Managing Expectations

I was listening to an NPR segment on the difference between name-brand gas like Chevron and no-name gas. Essentially there is none except the price. There is a no-name gas station in Mill Valley. When gas was over six dollars a few weeks ago I bought gas there at 5.75. Today I went back to that station and bought gas for 5.00. With all the talk about high gas prices, my expectation was a per-gallon cost of 5.75-6.00. I was, of course, delighted that gas was ONLY costing me 5.00 per gallon. Never mind that less than a year ago that same gallon would have cost 3.00. But the power of expectation gave me the false sense of buying gas at a bargain price.

I am doing a “minor remodel” of a small home in Sausalito. My contractor indicated that it would take about 6 months to complete. It has now been 9 months and the project is nowhere near complete. I am disappointed with my contractor for his inability to complete the project in 6 months. If he had told me the project would take 10 months I would be thrilled that he was going to finish a month early. The power of expectation has set us on a negative relationship path because I am disappointed with his performance given the expectational path he had set at the beginning of the project.

Setting expectations is challenging. Whether we want to “make the sale”, provide comfort to a concerned population, or manage a personal relationship; what comes out of our mouths sets the tone for everything that comes next. It happens every minute in our fractured political environment. Politicians trying to keep their job by promising you things they have no control over. The previous President Liar did this every minute of his presidency feeling that his expectation setting had no consequence. We do this in our relationships because we hate to disappoint those we love. We want to present the best possible outcome when convincing someone to buy our product or become our client. Eventually, our framing of the issue in the most positive of outcomes will create a worse negative situation if we cannot produce. Hence the expression “under-promise and over-deliver”.

In its most basic form, managing expectations is about being truthful. If you cannot defend your truth then don’t say what you cannot defend. We cannot guarantee all outcomes even if we believe they will occur. Hence the value of the verbal caveat. When asked, give a truthful answer to setting expectations with a heavy salting of caveats that can protect your credibility and keep your client, friend, or loved one from expecting too much and then becoming disappointed. It is not an easy path but helps to keep the anxiety to a manageable level.

I expect it will rain tomorrow but then again I am not sure….