THE IRISH GOODBYE
After twenty years I am saying good bye to a town that I did not grow up in but felt familiar as I had visited often. Living here has been a lesson in familiarity versus intimacy. I moved to Santa Ynez in pursuit of a cowboy dream and building a family compound. For many years my parents had brought my two sisters and I to this area for Thanksgiving. As a family we were very familiar with this place. Each Thanksgiving was better than the next. Interestingly enough it was the distance from our intimate surroundings at home that made it most appealing. I was not very popular in high school and coordination had not quite found a home in my body. Coming to The Alisal was a respite from the pressures of school and the insecurity of growing up in a way that was not in keeping with my vision of me. I would only have to see the other guests for four days and thus free of the social pressures I felt every day in high school. As children we were independent, as the resort was organized around cottages so it was hard to get lost. Dinner felt grown up as we had to dress up. But the Alisal grew old and tired, never to regain the quality it exhibited when Hollywood came to visit.
My idea was to build a better ranch for my family. Now I have sold that ranch as it never quite lived up to my fantasy. I am saying good bye to this place and thus, the question – how do you say good bye.? The awkward – “You are leaving? I have never seen your place. I invited you but you could not come.” Or the parting sarcastic comment that looks for a way to belittle because I am leaving a place that they are not. It is that same quality of conversation AOC must experience when people call her a hypocrite because she wore an expensive dress for a magazine cover. Are we so insecure that our only comfort comes from the sarcasm we use to delegitimize people when we don’t understand or care not to look deeper? Therefore, I have chosen to say an Irish Good-Bye
The origin of the Irish Good-Bye originated and attributed the phrase to the Potato Famine of 1845-1852 when many Irish fled their homeland for America. Since I have a lot of Irish heritage the Irish Good-Bye feels comfortable. I have owned the property for twenty years and have made it a permanent residence for fourteen. There certainly have been many wonderful moments with lovely friends and family. I could blame it on Covid but honestly the conversation of “what I’ll miss” and “how could I leave” and “you never invited me…” …. I just don’t have the strength to endure. There are a few people here that I feel close enough to call on if I had a real problem. Thus, I will conduct a mini-tour and visit those friends to have a proper good-bye. Life here has been a cocktail affair, nothing too deep. I will pretend I have had a little too much to drink. To avoid the awkward goodbye I will just excuse myself and go to the men’s room.
“Have you seen Fred?” “I think he is in the men’s room”
Sales #I---The Problem
Books about sales generally focus on making the sale. Following that is a massive amount written on keeping track of those sales. Obviously important to any successful career; however, I like to manage my risks rather than my success. Every sales person is deeply concerned about “the problem”. Inevitably in any relationship, business or personal, there will be difficulties. How you approach and resolve these are the keys to building long lasting, successful relationships.
In other writings, I have alluded to the difficulties of selling my large property. I have been engaged with many of the nationally known real estate firms. I can speak about specific firms but I will name names after this current transaction closes --- Forgive me for painting with a broad brush but my experience with problem resolution with these organizations is disappointing. “Stonewalling” would be the simplest, most succinct way to describe their approach to conflict resolution. Concern over the the longevity of a relationship is not of primary importance. I like to think a successful transaction as one that leaves everyone just a little bit unhappy. Silence or avoidance is truly not the solution.
Look at problems as opportunity rather than failure. Business relationships that are going well often create opportunity for complacency. The fear is that a problem will derail the relationship. The opportunity of a problem is to demonstrate that you have the ability to solve a problem. It gives you a chance to explore and deepen the relationship. This should sound familiar when thinking about personal relationships. Problems in a personal relationship are most positively resolved when the two parties meet, discover the real issue and find a resolution. Arguments drag on when we hide in our bunker, refusing to speak and understand each other. Likewise, in business, if we ignore the problem , it is allowed to grow and fester. Misunderstandings are ineffable in any relationship. How we deal with them determines the long-term success. Problems give us the opportunity to discuss the issues; come to a resolution and then deepen the relationship by agreeing on pathways forward. Uncomfortable as it may be, you are better confronting and recognizing mistakes.
Likewise, in a personal relationship those same principles apply. Discuss-resolve-agree on a pathway forward. “Texting” your way out of a problem is probably not the best course of action. I mean what could go wrong with a misinterpreted text?? I found that the in-person meeting was the easiest and most efficient. Putting a phone or a computer between the two parties gives strength to be more resolute in one’s position. Easier to bark at someone through the phone than in person. The resolution is stronger and more rewarding when reached in person. The problem may be uncomfortable but avoiding it will never make it better and therefore your relationship will not be better. Showing a client that you care enough to get in the car or on the plane and meet says volumes about how you value the relationship.
