The Idea of Christmas

It is a really good idea.  The “idea” of Christmas is a really good idea.  An out of wedlock couple travel with their donkey thru the dessert – have their baby in a barn on three-day old hay without anesthesia — while three wise men (we don’t know why they are wise —- wondering around the dessert with valuable metals and spices) – angels watching overhead – you have to ask what were they doing there--- then there is the Christmas Tree – where did that come from – basically a pagan symbol.  It is a story based on a willing suspension of disbelief but it is all really cool and I like the idea and the outcome.

That is where I am at this very moment.  I have been traveling for most of the month and someone suggested that I get a Christmas tree.  Honestly that, too, seems like a really good idea except that I have to get the tree – lug it up many steps and then find all those ornaments --- where are they and who is going to help put them on the tree?  Now I sound like the Grinch.  In a way I am because I have no children living in my house and let’s be real Children drive the bus when it comes to Christmas.  Would you really pull out all those decorations and buy all those gifts and feel guilty all the while as you think of those less fortunate, if it were not for Children that are fired up -- well? – well? – you have to do it!! 

My daughter called and suggested that I pull together a little Christmas dinner for 14. Now that seems like a really good idea except for the set up – the cooking -- the clean-up.  And all that other stuff which I mentioned in the previous paragraph.

 I had an amazingly “thank worthy” Thanksgiving with my family and am equally significant adventure after Thanksgiving, which has all sorts of promise for the coming year.  I could just leave it at that --- but -- the idea of Christmas is a really good one.

It is just all of that work to make the idea a reality when I am focused else where.  I am confused and struggling with the appropriate ranking of all those priorities.  I think I would like someone to come in and set it all up, promise to clean it all up and then I can enjoy the idea of Christmas and look forward to the prospects of the coming year.

Maybe if I go skiing it will all be done when I come back.  I really like the idea of Christmas I just don’t want to be the one that wraps the presents.

Merry Christmas

Love, Mr. Fantasy

A Tour To Remember

As we were planning our pilgrimage to Italy for Thanksgiving, my eldest son worked on getting a tour at one of our favorite Italian wine producers.   

Let me stipulate a few things.  QUERCIABELLA does not do tasting tours.  The wine is amazing. Look for it in the United States. This was a visit not a tasting tour for the most part ….ok we did have a taste or two

Further stipulation… I did none of the tour planning.  My youngest son took care of off-property meals and drinks and chauffeuring.

Additional stipulation…everyone took care of additional touring and events…. I sat in the back of the car---it was comfortable back there….

Back to the wine….

Thanks to my son’s power of honest persuasion, he secured an invitation to visit the amazing winery of Querciabella in the Chianti region of Tuscany.  Of the many things that are unique and powerful about this wine and what the owner is achieving——- it is vegan.  If you are like me, you might not know what that means ---- they do not use animal-based fertilizers or soil amendments anywhere in the vineyard.  Further they do not irrigate their vineyards.  The regulations governing the making of Chianti are varied and strict.  I could be more precise in describing the beauty of the region, the earthiness of the operation, the process, and infrastructure, but what meant the most was the generosity and warmth of the people, especially our guide.

Businesses present a face to their clients and customers.  Sometimes that face is manufactured – lots of make-up, fillers, and surgery.  Others present a genuine face full of warmth and kindness.  This is one of those businesses and interacting with that face makes the experience memorable.  Memorable not just for the exchange of information or even the product but the receiving of kindness.  Our tour enhanced my family’s interaction with each other as we talked about what we were learning and experiencing. The commonality of experience binds us ever closer.  Her name was Daniela.  Between educating us, being supportive of my attempt at speaking Italian, answering questions, she managed to engage with my 5-month-old grandson.   She achieved all of these roles with ease and grace.

What is most impressive is they did not need to do any of it.  In a similar way this is my experience with my restaurant friends.  There is a significant difference between the businesses that bring their prescribed cordiality and those that bring genuine warmth and empathy.  The owner stopped what he was doing to introduce himself to our little group.  Extended himself well beyond what might be considered enough. 

There are no books for this kind of business-to-client interaction.  No, this is genuine human interaction.  It is the sincerity and true interest as we seek to find a common bond that will enrich our lives.  The stage was the rolling hills of the Tuscan countryside. Natural rows of grape vines as they transition from growing energy to a quiet rest before producing fruit for the next year.  This play lasted well beyond three hours and no one was looking for the exits. 

This day gave us more than a vineyard tour… it gave us education, knowledge and the pleasant embrace of new friendships.  We will look forward to renewing them in the years ahead. This is so typical of the extended warmth of the people of The Bel Paese.

As we open and sip, we will be able to relive this again and again.  No one needed to do this, it just came to us wrapped in the earthiness of the autumn transition.

Grazie Daniela and Sebastiano….ci vediamo presto!

Confidence

I am intrigued with the Vaporetto.  This is the public “bus” system in Venezia, Italia.  It is the easiest way to get around the city especially if you get tired of walking up and down stairs.  Venice has had a problem with getting people to pay for the ride as it is an open process to get on and off.  Slowly they are adding gates to the boat stops requiring either a pass on your phone or a card.  When I was in Venice in 2019, I purchased one of these cards.  They make you feel a bit like a local as you swipe the card at the gate and board the “bus”. When I arrived in Venezia a few days ago I decided to add money to my card so that I could ride the Vaporetto.  I went to the ticket office just outside Harry’s Bar on the walkway to Piazza San Marco.  I spoke to the woman behind the window. I was speaking in Italian and she demonstrated a degree of patience and understanding that made me feel good about my ability.   This also solved the information problem.  She told me that I had to go to another ticket office after the first bridge.  All of this I understood and set about walking a little further to the next ticket office.

The woman behind this second window took my card and laughed.  She said the card was pre covid and had no value. I knew this as I was seeking a solution not criticism.  It was her style that made me feel insecure about what I was trying to accomplish and about my ability to communicate.  With a dismissive wave of her hand, she embarrassed me, my language skills, and my need to achieve this task.  She waved her hand and said “bye, bye -- Buona notte”. I left the ticket booth with a feeling of, not only failure to achieve, but a sudden lack of confidence in my ability to accomplish some proficiency of the Italian language.   I wanted to leave, go back to Sausalito, and retire any hope of continuing my education and experience in Italy. 

