THE IRISH GOODBYE
After twenty years I am saying good bye to a town that I did not grow up in but felt familiar as I had visited often. Living here has been a lesson in familiarity versus intimacy. I moved to Santa Ynez in pursuit of a cowboy dream and building a family compound. For many years my parents had brought my two sisters and I to this area for Thanksgiving. As a family we were very familiar with this place. Each Thanksgiving was better than the next. Interestingly enough it was the distance from our intimate surroundings at home that made it most appealing. I was not very popular in high school and coordination had not quite found a home in my body. Coming to The Alisal was a respite from the pressures of school and the insecurity of growing up in a way that was not in keeping with my vision of me. I would only have to see the other guests for four days and thus free of the social pressures I felt every day in high school. As children we were independent, as the resort was organized around cottages so it was hard to get lost. Dinner felt grown up as we had to dress up. But the Alisal grew old and tired, never to regain the quality it exhibited when Hollywood came to visit.
My idea was to build a better ranch for my family. Now I have sold that ranch as it never quite lived up to my fantasy. I am saying good bye to this place and thus, the question – how do you say good bye.? The awkward – “You are leaving? I have never seen your place. I invited you but you could not come.” Or the parting sarcastic comment that looks for a way to belittle because I am leaving a place that they are not. It is that same quality of conversation AOC must experience when people call her a hypocrite because she wore an expensive dress for a magazine cover. Are we so insecure that our only comfort comes from the sarcasm we use to delegitimize people when we don’t understand or care not to look deeper? Therefore, I have chosen to say an Irish Good-Bye
The origin of the Irish Good-Bye originated and attributed the phrase to the Potato Famine of 1845-1852 when many Irish fled their homeland for America. Since I have a lot of Irish heritage the Irish Good-Bye feels comfortable. I have owned the property for twenty years and have made it a permanent residence for fourteen. There certainly have been many wonderful moments with lovely friends and family. I could blame it on Covid but honestly the conversation of “what I’ll miss” and “how could I leave” and “you never invited me…” …. I just don’t have the strength to endure. There are a few people here that I feel close enough to call on if I had a real problem. Thus, I will conduct a mini-tour and visit those friends to have a proper good-bye. Life here has been a cocktail affair, nothing too deep. I will pretend I have had a little too much to drink. To avoid the awkward goodbye I will just excuse myself and go to the men’s room.
“Have you seen Fred?” “I think he is in the men’s room”