More later…… #2 — Follow-up
All You Can Eat Buffet
As precious a commodity as time is, we squander much of it. Time consumers are everywhere. Our phones fill the empty voids of time that could otherwise be put to a useful purpose. The phone has become the ummm… in our language. When we have nothing thoughtful to say we look at the phone to indicate that we are alive but have nothing to contribute. Just checking my messages because I am important. Our phones squander time better than anything in ourselves. One exception: the phone fills the empty void better than a Senate Confirmation hearing for a Supreme court nominee. Either Amy Coney Barrett is the smartest person on the planet or the densest. She could never pass a job interview as she has no knowledge or opinion on anything…. Beyond sad.
I was talking with the son of a gentleman who worked for me for many years. His father and I developed a successful quarter horse operation. We were talking about life lessons learned. He said he was continuing to spend money on expensive lessons, but was hoping they would be less costly in the future. I thought that was a great manner of expressing the failure to make well thought out decisions that did not cost us in time and treasure.
I have been living an expensive lesson for the past decade. I have been a frequent attendee at the all you can eat buffet. Amazing that my very disciplined eating habit was immediately forgotten when attending the buffet. After piling up my plate with samples of everything I still had the audacity to return for dessert. It has taken time and a lot of money to learn that you only need one car.
I am not pleased about the past decade. I recognized the temptations of the all you can eat buffet and had, in retrospect, stacked my plate too full. For many years I have been busy learning life lessons at an egregiously expensive rate.
What pushes us to ordering more and procuring more is our positive view of the outcome. There have been studies proving that we tend to see the positive outcome more than the negative. The pandemic is a good example. Many of us believe it will not happen to us. We have an illegitimate leader that claims to have had the disease and then miraculously recovered even though he is old and obese. The truly sick are never seen. Those that are being careful are staying at home. So, what we see are either people who are well or those that are ignoring the problem or those that are the problem but are lying about it. We overspend and we over borrow, and we are overly optimistic when thinking about the possible outcome. You stay alkaline, watch your carbs, drink lemon water first thing in the morning etc. etc. yet when it is all there in front of you, discipline vanishes, you load up the plate----what could go wrong?
I am learning this lesson in real time. I don’t need more than the car I drive. I do not need all the items I piled on my plate. After all that just makes me think I need a bigger plate. I am learning valuable lessons with the time available. I need to be closer to the people I love. I need some pals that I can grab lunch with and not have to drive an hour or plan days in advance.
What I do not need is another brownie!!!!
MEMORIES
Watched the Vice-Presidential debate. Again, I am compelled to write as I did after the Presidential debate from the week before. I never intended this blog to be a political blog but what I see happening is more than just political. We are witnessing a complete breakdown of the responsibility of our government to communicate honestly with the citizens of this country. These people are NOT --gilding the lily; stretching the truth; walking it back; flip flopping; misunderstanding; misrepresenting------------- they are lying.
Define: lie (n) “make an untrue statement with the intent to deceive”
This is what the Vice President did throughout the evening. He intentionally lied to deceive the public.
This will be a hard memory to forget….
Memories:
When my parents passed away, I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would deal without them in my life. As it happened, after my sisters and I sold the home we grew up in, I assumed the care of the Steinway piano that my father played every night. This piano was built in 1920 and now is 100 years old. Recently I had this marvelous instrument completely refurbished. Upon its return I sat on the bench, placed my hands on the keys and heard my father playing as I went to sleep at night. It helps me reclaim some memories of my childhood. I am not as accomplished a player as he was, but just hearing the resonance of this wonderful instrument allows me to think about my father, my mother and how I grew up in the same house for all those years.
I was parked in the lot of a local Lutheran Church. I was depositing some paperwork with Kathy who has been helping me assume control of my life of bills and payments. As I was leaving, I saw the Rector walking form his home to the church. I stopped to tell him that I was using his parking lot as a drop off for paperwork, not the drop off for drugs. He smiled at my absurd reference and we engaged in conversation. He asked about my religious background and that conversation led to a discussion of his sermon from the previous Sunday. I returned home and listened to his sermon which was based on a quote from the Bible. Apostle Paul wrote: “this one thing I do forgetting what lies behind and straining towards what lies ahead I press on for what lies ahead for the heavenly goal.” In his sermon the rector went on to suggest that our memories are important. Most important are the positive memories that give us the strength to forge ahead and create memories that are constructive for our lives and the lives of the people around us. The memories of listening to my father play his piano will always bring back positive remembrances. Those, in turn, will help me to be with my children, grandchildren and the people around me in a more positive way. Focusing on positive memories gives us perspective and strength to proceed into the future with love and grace.