As I meandered through the streets, dejected in my experience, I stumbled upon another ticket office near the Rialto Bridge.  As I approached the window this attendant smiled and ask how she could help.  I tried again, only this time she indicated a complete understanding of what I was saying in Italian.  For the next 20 minutes she and I exchanged information in Italian and I walked away with a new card, good for the next five years and a renewed confidence in my ability to make myself understood in a second language.

Learning a second language, especially later in life, is a challenge in the best of circumstances.  What I discovered is how fragile your confidence is.  It is incredibly challenging to translate in your head while you are speaking.  I find myself wanting to say I am smart in English – just not Italian.  I have been at this process for a while now but I am determined to fight through the impatient, less tolerant people and focus on the confidence builders. 

I can find us a hotel, feed us and navigate from point A to point B.  But what I cannot do is negotiate an argument or a contract.  Having said that the least bit of questioning sends my confidence plummeting.  It is far easier when you are conversing with your teacher or another friendly Italian who can fill in the gaps or understand your meaning.  People like the woman at ticket booth two was anything but sympathetic and her churlish attitude almost sent me home --- like the next plane home. But the patient woman of the final ticket booth was enough to convince me to keep at it.

Felice Ringraziamento e continua ad imparare!!!!

Italia

It is made up of 126 islands sitting in the shallow waters of the Venetian Lagoon, an enclosed bay between the mouths of the Po and Piave rivers.  Most of the city is linked by 472 bridges.

Its founding was in the 10th century BC (I can’t even imagine), as a Republic it lasted from 810-1797.  Its sovereignty ended at the hand of Napoleon in 1797.  It became part of the Kingdom of Italy in 1866.  Interestingly enough Goldman Sachs was established in New York three years later in 1869.  The two occurrences are not linked in any way other than a humorous anecdote.  The city was at its height of influence in the Middle Ages as the financial power broker between the East and the West.

It is the best way to enter The Bel Paese (Italia).    Land at the Marco Polo International Airport – collect your bag and take a pleasant 15-minute walk to the boats.  You used to walk outside but now it is an inside walk with the remodeled airport.  You hire a taxi and you are on your way.  This is not an ordinary taxi ---- this is a speed boat.  The kind you want to drive.    As you speed your way across open water, the captain dodges the other boats and takes the jarring out of the oncoming waves.  Your boat slows as you this medieval city rises from the water and soon you are drifting through the canals of one of the most beautiful cities in the world and certainly the most unique

VENEZIA

The city is barely visible on the horizon as you look across the expanse of the lagoon.   On a clear day you see the Alps rising to the north.  You are not crammed into a taxi built for the height challenged.  You climb down into the boat.  There is a confident arrogance about the drivers as they are masters of their craft.   The amazing maneuvers the pilots can do with these boats is nothing short of amazing.

 After a long flight you are soothed by the experience of sitting at water level in your speed boat racing across the open water as the sun is setting.  The colors of days end reflect in the sky and the water. You are heading to the most beautiful city in the world.  Suddenly the speed of the boat is reduced to a slow glide as the captain turns into the first canal in this magical city.  There is too much to look at.  No skyscrapers but buildings preserved for years, struggling to adapt to the modern world.  Everything is done by boat.  No cars here. Think of all it takes to run a city --- delivery, movers, garbage, police, ambulances all of this is done by boat.  The amazing pilots of these watercraft are able to weave in and out of each other and accomplish what we only thought could be accomplished with four wheels and pavement. Your taxi ride is the best tour.  There is no dialogue just the sound of the boat as you glide along allowing your senses to tour the city.  It is this amazing slow orchestration of daily activity against a backdrop of a city that has existed for centuries.  You have arrived at the dock of your hotel.  It feels as if you have already had the best experience but there is more….

Buon Viaggio….

Bel Paese

“Are you excited” I am asked this question frequently when people are aware of an impending trip. I generally give a none emotive answer.  A cross between guilt for taking the trip and self-effacing embarrassment for being able to take the trip.  But that is not the case this week.  I am truly excited about my upcoming trip.  My large family will be celebrating Thanksgiving together and that in itself is very special given that we live in different parts of the world. 

I look forward to travel as it gives one the opportunity to meet new people and to remove oneself from the norm.  Travel gets you away from your normal access to news or at least it used to when news was dominated by radio and TV.  Now we are living in a world that is giving us news in real time twenty-four seven.

One of the original ideas of the internet was to increase the connectivity of humans.  The idea was if we knew more about each other we might understand each other better.  What developed was a constant drumbeat of crisis and conflict.  No wonder we are anxious and worried. Do we long for the day of the answering machine?  That special moment of playing back the messages you had received while you were out of the house free from the annoyance of the phone.  Now we get to take the annoyance with us.  Like most things human there is an appropriate level of things that we can tolerate and then there is the level of “ excess” that we live in.    Everything in moderation is the general goal for living within our means and our tolerances.  We do not live in an appropriate level of information nor moderation.

Like many of our habits we quickly accelerate to a level that is unhealthy.  We then spend the next decade or more trying to rein it in.  Drugs are an excellent case in point.  If one pain killer works what do you think ten could do.  The internet and the news cycle are in excess. We received news in understandable segments when news was dominated by radio then the early days of TV.  Now we are living in a world that is giving us news in real time all the time. News comes to us in a firehose of information from multiple sources, many of which are dominated by ideology rather than reliable facts. 

Is it any wonder that we travel through each day with a litany of things to be anxious about?  Not to mention family, children, job and all of the issues one must navigate.  The firehose of the never-ending list of dire issues cannot help but make one nervous, concerned, and downright anxious about the well-being of the planet.  This solution less world has given permission to a growing number of conflicts.  No one can come together to form a united front against the atrocities of the world. 

What all of these conflicts lack is compromise.  There are just too many waring parties and no belief system to compromise.  The root causes are long since forgotten.  Now we are left with the immediacy of revenge for the most recent atrocity, while we grasp for the historical reference that supports our team’s view. 

We find it hard to communicate in person.  Rather we use an electronic device that allows us to maintain our distant hostility.  Conflict resolution requires two parties to recognize each other and to embrace compromise.  Since this is not available we all live out our anxious lives.

And so, it is with this backdrop that I exit for a few weeks.  Off to the “Bel Paese” to celebrate Thanksgiving and to embrace that which I do not yet know.  It is an exciting time.  A time made more exciting as it exists in a world without resolution.

