Friendship: A Slippery Slope
Friendships
Friendship: A Slippery Slope
Somedays are “wake up calls” or at least a gentle jolt to pay attention. I was interviewed for a podcast developed by Bob Wheeler titled “Money You Should Ask.” (moneyyoushouldask.com) It is an exploration of the emotional relationship people have with money. I needed a clear internet connection so that we could have an uninterrupted zoom call. That is a challenge at my home. I asked my friend if I could use his office and the conference room which he gave to me without question. I brought coffee and tea – a truly modest payment for the use of his space. The value proposition --- he did not expect anything more and would not have taken anything more. He was just being a friend.
I spent many years in the financial service industry, and you might presume that is a rough industry without a lot of emotional connection between colleagues. That has not been the case for me. This week I received two phone calls from friends I had worked closely with in the day. They were calling to see how I was doing as things have been a bit challenging recently. They were not seeking anything other than information on my well-being. If I had asked for something it would have been granted; however, what was enough was that they cared enough to reach out. As friends we have a context in our relationship, and we are cognizant of the need to stay in contact as our lives move like a pendulum passing through equilibrium. What struck me was the distinction between these friendships and those that are convenient or transitory. It is a slippery slope because sometimes it is difficult to distinguish between the two. Some friends are truly supportive, many more are there at their convenience or watching for weakness to give them that false sense of superiority. It was that friend who also contacted me on this day. We had a modest email misunderstanding, a common occurrence with this digital platform. It was his response that raised my awareness of the fact that he was measuring our relationship as if it was a balance sheet. It was the ease in which we fell into a comparison of who had been the better friend as if it were a contest. That comparison was a measure of the exchange of goods for services —— That is a sad measure of a friendship. My other two friends were not thinking of a balance sheet, they were just checking up on a friend.
Friendships are super valuable but not always and not all of them. Taking care to understand the foundation of that relationship is time well spent. If your friends behave differently than you would in a given situation, pay attention to that difference. It may be a difference you cannot rationalize or accept. I believe you will have a few truly good friends in your lifetime and if that is true then you should pick wisely. We don’t have enough time to be casual about the friends we keep. Don’t get confused with friends that can better you financially or improve your community standing with others that do not care where you stand, they just want to stand next to you. As the old expression goes you cannot choose your family…. but you can choose your friends ——- choose wisely my friend.