I hope to discard as useless and debilitating the dark time our country is experiencing. This time of mistrust in government that has been deeply sewn into our lives by the lies we hear daily. I hope to never remember this Vice President as he refuses to utter a truthful phrase to the citizens of his country.
“The fault dear Brutus, is not in our stars/But in ourselves” …Julius Caesar, Act I. These charlatans are merely taking advantage of what we have allowed. We must rise up and reclaim our democracy from these demagogues before it is too late. They are no different than the McCarthys that came before.
As we move through these challenging days, conflicts are ever present. From the absurdity of our current government to the kindness of a clergyman trying to give us hope. We must move the negative memories to the background so that we can hold on to the positives which will give us strength and guidance for the future.
I hope that all of us can have memories of the piano as we slowly fall asleep dreaming of the positive life ahead.
C’MON MAN
I finished my blog before several showings of my property. I was in the midst of copying it to my website when inexplicably --- I erased it!!! The above picture is the appropriate reflection of my feelings at that moment. It is also an appropriate representation of how I felt after watching the “WWE” event which was posing as a “Presidential Debate”. That TV event was a fair representation of the disrespect our leaders have for the American people and for the truth. Further distressing is our country’s comfort with lying. The “Liar in Chief” has told an estimated 20,000 falsehoods and that number, like Covid deaths, is undoubtedly low. Trump, McConnell, Graham, McCarthy, Cruz, Cotton --- I can go on and on--are people who have lost their association with the truth. Their moral compass no longer functions. They are, indeed, empty suits; in capable of leading. Perhaps they are a true, but sad, reflection of where we are as a nation. These profligate liars have debased our institutions and rendered trust irrelevant in the national discourse. Our tribalism has grown to the detriment of our country and standing in the world. Who could trust a nation that cannot keep their agreements? When did winning become the only credible outcome? Why is --- “well they do it” an acceptable rejoinder to the complaint? We behave as if winning were the only thing worth fighting for. Fighting for the truth is now old fashion and unrecognizable.
Why would anyone want to be a public figure? Perhaps it is the following:
Salary: 75,000-223,000 depending on seniority and position
Honorarium 27,000
Allowances: Parking, gym, furniture, travel,
Office allowances: 1-5million depending on House or Senate
Employee Compensation – 175,000 per
Full health care/ Pension after 5 yrs
That is just the basics of what a Congressperson and Senator can earn if elected. Truly none of the people sitting in those seats could get a job outside of government that provides such lucrative compensation.
Beyond distressing is the fact that these jobs are without consequence when it comes to lying and inappropriate governance. Think about your job or your behavior within your community and ask yourself if you would be allowed to behave as our elected leaders. Their ability to compartmentalize their transgressions in order to live in their own skin is nothing short of remarkable. The Republican leadership in the White House and Senate have failed in so many ways but at the core is their inability to adhere to the most basic principle of leadership --- Honesty.
I put my head in my hands and cry.
LET’S DO LUNCH
Thought about liars, the most accurate definition of our elected leaders, but I am going to postpone that commentary as I am just not in a negative space.
Instead, I am going to write about a positive experience, and I will save the heavy stuff for another time.
My eldest son recently moved from Philadelphia to The Bay Area. His brother and sisters all grew up in the Bay Area, so he was coming home. My second eldest daughter lives in Marin County with her family of five. This includes her husband which for many spouses is another child except they work. That’s unfair, he is a really good father and husband, but, as her father, I can always pick on the guy that took your daughter away : -). I have a large family with children living all over the place as they pursue their dreams. That has made “getting together” a difficult task. Thanksgiving was always a possibility and Christmas was mostly attended by all. This year, of course, will be a challenge as travel is difficult and large gatherings are more so. I am in love with the “idea” of a memorable family event, the reality is more likely achieved next year or even 2022.
Planning in the best of years is fraught with difficulties. Arranging travel schedules; jet-lagged personality disorders; and just the reassembling of the proper order of things. My children are familiar with the reorientation of the family as they all have experienced divorce and the movement between houses which requires at least a day or two to acclimate to the different house rules. As the family matures gatherings become problematic given that their lives are filled with interruptions. The extended conversation becomes a distracted event filled with children’s demands; delayed flights, a house suddenly not unaccustomed to noise. The guests you were excited to see the first day are the guests you are asking about their flight schedule and how you can help them get to the airport.
