atrocity, while we grasp for the historical reference that supports our team’s view.
We find it hard to communicate in person. Rather we use an electronic device that allows us to maintain our distant hostility. Conflict resolution requires two parties to recognize each other and to embrace compromise. Since this is not available we all live out our anxious lives.
And so, it is with this backdrop that I exit for a few weeks. Off to the “Bel Paese” to celebrate Thanksgiving and to embrace that which I do not yet know. It is an exciting time. A time made more exciting as it exists in a world without resolution.
Sono fortunato, emozionato e felice
Leadership
I attended a board meeting in Texas. It is a small board for a company that has been in existence for a couple of decades. Several years ago the board made a leadership change. This altered the trajectory of the company. As I sat through this meeting listening to the CEO review the current year’s progress, I sensed a change in the feeling amongst the participants. We all have attended many of these meetings as we meet regularly over zoom. There is a similar cadence for most of these meetings as the slides are presented. All of this data has been hours in the making. In addition, there were presentations from other senior executives. After all of the presentations, lunch, and further discussions. we adjourned.
However, this meeting was different. An overwhelming positive energy underscored all of the presentations and continued . A portion of this enthusiasm, of course, is generated by the positive performance of the company. The performance has been growing consistently for several years. This year has been superlative. Beside the numbers, the energy was attributed to the unbridled enthusiasm of the chief executive --- the leader. His confidence, enthusiasm and positivity were infectious and permeated throughout the day and evening.
I have written about leadership in past blogs. Leadership by example is a powerful form. There are many types of leaders. Authoritarian leaders demanding excellence through punishment. There are laze faire leaders, their cool hands off approach has a great feel of independence. I find this type of leadership to be lacking in the ultimate goal of a good leader and that is setting goals. Leadership by intimidation, abuse and threats.
The most effective leader is leadership by example. I want to follow that leader. The one that sets achievable goals. That enthusiasm and confidence is infectious. It tells those of us who might doubt the possibilities —- we should not. This leadership style sets the tone, shows the way and will not be deterred. This leader believes in himself and the people around him. He understands that it is the team that will achieve the goals and they in turn develop confidence in the possible. A good leader demands that people understand the goal. He or she will take the time to explain and has the patience to restate and review until all understand the pathway and the methods needed to be successful. Undeterred from the bumps in the road that will ultimately occur, leadership by example is leadership by understanding and guidance. They expect only that which they can demonstrate.
Leadership is a belief system. The leader is at the center of that system which is supported by those who are following. Leadership is not only a belief system it is a level of enthusiasm that inspires others to follow. “Phoning in” leadership lacks a belief system that others can “buy into”. We desire to follow those that believe enthusiastically in the pathway we are following.
The leader of this company demonstrated this belief system and the results affirm his belief and understanding of what it will take to achieve success.
It is achievable and everyone believes.
Closure and Beginnings
Woke up this morning to the slow drip of a gray drizzle. The kind of morning which gives you permission to get out of bed slowly, if at all. However, I did get out of bed as I had a call with a long-time friend of mine. We were discussing the details of a transaction which marked the closing of a twenty-year business saga. The night before I had dinner with my son and a partner of their new restaurant. In addition to the closure and opening of commercial activities, I thought of the conclusion of personal relationships and the potential of a yet to be determined one. All of this got me thinking about closures and beginnings.
Proper closure is important, closing in a proper way is not to be ignored. Ignoring a proper closure leaves a dangling frayed thread of what should be said and acknowledged. The cheap, thoughtless way to close is by email or texting. The digital world has provided us with an economic way to communicate but it is a cheap, insincere manner one closes a chapter. Lacking sincerity and humanity it creates the frayed edge leaving the fabric of woven experience in tatters.
I have had plenty (one is more than enough) of texting dismissals but that was not my experience this morning. We have gone through a multitude of issues with this business. I will miss the humor attached to this lengthy experience. I will miss the ongoing communication as we sought to find the right path for company and investors. It was not the business that I was focused on, but the sadness of this closing chapter. It has been “a thing” for over two decades and not being able to talk about it will leave an empty space. But proper closures leave a welcoming opening for something to fill it. A proper conversation ties up the loose ends. One may miss the day-to-day experience but closure ties off those frayed edges.
As this business closes another one is opening in a completely different field. As I focus on my new efforts I find myself working closely with my sons and daughter. How fortunate for me that I can find new beginnings with them. I believe through proper closure one exits the room, closing the door and allowing the next to comfortably open. Somehow we are better able to properly execute this process in business than with affairs of the heart. Nevertheless, proper closure insures the positive growth of the next chapter.
Proper closure --- pick up the damn phone
New beginnings ---- Ditto
I going back to bed……