 Sono fortunato, emozionato e felice

Leadership

I attended a board meeting in Texas.  It is a small board for a company that has been in existence for a couple of decades.  Several years ago the board made a leadership change.  This altered the trajectory of the company.  As I sat through this meeting listening to the CEO review the current year’s progress, I sensed a change in the feeling amongst the participants.  We all have attended many of these meetings as we meet regularly over zoom.   There is a similar cadence for most of these meetings as the slides are presented.  All of this data has been hours in the making.  In addition, there were presentations from other senior executives.  After all of the presentations, lunch, and further discussions. we adjourned.

However, this meeting was different. An overwhelming positive energy underscored all of the presentations and continued .   A portion of this enthusiasm, of course, is generated by the positive performance of the company. The performance has been growing consistently for several years. This year has been superlative.  Beside the numbers, the energy was attributed to the unbridled enthusiasm of the chief executive --- the leader.  His confidence, enthusiasm and positivity were infectious and permeated throughout the day and evening.

 I have written about leadership in past blogs.    Leadership by example is a powerful form.  There are many types of leaders.  Authoritarian leaders demanding excellence through punishment.  There are laze faire leaders, their cool hands off approach has a great feel of independence.  I find this type of leadership to be lacking in the ultimate goal of a good leader and that is setting goals. Leadership by intimidation, abuse and threats.

The most effective leader is leadership by example.  I want to follow that leader.  The one that sets achievable goals.  That enthusiasm and confidence is infectious.  It tells those of us who might doubt the possibilities —- we should not.  This leadership style sets the tone, shows the way and will not be deterred.  This leader believes in himself and the people around him.  He understands that it is the team that will achieve the goals and they in turn develop confidence in the possible.  A good leader demands that people understand the goal.  He or she will take the time to explain and has the patience to restate and review until all understand the pathway and the methods needed to be successful.  Undeterred from the bumps in the road that will ultimately occur, leadership by example is leadership by understanding and guidance.  They expect only that which they can demonstrate.

Leadership is a belief system.  The leader is at the center of that system which is supported by those who are following. Leadership is not only a belief system it is a level of enthusiasm that inspires others to follow.  “Phoning in” leadership lacks a belief system that others can “buy into”.  We desire to follow those that believe enthusiastically in the pathway we are following.

The leader of this company demonstrated this belief system and the results affirm his belief and understanding of what it will take to achieve success.

It is achievable and everyone believes.

Closure and Beginnings

Woke up this morning to the slow drip of a gray drizzle.  The kind of morning which gives you permission to get out of bed slowly, if at all.  However, I did get out of bed as I had a call with a long-time friend of mine.  We were discussing the details of a transaction which marked the closing of a twenty-year business saga.   The night before I had dinner with my son and a partner of their new restaurant.  In addition to the closure and opening of commercial activities, I thought of the conclusion of personal relationships and the potential of a yet to be determined one.  All of this got me thinking about closures and beginnings.

Proper closure is important, closing in a proper way is not to be ignored.  Ignoring a proper closure leaves a dangling frayed thread of what should be said and acknowledged.  The cheap, thoughtless way to close is by email or texting.  The digital world has provided us with an economic way to communicate but it is a cheap, insincere manner one closes a chapter. Lacking sincerity and humanity it creates the frayed edge leaving the fabric of woven experience in tatters. 

 I have had plenty (one is more than enough) of texting dismissals but that was not my experience this morning.  We have gone through a multitude of issues with this business.  I will miss the humor attached to this lengthy experience.  I will miss the ongoing communication as we sought to find the right path for company and investors.  It was not the business that I was focused on, but the sadness of this closing chapter.  It has been “a thing” for over two decades and not being able to talk about it will leave an empty space.  But proper closures leave a welcoming opening for something to fill it.  A proper conversation ties up the loose ends.  One may miss the day-to-day experience but closure ties off those frayed edges.

 As this business closes another one is opening in a completely different field.  As I focus on my new efforts I find myself working closely with my sons and daughter.  How fortunate for me that I can find new beginnings with them.  I believe through proper closure one exits the room, closing the door and allowing the next to comfortably open.  Somehow we are better able to properly execute this process in business than with affairs of the heart.  Nevertheless, proper closure insures the positive growth of the next chapter.

Proper closure --- pick up the damn phone

New beginnings ---- Ditto

I going back to bed……

Happiness

How does one experience happiness?

I have been listening to a series of short stories written by famous Russian writers.  One in particular touched me as the world observes the numerous tragedies from the comfort of our homes.  The story was written by Anton Chekhov in 1898.  It is titled “Gooseberries”. In this short story, the main character is lecturing a group who gathered one night in a small inn.  “Look at life: the insolence and idleness of the strong, the ignorance and brutishness of the weak, horrible poverty everywhere, overcrowding, degeneration, drunkenness, hypocrisy, lying --- yet in all the houses and on all the streets there is peace and quiet…. people who live in our town there is not one who would cry out, who would vent his indignation aloud.”

Might I remind you, dear reader, this was written in 1898.  And yet, the prose reads stunningly familiar.  I watch in sadness as the United States House of Representatives continues to fail as an institution of the greatest democracy in the world.  However, we are no longer number one in many measures of great societies.  Other countries are taking the top spots on the measures of quality of life, security and support from government. 

Regardless of how many children are killed we are still continuing to take sides and support our tribe no matter how they behave.  If we are critical we are criticized.  Criticized as non-supportive and a heretic to our squad.  I heard a man interviewed this morning over the Mideast conflict and he remarked “The Palestinian crisis did not start last Saturday”.  A simple yet poignant statement. 

Chekhov was correct in his phrasing of the situation of Russian society in the late 1800’s.  And here we are still quietly sitting in our homes,,, watching…

Is it our fear of losing our own happiness?  Don’t we know that happiness is fleeting?  We know that our own happiness will undoubtedly be interrupted by some tragedy or crisis that will befall us.  So, we stay close.  We keep the door locked in fear that unhappiness will be just outside, while we guard what happiness has come to us.

Can we embrace happiness and take the risk to help those that are unhappy,.?