Occasionally good fortune smiles upon you and gives you the experience you were not expecting but should always be prepared to recognize. Such an event occurred for me about two weeks ago. As I mentioned my eldest son had relocated to The Bay Area and my ex-wife (ok I have had a few --- don’t judge me, I have other good qualities) was super generous and let him use her home in Marin County. She had chosen to remain in NYC while the Covid-19 virus ravaged the country and the current administration lied about it while they watch Rome burn. Ok, a small diversion.
Since I had not seen my son since December, I drove up to visit after his 14-day guarantee. I was staying a few days as I had to return home for a real estate showing. I asked my daughter if she could break free of her young children to have lunch. She secured a reservation at a local restaurant which was convenient for the three of us. The atmosphere was lovely, and the weather was equally cooperative. Three hours later we were still there!!!! I am still thinking of this lunch. We were friends, we were father and children, we were confidants, we were consiglieri we were all of those relationships at different times over those three hours. No one looked at their cell phones and no one was in a rush to leave as that moment was the most important. We were truly present and present to each other. Magical sounds too cliché but it was for me. It was unexpected. It reassured me of how close we are as a family. It gave me confidence that despite all of the uncertainties that life is throwing at us, one’s family can prove to be the grounding element. I felt truly blessed to be a part of this lunch. I was honored that my children still saw me as a friend, a parent, and an advisor. What should not be lost--- they also are all of that for me. I regard them as my best advocates and my true and accomplished advisors. For those who have the privilege of having children, these are the treasured moments.
Time appears abundant when we are in the vortex of work, school, and schedules but when we look back, we see how fleeting it is. I was able to capture time this day. Time stood still so we could embrace the importance and value of our relationship on all of its levels.
With gratitude…...
Press: Fredric on ‘Money You Should Ask’
Hello followers!
We interrupt your scheduled blogcasting to let you know that Fred recently appeared on the podcast, Money You Should Ask. He appears on Episode 103 and you can listen below, on our press page, or on your favorite podcast platform. Happy listening!
The Digital Divide
At the risk of dating myself or appearing completely out of touch, I was thinking there could be some weaknesses in the brave new (well not so new) world of digital communication. This will not be the last time I write on this subject, but it is the first time. It is also part of the series I am developing on sales, but this first writing will be slightly broader and not focused on improving sales.
I certainly appear somewhat hypocritical as I am writing a blog that will only be disseminated via the digital world. I do not view digital as non-essential, far from it, as the sophistication of digital communication continues to grow it is an essential form of communication. However, it is only one of many tools that one can use when communicating with others. The basic weakness of digital communication is the inability to properly express your intent or feelings. Emojis may help your reader understand the emotion behind your message, just in case they don’t appreciate your sarcastic wit and humor. Digital allows for interpretation on the part of the reader which may not be the intended interpretation of the writer. Digital messages allow me to read into it the emotion I am feeling or the intent I perceive you to be implying. The more we communicate digitally the more we distance ourselves from the true meaning of our feelings and intent..
Aside from the constant misunderstanding of the intent of the message, it is the pure laziness of hiding behind a text instead of communicating directly. I was reminded recently of the great enthusiasm that can be experienced in person rather than through digital communication.
The other day a friend of mine invited me to her new workspace. She is a close friend of my girlfriend so I can call her a friend, but it is guilt by association. At any rate, we drove into town and we went to see Joanna’s new shop. Joanna is a furniture maker and an upholsterer. I know what you are thinking how hard can that be really?
Really hard----this is beyond difficult and still must be done by hand. Think about all of those decorative brads in your leather chair and how perfectly they are spaced. One mistake and you get to do it all over again – I would say super difficult-- I digress. The point of all of this is she had finally separated herself from being the jobber to being the owner. By the way, her work is incredible; seriously, this is a person you need for all of your furniture work —- again I digress. The point (OMG aren’t you tired yet) is when I walked into her “new” shop her enthusiasm was infectious. She could hardly wait to show us everything and what was going everywhere and how it would look and what was changing and what and what. And what was amazing is how excited and full of life and potential success she exuded. She could have sent me an email announcing her new shop and her expanded business and I would have gone on to the next email. But going there, that was an experience that I could relate to and, well, write about because it meant something. Meant something to her and me. We talked about business and managing success and how important it was to manage your risk not your success. She could never have communicated this depth of excitement in an email.
