LET’S DO LUNCH
Thought about liars, the most accurate definition of our elected leaders, but I am going to postpone that commentary as I am just not in a negative space.
Instead, I am going to write about a positive experience, and I will save the heavy stuff for another time.
My eldest son recently moved from Philadelphia to The Bay Area. His brother and sisters all grew up in the Bay Area, so he was coming home. My second eldest daughter lives in Marin County with her family of five. This includes her husband which for many spouses is another child except they work. That’s unfair, he is a really good father and husband, but, as her father, I can always pick on the guy that took your daughter away : -). I have a large family with children living all over the place as they pursue their dreams. That has made “getting together” a difficult task. Thanksgiving was always a possibility and Christmas was mostly attended by all. This year, of course, will be a challenge as travel is difficult and large gatherings are more so. I am in love with the “idea” of a memorable family event, the reality is more likely achieved next year or even 2022.
Planning in the best of years is fraught with difficulties. Arranging travel schedules; jet-lagged personality disorders; and just the reassembling of the proper order of things. My children are familiar with the reorientation of the family as they all have experienced divorce and the movement between houses which requires at least a day or two to acclimate to the different house rules. As the family matures gatherings become problematic given that their lives are filled with interruptions. The extended conversation becomes a distracted event filled with children’s demands; delayed flights, a house suddenly not unaccustomed to noise. The guests you were excited to see the first day are the guests you are asking about their flight schedule and how you can help them get to the airport.
Occasionally good fortune smiles upon you and gives you the experience you were not expecting but should always be prepared to recognize. Such an event occurred for me about two weeks ago. As I mentioned my eldest son had relocated to The Bay Area and my ex-wife (ok I have had a few --- don’t judge me, I have other good qualities) was super generous and let him use her home in Marin County. She had chosen to remain in NYC while the Covid-19 virus ravaged the country and the current administration lied about it while they watch Rome burn. Ok, a small diversion.
Since I had not seen my son since December, I drove up to visit after his 14-day guarantee. I was staying a few days as I had to return home for a real estate showing. I asked my daughter if she could break free of her young children to have lunch. She secured a reservation at a local restaurant which was convenient for the three of us. The atmosphere was lovely, and the weather was equally cooperative. Three hours later we were still there!!!! I am still thinking of this lunch. We were friends, we were father and children, we were confidants, we were consiglieri we were all of those relationships at different times over those three hours. No one looked at their cell phones and no one was in a rush to leave as that moment was the most important. We were truly present and present to each other. Magical sounds too cliché but it was for me. It was unexpected. It reassured me of how close we are as a family. It gave me confidence that despite all of the uncertainties that life is throwing at us, one’s family can prove to be the grounding element. I felt truly blessed to be a part of this lunch. I was honored that my children still saw me as a friend, a parent, and an advisor. What should not be lost--- they also are all of that for me. I regard them as my best advocates and my true and accomplished advisors. For those who have the privilege of having children, these are the treasured moments.
Time appears abundant when we are in the vortex of work, school, and schedules but when we look back, we see how fleeting it is. I was able to capture time this day. Time stood still so we could embrace the importance and value of our relationship on all of its levels.
With gratitude…...