The crisis did not start last Saturday…

But the solution could start today if we would only open the door…

Venturing Out

As time passes, people like doing the same things at the same time all the time…

At one time I hung out with people that were a lot like me.  We were in the same business, lived lives that were prescribed according to convention. .  We did much the same things, celebrated the same holidays, looked the same, and were following a path prescribed by occupation.

More recently I have found that venturing out is a more rewarding and fruitful path.  The idea of doing the same things over and over while comfortable is not a learning experience. 

Many years ago, I shared a carpool with a friend who worked at a competing firm.  We traded weeks to determine who drove.  On his week he took the same route day after day.  On my week I took a different route every day.  I did it to piss him off.  It achieved that goal but for me it underscored the importance of taking a different path when you have already experience a known path.

The same restaurant, the same bar, the same vacation …there is no sense of adventure and definitely no learning.  It does seem that as we age we are resistant to change.  Rather than becoming more risk adverse I suggest we be more willing to take risk.  I don’t mean bungee jumping or jumping out of airplanes, although if you want you should.

The idea of becoming more interested and therefore becoming more interesting is a better goal than taking less risk and becoming more comfortable. Put yourself in situations that require you to adapt and learn. Maybe risky and even a little scary.

A better objective than comfortable and familiar and a lot more fun.

Time is not on your side…..

Maître d’

Now here's a story…

Restaurants and the hospitality business are key components to a culture of human interaction and relationship building.  The people of this industry are the stalwart bastion of true human connectivity.  Leave your cell phone in the car and enjoy the evening.   

I couldn't decide what to title this piece: three women -- three nurses --- three moms --- Maître d’

My favorite San Francisco restaurant is Boulevard.  It was established 30 years ago by my good friend Nancy Oakes.  She is a pioneering chef and mentor to many over the last decades.  She is admired not only as a talented chef but for her generosity and vision.   The restaurant survived the 1989 earthquake and, like many, the Coved pandemic.  Last Friday the restaurant was celebrating its 30th anniversary.  There's a lot to survive over 30 years, especially, if you are in the kitchen and continue to put your personal stamp on a business such as Boulevard. 

Her longtime chief of staff calls me to inquire as to whether or not I was going to attend their 30-year celebration.  I told Leslie I really did not have anyone to invite so I decided to stay home.  However, I would come to work.  I can wash dishes, run orders, or perhaps work at the host desk.   She said she would call me back.

Leslie called back a day later. She and Nancy had discussed my proposal and had determined that I could work with her at the host stand.  I assumed, accurately,  they felt this was the safest place for me --- under Leslie’s watchful eye.  ----- Oh boy ---- This is my restaurant fantasy coming true in real time. 

My fantasy is the perfect job for me – no real responsibility, just welcoming people, being funny, chatting them up, all playing to my true skill set.  The reason this is a fantasy is that being the host at a 200 settings a night restaurant is hard work.  Leslie and Carly are amazing in every way.  They are unflappable, calm under pressure, and orchestrating all that comes to them with efficient kindness. 

You might wonder where I fit in --- with some difficulty!!! My first challenge was getting the table numbers correct.  I don’t have any issue with counting from 1-50 but when the tables with corresponding numbers are place in what appears to be random order, that is a challenge.   Getting people seated is only one aspect of controlling the flow of a dining room, which is not always predictable.   I must say it actually turned out pretty well. I take instructions well and don't mind doing the little things.

This is not a story about what I was able to achieve, but it is a story about the human connectivity that happens in a restaurant literally every minute.  For each person that walks in there's a story.  If you choose to be involved in the story, it makes it all that much richer….. case in point

Around seven-thirty, three attractive women walked into the restaurant. They were well dressed and clearly good friends out for an evening.  For me the best initial part was that they were being seated at table number two which was a table I had no trouble finding because it was after one and before three.  Later on in the evening, they were still at table two.  As it was approaching ten-thirty and the restaurant was slowing down I decided, not uncharacteristically, that these ladies needed me to come by make sure their evening was as expected.

Here is what you learn when you bother to take the time to engage with other humans.  These three women were not just three women out on the town --- far from it.  They were three women taking care of themselves and honoring all that they do for their families and the community.  They were honoring themselves and each other.   

They all lived in San Francisco.  They were staying at the hotel across the street and just happened to decide to go to the best restaurant in San Francisco on its 30th anniversary.  Nothing unusual you say --except!!!   These were not just women these were three mothers who had taken a time out from their duties to care for themselves.  These three mothers had two children each.  All six of these children were between 18 months and 6 years.  Trust me they have a lot on their plate. The dads were on duty and these moms were smart enough to NOT come home at the end of the evening as that would have only forestalled their nightly bedtime rituals.  Oh, did I forget to mention these moms are also full-time ICU nurses at the two finest hospitals in the city.  I am in awe of these women.  Partners, mothers and full time ICU nurses.  They basically have decided to live a life of full-time caregiving.  The most amazing part is that they were remembering to care for themselves because without them the rest would fall apart.

What an evening for me – living a work fantasy, watching the incredible staff of Boulevard work together seamlessly, and meeting three women that I hope are models for others. 

Restaurants are a citadel of real human interaction and I was at the precipice of it all. It demands that you be present and available at all times which in turn requires your focus and energy.  No wonder I slept in Saturday morning…

Thank you Nancy….Leslie, Carly, Amelia, Sarah, Katie and Carlos

TOM

For some of my readers this name will mean a great deal.   He was a big personality and filled the room when he entered.  Harvard grad, exceedingly smart, excelled at his career and all sports he attempted.  This blog is not the full story of Tom, the individual, as his life was cut short in its prime.  He came to Goldman from the once all-powerful bond house Salomon Bros.  He was co-head of the fixed-income trading floor during the halcyon years when the bond market ruled Wall Street and markets.    He and his partner Paul ran an incredibly successful trading business and managed to make it fun at the same time.  I think we all miss those days.  Tom was many things but for this story he was a visionary.

He walked onto the trading floor holding an object the shape of a classic size 12 Johnson & Murphy Brogue.  For Tom it would have been better described as a size 10 Gucci loafer.  He announced that this was going to be a required piece of equipment for all of his traders and soon for all sales people on the floor. It was the first wireless portable cell phones.  The cell phone had been invented in 1973 but this was one of the first commercially available to the public. In 1983, Motorola began selling this two-pound beauty to the public.  The Motorola Dynatec sold for around $4000.  Cheap for a master of the universe  bond trader.  This phone was featured in the movie Wall Street and was used by the famed character Gordon Gecko.  The flip phone did not appear until 1989 with a revival in 2006 when it was a central piece of equipment in The Departed.  By that time everyone on Wall Street had a phone and if you did not, well, you just were not.  The fact that Tom was insisting that all his traders should have one was revolutionary.  Who was going to carry around a 4000-dollar size 12 shoe?  Five years later portable phones were all the rage.    The rest is history and Tom had once again demonstrated his visionary ability.