I am under no illusion that we are not going back to an analog world. I would like to point out the value of a blended style of communication. I spend a lot of time in front of a computer. It’s a very neutral space. It protects me and you from the emotions coming back because the email or text has no emotion other than the emotion we read into it; which, as I have discussed, is not without its problems. My computer, phone, iPad or whatever mechanical device is in my hand or fingers protect me and you. Let’s look at an example.
Applying for a job: You send your resume via email. Three things can happen: 1) it is deleted by the recipient 2) It is read and then deleted 3) it is read, and you receive a request for more information. On the senders’ side, he/she sends the resume via email and thinks that their job is done. I asked my son how his job applications were coming, and he said they were great as he had sent his resume via email to the companies he cared about. Job done!! NOT SO FAST I suggested that he might want to consider the three things that could happen to his resume and he got the point that perhaps his job was not done. Oh, I hear you, “but that is how you have to apply, they don’t let you talk to anyone.”
Unfortunately, both the job seeker and the job looker have managed to isolate themselves from the human process of finding another human that might benefit the company. Instead, we made the application process more streamlined which is another word for more isolated from human interaction. There is a story that went around the firm I worked for many years. The firm was trying to establish a relationship with a large company from Australia. The banker in charge could not get a meeting. He discovered that the CEO flew back and forth on the same flight every month. The banker managed to purchase a ticket on that flight and managed to sit next to the CEO he was trying to start a relationship with. By the time the 16-hour flight concluded he had managed to secure a meeting. Whether true or not that is not the point, if you want to get noticed there will be obstacles that are in place that make it difficult. Since you want what they have, it is incumbent upon you to find a way to be noticed. Digital communication puts you in the exact spot that your competitors are and therefore makes you, if not irrelevant, certainly average or indistinguishable from your competitors. Analog communication allows you the opportunity to be noticed in a different and hopefully more positive fashion.
A friend of mine’s daughter asked me to write a recommendation for her. It was an introduction to the firm. What I remember most about the experience was not whether she was successful in getting the internship, it was the handwritten letter thanking me for providing the introduction. I still have the letter and I still hear from her and her progress at the company. I keep all the letters I receive. It is not that burdensome because I don’t receive that many. Handwritten communication is noticed because, so few people send them. Too lazy, bad handwriting, too shy whatever it is – get over it. There is something intimate about a handwritten note, letter or card. It is an extension of the person uninterrupted by an electronic wall. I am not discounting the efficiency of the digital world nor the convenience of sending an electronic message. Digital does not require an emotional commitment. You don’t have to hear the disappointment in delivering a negative outcome, likewise, you cannot fully experience the elation of the positive result. You miss the joy of yes and the harshness of no. The written word softens the blow or expands the joy. The voice or written word reveals the actual feeling behind the message. The sympathy, sadness, joy, and love are amplified when written by hand or spoken. You just cannot escape the hardness of the electronic message as efficiently as it might be. Again, I am not suggesting we go back, as that ship has sailed. However, I am suggesting that analog be given a larger space in your communicative world. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Misspell a word, let someone see your sloppy handwriting or maybe your beautiful handwriting. Analog is the human experience digital is the robot, the coldness of the machine. Pick up the phone or write a little note to someone you care about or someone you have lost touch with. I still have the cards and notes that I have received. I keep the letters my father wrote. I saved the notes my sisters wrote while they were discovering life through school and travel. These notes and letters are full of emotion and human interaction. My emails, texts and other electronic messages? --- Press Delete ----
CREATIVE THINKING
As good as your business philosophy is and as successful the business becomes; we get stuck in the methodology of what works until it doesn’t work. We pay lip service to the ability to think “outside of the box” or to be creative or to keep our business relevant. The expression: “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” is a favorite of those who think they have their business model figured out. The COVID crisis has provided an opportunity for businesses to reexamine their methodology and create a model that could be more successful than the initial one. The larger the business the more difficult it is to be nimble and creative. Like the ship in the ocean, it takes time to change course; however, that does not mean it is impossible. It just takes additional time and planning. The following is a story of two small hospitality businesses which were impacted negatively during this crisis.
