Four Fathers

We hear about negligent fathers and we read about divorced fathers who are too busy to be present and available.   Those fathers made a bad decision, which short-changed themselves from the richness of fatherhood.  I'm going to write about fathers who I respect and admire. Fathers that have embraced the richness and the rewards of parenting.  They understand that the benefit of fatherhood comes later when those children become confidants and a consigliere for life.

 In recognition of Father’s Day, I am writing about four fathers.  I want to stipulate that I have known many fathers but given the limitations of time, words, and space I am only writing about four.  I further wish to stipulate that the role of the father is not only played by a male.  I know many women who play the traditional role of the father when the biological father has somehow forgotten that fatherhood is a life- long occupation and responsibility.

 I had dinner recently with one of those playing both the role of mother and father.  We had discussed this very topic.  Coincidently as I was driving home, I received a call from Billy, a long-time friend and father.  Billy has dedicated his life to the philanthropic efforts of Share Our Strength, an organization he founded.  I have attended several of the fundraising events he has hosted over the years.  I went to these events to support the mission but primarily to hear Billy speak.  He is an accomplished speaker.  His articulated message is clear, concise, and brief.  However, my favorite part of his speeches is the stories he would tell at the beginning of his talk.  The stories are always about a recent interaction with his son, Nate.  These stories are always humorous and endearing.  Most importantly they underscore the importance of fatherhood and being a father.  Billy and his wife Roe are dedicated parents and share the responsibility of parenting.  These stories demonstrated the unique relationship that belongs to fathers and their children.  As Nate has grown older the stories have changed from cute to instructive as Nate attempts to help his father grow up in the rapidly changing world that fathers navigate.  It is hard to navigate the rough waters of change.  Successful navigation with assistance is rewarding and fun 

 As it happened Billy was visiting with another father.  Shaun is a famous father.   It is not his famousness that I find interesting it is his fatherhood.  He grew up in a complicated family with plenty of road bumps along the way which might have derailed any normal famous father.  However, he and his beautiful wife chose to move away from the distractions and create an environment for their children that would give them a fighting chance to succeed.  It is this ability to compartmentalize his work in a publicly exposed industry from the importance of giving his children the best opportunity to succeed.  The ability of fathers to separate themselves from their success and give their children an unencumbered playing field for their own is an achievement worth honoring.

A new father…. My eldest son welcomed his first child four months ago.  This is his first Father’s Day.  All father’s days are important but the first is, well, it’s the first.  I love watching how he and Ingrid are building the foundation for this baby boy.  It is how they share the responsibility of bringing a new life into this challenging world.  I notice the care and detail with which they go about partnering.  They are the perfect example of the shared responsibility of parenting.  He will enjoy being a father as much as I have, However, what he brings to the table is the understanding that parenting is difficult, and having a real partner in the process will make this experience even richer.

 Finally, I am a father. It is the most rewarding part of my life.  It is the growth of the relationship with my children that I find the most amazing.  There is a lot of focus on the transition from one age to the next. It is a pure delight to see these humans take their first step and then observe their accomplishments through education, the arts, and sports. Feeling their pain of the familiar passages of heartbreak, disappointment, and failure.  Feeling the joy of their first kiss, their achievements, their successes. For me, the true reward of parenting is the growth of the relationship between father and child.  My joy has come from watching and experiencing my children moving from dependent to friend to consigliere.  There is no greater joy than asking my children for help and advice.  The ability to discuss, debate, and arrive at solutions.   They are achievements through collaboration.  The mutual respect that comes with age, wisdom and growth through individual experience.

 My children have experienced life in their unique way.    It is this difference that has made our relationship richer, deeper, and more nuanced.  The beauty of being a father is knowing that these humans that you brought into this world are indeed individuals.  It is their brilliance that shines more brightly as they grow older.  Being a father means that I have a front-row seat.  All of this comes with love and respect.  The combination just cannot be achieved in any other arena.

 I am honored to know these fathers.  I have great respect and applaud them for what they give to their children They are examples of the joy and love gained when you bring it all.  Being present and available with love and respect.  It is a formula that can only be achieved through the magic of parenting and being a father.

 I am blessed and so are they

 With love.

Happy Father’s Day