I am reminded of this story as I write about the distance the digital revolution has brought to our culture.  The epidemic of loneliness in our country lies at the feet of cellular technology.    Think of this, my children (and they are not babies) have no concept of a hard-wired phone.  I remember when my parents got a phone that hung on the wall with a long wire attached to the receiver.  We thought that was pretty cool.  The biggest issue with that phone was uncurling the cord.  My home phone number was Hillcrest 7-3877.  There was no need to have an area code in front of the number.  The first two numbers were equivalent to the first two letters of the phone’s geographical area which had proper names.  Hi (44) llcrest was Arcadia, Sy (79) camore was Pasadena.

 I don’t remember anyone’s phone number today.

 It is never what it seems

I went to the Verizon store to get a new phone. I had received multiple Verizon emails offering the new iPhone 15 for free. So, I walked into the Verizon store  to get rid of my six-year-old phone and receive a new phone, but it is never what it seems.

I was expecting to give them my old phone and receive the new phone in exchange.  However, my salesperson revealed that it did not work exactly like that.  In order to achieve the largess of the Titanium iPhone 15, I would have to buy an additional phone line.  It was explained to me that although I would pay for an additional line it would still work out that I would be paying less than I am currently.  Now I am really not much of a math student but I am pretty sure that if line one cost x and line two cost y, the resulting total cost would be more than line x alone.  Ricardo assured me that would not be the case.  There were a few additional costs —- like a new cord! ---- none of my existing cords would function. Remember the last time they changed plugs?  They promised that it was for our own good and that they would not change again ---- It is never what it seems

Apple lied and they are changing again and you will have to buy all new plugs ---- don’t shoot the messenger…

 Life is like that it is never what it seems.  

 I write a lot about restaurants… I believe restaurants in addition to being the last bastion of personal interaction are also the last bastion of honest advertising.   If I go to a French restaurant, I don't expect Italian.  Restaurants never disappoint in that way. If politicians were like restaurants we would know what to expect. Alas, it is never what it seems…

 All of this phone and plug exchange took almost four hours.  Silly me I thought I would be in and out in an hour…. It is never what it seems. However, my friends think my phone is cool so I guess that makes me cool by association.  But I am not as cool as Tom….  He saw this coming years ago…..

Rest in peace, you are exactly what you seem ——- a visionary…

JACQUES

Last November I wrote about the preparation of Thanksgiving dinner.   My son, daughter-in-law, and I prepared dinner for 14.  It was the following day as we looked back in our exhaustion, I came to fully appreciate the immense amount of effort it takes to prepare dinner for a large group. 

This week, my son and his partners are opening their new restaurant.   I travelled to Denver to see if I could help with the preparation of their opening. When I say “help” I mean painting, folding napkins, and washing dishes.  Anything more complicated would have been above my pay grade.  However, I dream of being a part time maître d'.  Part time as in only when I can and only until I get tired, which is a fantasy.

I walked around the restaurant in it’s pre-opening phase. I was stunned at the sheer number of pieces of equipment that it takes to operate a restaurant even a small one.  Dishes and pans of all sizes, you cannot have one of anything but you have to have scores of everything.

One walks into a restaurant—table is perfectly set, music on, and it all seems so orderly. So easy, you order the food, it comes to your table, you tell the chef how amazing it is, you pay your bill, you leave.   Sort of like my Thanksgiving dinner --- except --- a small restaurant does this for somewhere between 60-80 and they do it night after night.  Restaurant owners, especially those that are offering unique and delicious food bring their best night after night. 

I walked through the kitchen while two of the kitchen staff toiled away washing a morass of new sauce pans, fry pans, dishes, bowls, spoons, knives etc., etc. Whatever you think of when you're preparing dinner think of it times 1000.   I performed some appropriately menial jobs for my contribution. I painted a wall and covered up the painter’s “vacation” spots.  Post painting, I found the job I was particularly well-suited --folding napkins. When I say folding napkins we are talking about folding hundreds of napkins, and in a specific way.  Somehow it was very satisfying sitting at the table folding the napkins over and over.

I have great respect for my friends in the restaurant business.   It is a business that appears uncomplicated but that is a misnomer.  The ingredients that make this business successful are far more complicated than any of the recipes.   What is presented to the client is far more intricate than the straightforward description on the printed menu.  Low margin, highly complicated, incredibly detailed, requires many people to perform in exact rhythm would be one way to describe what is behind the scenes of any hi value restaurant. 

As I sat there folding my napkins, I realized what drives people to establish a restaurant is the love and passion for their craft.  The desire to provide a fulfilling experience for all of those patrons that pass through their entrance. Amazing when you understand that they seek to do this night after night.  Consider a restaurant that seats 60 people.  The ideal would be to turn the tables twice, a hat trick would be three seatings.  At two seatings you are producing a memorable experience for 120 people every nights.  Imagine the production and coordination it takes and you will have some idea of just how amazing running a restaurant is.  Throw in a heavy dash of passion, you will understand just how exhausting and exhilarating this can be.  Yet passion, dedication, and love of the art goes a long way in sustaining these accomplished people.

Masked behind the simplicity of a well-crafted and well-presented meal is the amazingly complicated effort put forth by these dedicated entrepreneurs.  It is true artistry and it is new and different every night. 

I am so excited for my son and daughter-in-law (he can’t do this alone) Knowing it takes a team,  I am honored to know his partners and excited for their adventure, and continue to hope that I can be supportive.

Should you find yourself in Denver this is the place to go…

 Jacques

www.jacqueslohi.com

(720) 545-0119

3200 Tejon Street Denver, CO.  

 I have to go fold napkins….

It Was A Moment

I had dinner the other night with a good portion of my children and their families --- it was a moment.

I took myself to a coffee shop Saturday morning. There was a 4-piece rock n'roll band playing ----it was a moment.