Handlebar
This is a coffee bar started by a couple who had been very successful bicycle racing in Europe, hence the name. Initially, it occupied a small space in the downtown of Santa Barbara. Kim and Aaron roasted and served coffee/expresso drinks with a limited amount of baked goods. Their product was very much in the European tradition with a “proper” cappuccino – no multi-Grande latte-frappuccino here. Serving a quality product behind a massive expresso machine their business grew. They established a new larger location in an area with limited parking but because of the quality of their product people found a way to park and happily stood in line. They increased their food offerings with high quality but a limited offering appealing to varied tastes. This had the feel of a typical model for a specialized coffee bar. However, it required a hands-on approach as both of the owners were there at all times. Personal attention- inviting space – quality product – welcoming staff and the feeling that people were happy to work there and give that positive feeling back to the customer. Then came the COVID crisis and they were forced to shut down. This is where the owners became creative and pivoted their business to a model. Undoubtedly they had not dreamed of this change of coarse, but, it allowed them to keep the business running. They created a better model with a diversity of products and a broader product serving without the overhead you might imagine in a hospitality venture.
They immediately adhered to the county health requirements – closed their kitchen; removed tables; established signage for social distancing. At first, you would think that would have closed their business, but this is where they pivoted from the norm. They were able to keep their employees by moving to one shift. People don’t drink a lot of coffee at four in the afternoon, the majority of revenue occurs between 7 am and 1 pm. Lower overhead and 80% of your revenue is probably something they had not thought about in the business plan. To supplement the lost revenue, they began to offer bulk food products – flours, olive oil, sugar, etc. Turns out that a lot of their clients were staying at home and after coffee they were at home baking and cooking with the products they had purchased at Handlebar. Restaurant quality foodstuffs were offered at a reasonable price which was attractive to their clientele. Additionally, they started to support local wineries. Instead of the usual 30-50% mark-up Handlebar marked up the wine less; thus, giving the winemaker an additional outlet and their customers a bargain price. The result of these modest pivots was a revenue model that showed year over year increases in business activity and most importantly, revenue. Additional benefit – owners and employees were able to go home early to be with family and friends and to think about the next additional product channel to provide customer service and additional revenue. Maybe they even took a bike ride like the old days.
Bell’s
This is a high-quality fine dining restaurant in a small one-street town north of Santa Barbara. This young couple, he runs the front of the house and she runs the kitchen, established Bell’s in 2019. By the way, Daisy was just named one of Food and Wine Magazine’s best new chiefs for 2020. Bell’s is a proper French bistro. Daisy and Greg Ryan created a lovely space and an imaginative, incredible food experience. Their model was to provide a true hospitality experience where people remember not only the food but the ambiance and warm sincere service. COVID put a crimp in that model. Rather than bemoaning the interruption of a well thought out hospitality model the Ryan’s immediately pivoted to a different model. Taking advantage of the PPP loan program they were able to retain their entire staff. Granted it is a small group but nevertheless, their entire team continued to work. They remodeled their interior dining to adhere to the distancing rules, more importantly, they created a delightful outdoor space. Soon, as we know, interior dining was prohibited, but Bell’s was ready to receive people on the new outdoor patio. Another critical change was the type of dining offered. Bell’s now offered a 5-coarse prix-fix menu with a standard service charge. Seating was by reservation only with no walk-ins allowed. They started with dinner service 5 nights a week and eventually added lunch while remaining closed Tuesday and Wednesday. These modest but critical business model changes have resulted in better control of their inventory, control of their service, retained their employees and most importantly, provided an exemplary hospitality experience. Dinner at Bell’s is truly memorable with each offering better than the next. Oh, did I mention that this is a more profitable model and business continues to grow.
The experience of these two hospitality businesses and the alterations they made to their business models appear on the surface to be minor and not that creative.
I would disagree with that assessment.
