Nice Talking To You

My name was given as a reference by my daughter’s best friend. She had applied for an executive coaching job. I liked the interviewer as she was well prepared and asked good questions.  One question, in particular, required more than the stock answer.   We had been talking about empathy and the importance of establishing real connection with another person in the age of electronic communication.  She asked me how does that personal interaction make you feel?  I said  I could best answer by telling her about this recent experience.

It was a sunny day in Marin County as most summer days are.  I was grabbing a little lunch at a bakery/café.  I was sitting at a picnic table with my lunch companion --- my iPhone.  At the table adjacent to me was a group of three.  A mother with her 5-year-old son and her mother.  The two mothers were engaged in one of those serious mother/daughter conversations.  The little boy was not part of this discourse.  He was focused on a small book and otherwise looking around as five-year-old boys do.  He and I caught each other’s glances exchanging warm smiles.  I made a funny face and the little boy’s smile broadened; the mother noticed, perhaps momentarily concerned, as we live in the age of constant vigilance.   Seeing that concern was not warranted, she returned to the in-depth conversation with her mother.  Recognizing that tacit permission had been granted, the boy became more willing to engage with the man who was expressing interest in him.  He was holding a very tiny book in his hands and appeared to be reading it.  I asked him about his book.  What is the book about I inquired?  Everything he said.  Can you read that book? Yes, I can, he said with authority.  I asked if I could see the book.  He got up and came over to my table.    It was written in the tiniest print and seemed to cover a myriad of subjects as the pictures were easier to see but no less difficult to discern.  The little boy assured me that it was his favorite and that he read it all the time.  Regardless of whether he could or could not, the book was only a prop for our conversation which I can only describe as “adult’.  I asked him some of the usual questions about school, what he liked about school; what sports did he play.  I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he told me he did not think he was quite ready for a girlfriend.  It was the way he said it, so thoughtful and circumspect.  Our conversation was a mix of serious answers, jokes, and sarcasm but all in all delightful.  When he had tired of my inquires, he went back and sat at his table.  I finished my lunch and got up and cleared my dishes which I put in the proper receptacle.  The most touching moment was about to happen and it caught me by surprise.  I had to walk by his table to exit and as I did this little boy stuck out his arm with a clenched fist to give me a fist bump.  I immediately responded and bumped his fist with mine.  “Nice talking to you, see you around,” he said —- Nice talking to you, indeed.

You can’t receive that sort of connection or kindness through the internet, it is only available when you present yourself with authenticity.

Nice talking to you, indeed, my young friend.