 I had dinner a couple of weeks ago at an Italian restaurant with an old friend. We spoke Italian to each other and to the waiter ----- it was a moment

I watched a woman listen to music on her own ----- she was having a moment 

 We try through photos, Instagram, email, or text but we can never truly capture these moments.  Certainly not in the exact manner in which they came to us.  Time passes and the moments become memories and the memories become harder to retrieve.  You know these moments; you can feel them.  The dinner conversation flows, no one is fighting to be heard, everyone gets their turn.  You learn something about them that you did not know before.  It feels comfortable and welcoming. 

You are present.  You are not thinking of what you did or what you have to do, you are there and there for everyone. All is right in your world and the world around you. The family is talking to each other, they are present and available, no arguing just experiencing the pleasant moment of attachment and love.

I have become far more cognizant of moments like this.  Or maybe I am just paying more attention as I am learning to get out of my own way and recognizing that the path is so much richer when you make room for others to walk along side.

Dinner with a friend and you realize that it is not just an acquaintance.  You understand that this friend can be trusted and therefore you are willing to share yourself and the friendship becomes --- a moment.

The struggle is recognizing these special moments and that can only be done through being present, focused, and available.

 Now the real trick is finding a place to put these moments so that you can retrieve.  That is the challenge and the struggle.  Rare and fleeting, these moments are butterfly wings in our fragile memory.

 Be present, acknowledge them when you experience them and be thankful they live in your memory waiting to be recalled.

It was September 11th yesterday – a moment that I remember in exact and in vivid detail twenty-two years later.  My hope is I will retrieve my positive moments in that same way without being assisted by tragedy.

Legacy

There will be much written about the money she made, which would be the natural outcome if you spent your summer appearing on stage before more than three million people.  However, that will not be what my granddaughter or the many young women who were lucky enough to attend a Taylor Swift concert remember.  What she will remember, aside from the sheer excitement of going to a live concert, will be the gentle kindness that is the hallmark of these events.  She will remember exchanging handmade bracelets with other young girls whom she did not know.  The legacy of the Eras Tour will not be about the money but about the joy and kindness experienced by the audience.

 It’s been a tough summer for most of the world.  As positive as a Taylor Swift concert is, it is against the backdrop of unspeakable suffering and the sad passing of other musicians whose legacy was a smile and a good time.

 Pour me something' tall and strong
Make it a Hurricane before I go insane
It's only half past twelve, but I don't care
It's five o'clock somewhere

 He was not the largest selling entertainer but he was the entertainer that sold a good time and the importance of enjoying your time on this earth.   Jimmy Buffett was a musician that made us feel good and allowed us a moment to smile and experience the joy of being present. 

 I could pay off my tab
Pour myself in a cab and be back to work before two
At a moment like this, I can't help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?

 Yet there was a melancholy to his lyrics as if to remind us that the party does not last forever.  It will be time to embrace one’s fate and one’s legacy

 Yes, I am a pirate, two hundred years too late
The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder
I'm an over-forty victim of fate
Arriving too late, arriving too late

 I hail the legacy of performers, especially musicians.  Their lyrics and the music behind them live with us always.  Helping us to remember the times we were in love, the ones we loved and continue to love.  They are the markers of events that have shaped our lives and the people within those lives.  It is the musician’s legacy of honest talent that help us build our own fortresses of memories and experience.  It is so much more rewarding to experience their accomplishments versus the miserable arrogant excuses of failure that are demonstrated by men like Thomas, Munoz, Putin and Trump.  Those names and those of many others will only remind you of the cheap and tatter legacy of men who failed.  It is the poignant lyrics of the songwriter that form the legacy of hopeful outcomes in a world filled with disappointment

My granddaughter will fortunately have none of that as she will remember the thrill and excitement of a shared experience with people of the world who she did not know but knows now.  That is a gift worth giving and receiving and it is thanks to the musician that opens the book of discovery.

 Haul the sheet in as we ride on the wind
That our forefathers harnessed before us
Hear the bells ring as the tight rigging sings
It's a son of a gun of a chorus

Where it all ends I can't fathom my friends
If I knew I might toss out my anchor
So I cruise along always searching' for songs
Not a lawyer a thief or a banker

 Lyrics by Jimmy Buffett, Ron Rollins, Jim Brown

…..I’m off to Margaritaville.    Rest in Peace Jimmy Buffett and Thank you for the joy….

Language

I am taken aback by American arrogance.  The idea that the world should come to us or be like us is more prevalent today than ever before.  I spent the weekend surrounded by people who are fluent in multiple languages.  I did a very unprofessional survey to find that every European head of state speaks multiple languages.  65% of the population speaks a language other than their native language. Only two of the ten candidates for President from the Republican party speak a language other than English or are willing to admit that they speak something other than English.  Our last four presidents could not arrange for dinner, travel, a hotel room, or negotiate anything in a language other than English.

 The optimal age to learn a foreign language is children under 10 years of age.  Our elementary schools teach only in English.  Almost half (43.9) of California’s population speak a language other than English at home.  California has a population that is culturally 50% Latin and Central American.  If our schools were to teach bilingual education, California’s youth would be able to converse in two of the most spoken languages.  English and Spanish are the number one and number four most spoken languages in the world.

 Why should we care – everyone speaks English.  First, that is not true ---- not everyone speaks English. Second, speaking another language makes any circumstance in a different country ---- well, different.  It is a richer more inclusive experience.  It is also a chance to practice your language skills. More importantly, it indicates that we are part of the global community and respect others enough to make an effort to understand them in their native tongue.

It is not that our schools do not offer second language education but that does not begin until high school or college. It is not required, as most foreign languages are electives.  There is no requirement to teach children a foreign language in elementary school.  The minimum requirement is one year at the high school level and that can be substituted with technical education, visual, or performing arts. The Bilingual Education Act was renamed the English Language Acquisition Act thus abandoning bilingual education.

 Our abandoning of education of foreign languages continues to isolate us from the rest of the world.  While the world around us becomes more global through language we insist on being isolated in our Englishness.  