Changes in one’s business model or one’s life model are often nuanced. The challenge is taking the risk to adjust at all. Change of any kind is difficult. Think how hard it is to change anything in your life. From the big - moving, relationships, job change to the small - coffee to tea, formal dress to casual, my tooth paste — we dislike change and the unknown. It is so much easier to remain the same, comfortable in what we know. Remember the negative is always the easier side of the argument. “No” to everything doesn’t move the needle much in your life or in your vocation. Even the slightest change creates an unknown. The unknown is uncomfortable as we like predictability. Change in no small way takes courage and confidence that you have altered the path for the better. Both of these businesses were achieving success with the old model. It is true some of this was forced, but many of the changes in our life are formed by things we did not plan for. Managing our success is the easy part; managing our risks is more challenging and difficult. The degree of difficulty of change is massively bigger than the comfort of doing things the same way. Bell’s and Handlebar are solid examples of how even the smallest change can bring large reward. They were rewarded for taking risk no matter how big or small it might seem to the outsider. They have not only continued to increase revenue and clients; they have created a positive experience for their clients. In many respects the result is better and more creative but at the core, it is still a memorable hospitality experience. When one is living in a world that looks stable it is probably just a trick (Solo un Trucco) as change is coming soon. The ability to take risks and the willingness to change is what keeps your life and business nimble and fresh. One thing that keeps us interesting and interested is a fresh view of the well planned.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” --John Lennon
Friendship: A Slippery Slope
Friendships
Friendship: A Slippery Slope
Somedays are “wake up calls” or at least a gentle jolt to pay attention. I was interviewed for a podcast developed by Bob Wheeler titled “Money You Should Ask.” (moneyyoushouldask.com) It is an exploration of the emotional relationship people have with money. I needed a clear internet connection so that we could have an uninterrupted zoom call. That is a challenge at my home. I asked my friend if I could use his office and the conference room which he gave to me without question. I brought coffee and tea – a truly modest payment for the use of his space. The value proposition --- he did not expect anything more and would not have taken anything more. He was just being a friend.
I spent many years in the financial service industry, and you might presume that is a rough industry without a lot of emotional connection between colleagues. That has not been the case for me. This week I received two phone calls from friends I had worked closely with in the day. They were calling to see how I was doing as things have been a bit challenging recently. They were not seeking anything other than information on my well-being. If I had asked for something it would have been granted; however, what was enough was that they cared enough to reach out. As friends we have a context in our relationship, and we are cognizant of the need to stay in contact as our lives move like a pendulum passing through equilibrium. What struck me was the distinction between these friendships and those that are convenient or transitory. It is a slippery slope because sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between the two. Some friends are truly supportive, many more are there at their convenience or watching for weakness to give them that false sense of superiority. It was that friend who also contacted me on this day. We had a modest email misunderstanding, a common occurrence with this digital platform. It was his response that raised my awareness of the fact that he was measuring our relationship as if it was a balance sheet. It was the ease in which we fell into a comparison of who had been the better friend as if it were a contest. That comparison was a measure of the exchange of goods for services —— That is a sad measure of a friendship. My other two friends were not thinking of a balance sheet, they were just checking up on a friend.
Friendships are super valuable but not always and not all of them. Taking care to understand the foundation of that relationship is time well spent. If your friends behave differently than you would in a given situation, pay attention to that difference. It may be a difference you cannot rationalize or accept. I believe you will have a few truly good friends in your lifetime and if that is true then you should pick wisely. We don’t have enough time to be casual about the friends we keep. Don’t get confused with friends that can better you financially or improve your community standing with others that do not care where you stand, they just want to stand next to you. As the old expression goes you cannot choose your family…. but you can choose your friends ——- choose wisely my friend.
É Solo Un Trucco
June 2, 2014, I was in the Bradly International Terminal at LAX. It had recently opened – everything was new and clean. I was boarding a Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt on my way to Venice.
June 2, 2014, I was in the Bradly International Terminal at LAX. It had recently opened – everything was new and clean. I was boarding a Lufthansa flight to Frankfurt on my way to Venice.
The kindness of my German friend was allowing me an opportunity to be in Venice for two months. I stayed there until July 2, 2014. While I was there my daughter talked me into writing a blog about my experiences, which I did. I wrote 107 posts and developed 40 followers.
Now 6 years later I have decided to write again. The blog was on the “Tumblr” platform, but my daughter has talked me into developing my own website. My old writings were under the blog name “Il Vaporetto Di Fredric” in a nod to Il Vaporetto, which is the public transportation of Venice. Think of it as a bus on water. I was so taken with the public transportation. I was on the Vaporetto every day, it was a lovely way to move around the city. It is hard to believe that it has been six years since I last wrote but that is the way time travels—fast
I will write about some of the things that transpired in the past but honestly, it was on the whole not a great period for me and hard to focus on as it now appears to have been time squandered. I am going to focus on the present and the future. The goal is to write a complete post in Italian, but alas, I am a bit away from that. In the interim, I shall focus on the present and the future–neither of which I have any true understanding.
My new title is:
É Solo Un Trucco.
It’s only a trick.
My inspiration is from the movie La Grande Bellezza. Starring Tony Servillo as Jep Gambardella. This is a wonderfully artistic movie which follows Jep as he celebrates his 65th year. Jep and I are kindred spirits, but he has learned something I have not:
“The most important thing I discovered a few days after turning 65 is that I can’t waste any more time doing things I don’t want to do.”
I am still trying to embrace this as I review the last 6 years. The last thing I truly wanted to do was be in Venice on my own. Now, as I come to grips with the fact that there is probably more in back than in front for me I am working on the things I want to do. Because sadly I will not escape the end…
“This is how it always ends. With death. But first, there was life. Hidden beneath the blah, blah, blah. t’s all settled beneath the chitter chatter and the noise. Silence and sentiment. Emotion and fear. The haggard, inconstant flashes of beauty. And then the wretched squalor and miserable humanity. All buried under the cover of the embarrassment of being in the world, blah, blah, blah. Beyond there is what lies beyond. I don’t deal with what lies beyond. Therefore… Let this novel begin. After all its just a trick. Yes, it’s just a trick…”
This is how we leave Jep at the end of the movie and this is how I will attempt to take his guidance. Write about the present and look for the beauty. —It’s just a trick.
waiting, waiting, anticipating
My renewed writings will not only be about real estate and the selling of my property, however, but it has also been such a dominate factor in my life for the last 6 years I am compelled to write about it...
My renewed writings will not only be about real estate and the selling of my property, however, but it has also been such a dominate factor in my life for the last 6 years I am compelled to write about it...
As I am waiting for that one buyer to present themselves, I began to think about the emotional differences between buying and selling. Of course, there are no truly universal truths and there is euphoria when the sale closes, but that euphoria is different than the pleasure of buying as it is more akin to relief.
Buying real estate or, for that matter, buying anything is such an emotionally positive act. It is the ultimate culmination of your thoughts. This applies to even the simplest of purchases.
Not everyone is fortunate to buy a piece of real estate whether it be a home, building, land so let’s assume you are going to buy anything—maybe a shirt, a dress, a pair of shoes, food, etc. It is the culmination of positive thoughts and desires. Investing is a positive act that is a demonstration of one’s research and understanding of the possibilities of making something or someone better through one’s support, whether financial or emotional. But selling—now that is a different act altogether.
I have made my property available for sale for many years. The fact that it has not sold yet is a subject of future commentaries. What I was mostly struck with today was the waiting. A group looked at the property the other day. By all accounts, it is a property that fits their needs. So, now I sit and wait for their next step. They may never make another step or that next step may take weeks or months. What is personally challenging is the waiting and the lack of any substantive information.
Moving on to the subject of an Introduction to this blog….
A few years ago, I donated a weekend at my ranch to a charity in Marin County. The item was purchased by 6 women who used it as a weekend get-a-way. During the weekend I hosted a dinner for them to provide a forum for a discussion about their lives and life. I asked them to tell me what they felt was their greatest accomplishment other than their children.
This question gave them great pause as they searched their memory bank for the things they felt were accomplishments. I had a birthday last week. Since we are in a social lockdown during the pandemic, which baffles our inept government, my children sent me a video for my birthday. The basis of which was the edited version of the Dire Straits song Money for Nothing, followed by singular wishes for a happy birthday. I realized that my question to these women was really unfair. Money, titles, and awards of various sorts pile up in our lives and yet the truly memorable events revolve around our family.
I was filled with such pride as my children and relatives saluted me on my birthday. I have watched this video over and over. Each time it fills me with warmth and pride as on their own they have developed independent, productive lives and contribute to their communities. When I think of how I have approached parenting, I am pleased and proud of the outcome.
I apologize to my house guests as I eliminated from my question the answer that meant the most and felt the deepest. No meeting missed, deal done, or thing purchased will ever touch the heart and soul as deep as the first smile, the first words or the maturation of your relationship with your children as they move from dependency to consigliere. How fortunate am I to have these five individuals at my side? I did a disservice to my guests by eliminating what surely was their greatest accomplishment and that is their children. This blog is the collaboration of my youngest daughter with the support of the other four.
I grew up in what surely was an upper-middle-class family. My father was a brilliant attorney and my mother an education home engineer. In other words, a stay at home mom but she was more than that as she truly ran the household and our lives during the dependent stage. We were, as are my children, privileged. Not wealthy as in PJs and yachts but privileged in that I was supported in all important endeavors. As with my children, we were all expected to become educated and make our own way. To be clear, there was no trust fund.
During the months ahead I hope to share my observations on life, growing up and having children. I will also talk about selling and managing relationships. This part is somewhat self-promoting, as I give talks to groups on those two subjects. I am particularly effective for philanthropic and educational development.