 Several years ago, I was invited to the wedding of an Italian friend of mine.  The wedding was held in the south of Sardegna.  I was painfully aware that not only was I the only American at this wedding I was also the only person who spoke one language.  Everyone else spoke from 2-7 different languages.  It was at that point I decided to learn a different language.  Trust me it would have been easier if I had started this process 40 years ago.  I have a love affair with Italy so decided that would be my language.  Asian languages seemed a bridge too far, and Germanic languages too intimidating.   After several years of study, I am proud to say, that with a fair degree of confidence, I can make a reservation, order dinner, get a hotel room, and take us from point A to point B.  Aside from the practical application my ability to partially speak this language has immeasurably enhanced my experience in Italy.  My insistence that I speak their language has made my trips to the Bel Paese extraordinary.  It demonstrates respect for their country and culture and therefore they reach more genuinely..  I have made friends purely through my desire to participate in their country at its most basic level --- language.

 I was reminded of the importance of learning a language over the weekend.  I took a friend to dinner at an Italian restaurant.  Our waiter was Italian and the three of us ordered and conversed in Italian for the entire meal.  The food was great but the experience was much better.  All three of us created an experience that others in the restaurant were not able to.  We learned something about our waiter beyond just the ordering and receiving of food.  As we drove to another destination in an Uber, the driver was struggling with our directions as he was from Cuba.  Fortunately, my dinner partner spoke perfect Spanish, and off we went.  The driver felt respected, we made it to the next stop and for all of us, the experience was rich and full of nuance of human connectivity.

 The next night I was having dinner with a hotelier and his girlfriend.  He explained that he spoke four languages.  That progressed to a conversation about emotional intelligence.  The ability to speak another language is one pillar of strength for enriching one’s emotional intelligence and thus creating a closer richer experience with another human.

It is worth the effort…..

Grazie ai miei insegnanti per avermi guidato in questo percorso…

Pac 12 Part II

It just was not enough said about the demise of the Pac 12.  To that end I energetically ran into one of my most consistent readers last Friday evening.  He comments frequently and I look forward to his feedback.  He asked why I did not have a part 2 or 3 to some of my stories?    

 So, Dennis, I am taking your suggestion to heart.

 What was missing last week was a further description of why the Pac 12 was important on a human level.  Others might feel the same.  The Pac 12 was more than a financial entity driving to produce returns for its investors.  What the administrators of the Pac 12 missed, while they watched Rome burn, was the emotional strings that bound the Pac 12 schools in a similar way that the outcomes of athletic events, degrees and personal achievements bind a family.  They chose to ignore the history which wrapped each of these educational institutions together.  The athletic endeavors are just an outward reflection of the dedication and accomplishments of the students that attended these schools.  No, they chose only to consider the financial repercussions and even in that they failed.  I have nothing to contribute beyond that aspect as that is what everyone is talking about.  Other than to say, enough already we know college sports is big business like everything else.  Somehow that doesn’t touch anything that might be considered culturally significant.

 I grew up in a house hold that was deep into the Pac 12.  At the head of the line was my father.  He attended USC and was an ardent USC fan.  Some might even say obsessive.  We went to the Coliseum frequently to watch USC play football in the halcyon days of John McKay, John Robinson and Pete Carroll; along with the parade of Heisman Trophy winners and games won.  When USC won it was a good Saturday often celebrated by going out to dinner at one of my parents’ favorite steak houses.  But it wasn’t all about USC football as my mother went to UCLA and when basketball season came around it was all UCLA all of the time, with John Wooden at the helm of the greatest college basketball program ever.  However, life is complicated and as my family changed so did its relationship with the Pac 12.

 I have two brilliant sisters who both attended Stanford University.  As proud as my father was of their academic achievements I think it was a challenge for him to acknowledge Stanford as a formidable football school.  Then they had the audacity of getting good at tennis, baseball and basketball (both men’s and women’s).  He never said it but I know it must have been difficult to acknowledge that this northern California citadel of academic achievement could also win Rose Bowl games and NCAA National titles. 

 The loyalty to various Pac 12 schools continued to grow in complication as my son attended UCLA, then my daughter went to Berkeley, my niece went to Oregon and my other niece went to Washington.  You can see where this is heading …Many evening, text messages, and letters and conversations about which school was going to triumph over the other.  Trash talking became an art form.

 It is the lively debate and interaction which drew all of these family’s members closer together as we won and lost with our Pac 12 teams.  It is this unquantifiable benefit of the Pac 12.  The rivalry, the recognition of greatness in so many sporting avenues along with the academic achievement.

 And now because they failed to see it coming the administrators of these schools have allowed this bastion of family pride and fun to crumble.  It is hard for me to believe that anyone in my family will care when USC plays Purdue or UCLA plays Rutgers (wherever they are).

 Interestingly enough I think the biggest problem with the Pac 12 was they were just too good.  Invariably one of the schools would go on a run and it would look like they were headed for a national championship and then they would head to Pullman Washington only to be upset by Washington State.  Thus, we were once again relegated to watch Alabama play in the Championship game.

Life will move on and ESPN will chat up the games of Saturday.  For me it will lack the emotion that history brings.  Gone are the recollection of past achievements against your cross-down rival.

We have managed once again to take the unique and rich and make it predictable and ordinary.

Things will never be the same again.

Things will never be the same again.

It's not a secret anymore.

Now we've opened up the door.

Starting tonight and from now on.

We'll never, never be the same again.

……From “Never be the Same” written by Melanie Chisolm

Pac 12

Pac 12 versus the Big Ten

Growing up in Southern California, Christmas day was bright and sunny.  New Year’s Day was much the same.  Unlike the middle of the country which was generally gray and cold.  The New Year’s Day Rose Parade was always a special event as we gathered in my father’s office to watch the parade.  My mother would prepare a special breakfast with all our favorite items from Jurgensen’s Market, a specialty market in Pasadena.  It was to foreshadow things to come as it was forced to close its doors some years ago. 

 The Rose Bowl was a particularly special event as we had strong allegiances to the Pac 12, especially USC, UCLA, Stanford and Oregon.  What was particularly pleasing to us was watching Woody Hayes and Bo Schembechler walking up and down the sideline, furious that their “three yards in a cloud of dust” could not compete with the passing show of the Pac 12.  Those two had a combined Rose Bowl record of 7-14.   The boys from the Midwest were bedazzled by the sun, warm weather, Disneyland and Hollywood. Only to return home to the cold and snow.  Obviously it was not always a losing effort but it seemed to happen more often than not.

 And now it is over…..

 There is lots of talk about the inevitability of the collapse of the Pac 12.  But the real loss is the intense rivalry that the Pac 12 had within its group of universities and the fact that the conference has won more championships than any of the competing conferences.  But alas the conference has imploded under the weight of their inability to keep up with the times.  Sadly, it is a perfect example of how money and power has managed to strip away the fun and history of this storied athletic conference and the incredible institutions that occupy it.  Gone are the days of the student athlete and instead we are left with the massive communication enterprises of Fox and ESPN.  It is a sad day indeed that money and gambling are the institutions we have elevated over these institutions of higher learning and the sports teams that represent the best of sporting competition.

 This conference was asleep and now we are left with the odds makers.  A sad exchange that represents the frailty of rich cultural heritage in exchange for the ephemeral nature of money and gambling.

 RIP Pac12

Happy Birthday

This week, I was going to write about the disaster that is the Pac–12 Conference, but I will wait until next week.

 Yesterday was my birthday. I have a love/hate relationship with my birthday.  I am happy they show up because the alternative doesn’t seem like much fun.  I also have this “thing” about age which I blame on my mother .  When she crossed over, we thought she was 91. Turns out she was 96.  Age is a sad judgmental moniker that is applied to all aspects of our society. It allows us to form instant opinions about people before we even engage in conversation.  An opinion on a person based on their age is a narrow-minded approach to developing and building a relationship.   

 However….

I digress as I don’t want to write about that either.

 On my birthday I was not expecting nor required gifts, but I did want to be acknowledged.  I must admit I had a mental list of people I thought I would hear from.  I also had a name or two that I wished I would hear from.  Not that I was expecting but if received, it would somehow allow me to hope they were thinking of me.  Admittedly a highly ego-driven hope. 

 However….

As the day progressed, I received many sincere wishes. I realized I was giving too much energy to those who did not care to acknowledge my birthday.  My focus and energy should appropriately be on those that had.  It was right in front of me as people wrote the simplest and thoughtfully elegant birthday remembrances.  As I wrote last week, the present is a more fruitful place to focus one’s attention. 

 I am not sure if it was an existential moment but it was a realization that I was receiving so much from so many while looking for something that was not coming.  My glass was filling and I was focused on the empty part.   I was thinking of what I didn’t have and ignoring the immense amount of love and caring I had.    I was focused on being needed while receiving messages that I was desired.  Profoundly I was receiving the greatest gifts.   It was in the present that I was being honored, not in a material way, but in a present and available way.  Just that simple message of best wishes and hope for a wonderful day was all the birthday I needed.  When I pivoted to the present and the thoughtfulness of those who cared….

I had a really good birthday……..thank you

 ……Love, Fred

Transition

I met my daughter for lunch the other day.  We don’t do this often as she has a house full of children, a husband, and the myriad of duties mothers must perform to keep the wheels from coming off.  I am lucky that she will make the time to sit down with her father one on one.  I am positive not every father gets these opportunities. These lunches give us a chance to talk about things other than what we did yesterday or what we are planning tomorrow.  It is nice to talk about things other than schedules.  Our topic at this lunch was a challenging one ------Transitions

Transition: The process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.  Sounds innocuous enough except Webster doesn’t take into account the emotional aspect of transition. His definition leaves me a little flat.  Transition in one’s life generally means a space is about to open up and that space will not be left void for long as nature abhors a void. 

What that something is or will be is what sets the anxiety meter into hyperdrive.  It can make us sad, maybe even regretful of leaving something that we loved and were comfortable with.  I have been dealing with a transition myself over the last several years.  Much of that transition was self-caused through several unfortunate decisions.  My daughter’s transition is the transition of age.  Her children, to which she has dedicated herself, are getting older and moving into different phases and eventually will move out of the house. 

The transition of age comes slowly and thus allows us to think about what might be the most fulfilling new occupant.   Rather than bemoaning that which is departing, a more positive exercise would be to look for something to fill that space before it becomes empty.  Easier said than done for sure, but possibly a more fruitful pursuit than hanging on or fearing the inevitable.  The past is always easier to hold on to because we are familiar with it.  The future is not assured, yet we can certainly attempt to make plans.  As usual, it is the present that is the hardest.  Yet it is where we can be the most effective.  It also has the added benefit of not allowing us to be sad over the past or anxious about the future.  It is the place we can be the most effective and the happiest.  Her children and my life are right now.  She and I agreed to discipline ourselves to make the most of it. We are thankful for the opportunity and will smile while it happens.

Life is like riding a bicycle.  To keep your balance, you must keep moving ---- Albert Einstein

Friendship

There comes a time when friends feel like family or maybe family feels like friends. Age does not determine with whom you become friends with or fall in love with.  It is a concoction of interests, thoughtfulness, empathy, and some kind of magic.  Maybe it is just a love shared. 

 I have been fortunate to have many acquaintances but I have been blessed to have a few very good friends.

Last week my friends, Daisy and Greg, came to Northern California to accept a Michelin Star for their incredible restaurant Bell’s.   As luck would have it, they brought their good friends and colleagues, Rikki and Jeff. Few friends feel as comfortable as these two and now they brought along two more into the mix. It was the perfect combination of personalities brought together under the same small roof.  They settled in seamlessly as if the house was made with them in mind.

Rikki and Jeff now fill roles that Daisy and Greg have long hoped for.  They allow them an opportunity to focus on things other than the restaurant and cooking over a hot stove. 

As much as we look for the next thing or a better thing, I embraced a remark that Daisy made as we sat together talking about nothing and everything --- “I have learned that I have enough and I am happy”.  Friendship is like that --- good friends are enough.  How lucky I am to have been able to share this moment with these good friends.  The house felt alive, warm and enough.  Every moment was enjoyable.  The blend of thoughtful conversation with people that took care of each other and themselves was an experience too quickly concluded.  I was sad when they left but hopeful for their return. 

I am trying to express the feeling of fullness when people enter your life and bring joy just by being present.  Friendship is not the same age, and does not look like us, it is just a magical event that is not always predictable but feels assured and comfortable.  The language of friendship is not words but meanings. ---- Henry David Thoreau.  I felt this quote was appropriate as I reach for the words to best describe this brief two-day interlude in the regularity of living.  I am thankful for the opportunity and grateful for their friendship.

 I have learned that to be with those I like is enough -- Walt Whitman

There is always a story